Got in a huge fight with my mom and sis
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| Fri, 12-16-2005 - 7:37pm |
Ugh! I hate this time of year now that I am Muslim. It used to be so nice and fun, and now its miserable. My mom called me and wanted me to come over with the kids to visit her and bake cookies, and so that was all ok and then she asked if we were all coming for the Christmas party, and I said no. She started to get angry and blame DH because he doesnt like her, so she said he is turning me against her, which is stupid. He doesnt like her because she lies to his face and talks bad about him behind his back and because she refuses to do anything but explain how good Christianity is and how bad Islam is to our kids. We have tried to work it out with her quite a few times about not talking about religion with the kids and she agrees, then tells them things and says "dont tell your mom or dad or they wont let you come over anymore". SO thats why he doesnt like her, and I just deal with her because she is my mother and I feel like I have to.
So I got angry when she started saying those things about DH and then I was telling her how wrong she was in the way she acts about religion and she keeps telling me things like the only reason I am Muslim was because its convienient, and because I wanted a husband. Which is complete BS, then she goes on to talk about my XH and all sorts of other screw ups in my life and how she "raised" my kids(a month in the summer and a few weekends a year is parenting I suppose?)because I was a bad parent, blah blah blah. So then I went off about how she doesnt respect me as a human being much less as her child, and she tells me I have to EARN her respect. SO then I was really really mad. So I told her we werent ever going to come to her house again and its her own fault.
So then my sister calls me and tells me that I am a screwup and my mom is going to die and everyone is going to blame me because its my fault(she has something wrong with her that no one told me about I assume) and that I am the only kid that causes her problems and im selfish and need to go to a psychiatrist because I have mental problems and blah blah balh.
I was like oh so now everything in the world is MY fault, and I am a horrible person and selfish and the ONLY one with psychological problems? But wait...wasnt she i/p for trying to kill my little sister when she was 15? doesnt my little sister have such severe anxiety that she hasnt been ona date in 6 years? My mom is the most self centered human being on the earth, but its all MY fault? Screw that. So anyways, the same thing happened last xmas too. But not to this extreme because my XH took the kids to the xmas party, so she didnt really care what I did.
All in All my family sucks balls and I cant wait till I move away from here. Oh yeah did I mention that my sister threatened to come kidnap my kids since DH isnt home and what was I gonna do about it? but IM THE ONE WHO NEEDS MEDS??? whatever
Rebekah


Rebekah,
I'm sorry you are going through this. The only reason I have stayed 'close' with my family is because they are 3,000 miles away. That helps a lot. (sad but true). Try to hang in there. They may not be very understandng sometimes, but they are the only family you have. I ry not to complain about mine too much anymore. I remember my 31st birthday very well: I went into a diatribe about how useless my family were, that they hadn't even called me *on my birthday* and I should get divorced from them etc etc. Well around 4pm, I got a call, My brother had died in the early hours, and they hadn't wanted to tell me and ruin my birthday. I felt really small. It's funny how losing a family member makes you appreciate the rest of them more.
The religion thing is very difficult to overcome. I grew up in Ireland and had some problems because I am Catholic and my best friend was Protestant. It is stupid and very difficult to deal with. Why can't people just *let it go* and get on with the important stuff? It seems to be really difficult for some people. I am sorry
((((hugs)))))
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Rebekah,
*hugs* Dealing with families is very difficult. Hang in there. They're acting like idiots.
My parents have actually done things that are illegal to me and around me. They once stole my credit card number and used it as verification of age to call phone sex numbers, they didn't charge anything to it, just made sure it showed up on their bill so they could blame my husband, now my ex-h, but not b/c of that. They started a fight at my brother's wedding, my mom threw cake at my sil's mother's head and it went downhill from there (can you say assualt?!) Each time they go to these extremes I tell them to get counseling and until they do so they are not welcome into my life. Each time at least my mom has tried and this time my mom has stuck with it. My parents are still married, so I have to grit my teeth and bear it with my dad. My brother is an alcoholic, got into a drunk driving accident, the day of he screamed at me for not being willing to just discuss the evils of our parents he didn't want to admit he was wrong, so he's been told to get treatment and then we will talk (I refuse to have an alcoholic in my house with my children).
What your family is doing is emotional abuse. Its up to you how you handle it, don't let them have that power over you. You don't have to go to extreme I have had to with my family, but my story is just to let you know that sometimes you have to put your foot down.
rebekah - you definitely have your hands full with your family. i know my family (and we're all christians) is definitely dysfunctional on a good day........throw the holidays into the mix and it just gets downright ugly. fortunately, i haven't had to deal with this in quite a few years but i remember it well.
i can only imagine what the difference in religions has added to your mix. i don't have any words of wisdom that haven't already been said in this thread, but as for your sister.........she can't gain entry to your home without your consent. if she tries, the # is 911. yes, it's the holiday season, but if she even so much as attempts to do such a thing, do not hesitate. her actions would show a very non-christian act from a person of a supposedly strong christian faith. its all crap and don't buy into it.
if anyone from your family contacts you between now and christmas, just tell them that until they can accept unconditionally your choices and your husband that it is best for all concerned to have no contact until after the holidays. i understand what paula said, but you cannot be used as a doormat either and have threats made on your children.
just my 2 cents. i really hope things calm down for you and things work out well.
traci
Thank you all so much for your encouragement. I went out of town this weekend to DH's grandmothers house(and yes that was actually peaceful) because it was my birthday Saturday and they wanted to take me out to dinner. ANyways, when I got home there was a message on my phone from my sis and my mom, my mom of course saying that I should just "agree to disagree" which basically means ignore whatever she did and ignore whatever she will do in the future. Which is NOT going to happen.
So anyways I called my sis, and she was at my mom's house, and I was explaining to her AGAIN what the problem was and why it bothered me, and that went on for like an hour and the whole time I was talking to her, my mom was in the background saying rude things that she didnt think I could hear...so basically they all want me to bend but refuse to do the same, and expect DH to do the same, which he flat out refuses to even consider. End of the story, nothing has changed and I am sick of wasting my breath. Everything is because DH is "brainwashing" me because I couldnt think these things on my own...hahah.
They are ignorant and refuse to acknowledge their wrongs, and until that happens I am not going to stop "harping" on the past.
Rebekah
(((((((((Rebekah)))))))))))
I'm so sorry.... and I thought my parents were asking for too much this year !!!
I hope you get some peace, celebrate your holiday and be with the family that loves you and understands you.
love u, hang in there
God could not be everywhere, so