Anyone wanna trade families with me??
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| Thu, 12-22-2005 - 10:09pm |
Call it an early Eid gift? C'mon guys, I really want a new one!!! SO I called my mom today to see what she wants to do about the gifts she bought the kids for xmas. Just trying to see if she wanted us to come by and pick them up, or if she wanted to come here and sit while they opened them, like tomorrow or something. She starts to say how I am cruel and awful to my children for not letting them come for xmas, but what she really means is its not fair to HER. She has this perfect family image and I am the one who screws it up, who cares about what I might care about or feel is right for my life, its not what SHE wants for me. SO its wrong, no questions asked. My entire family just lets this slide, because its easier than fighting with her, but I am sick and tired of being treated like I am the reason for every bad thing in her life, or their lives or whatever. NO one seems to care that I have an Eid celebration 2x a year, when I asked them the first year if they wanted to co e, they say "im not coming to a damn Muslim celebration" BUT I am supposed to cowtow and come for xmas at her house, and not bat an eye? NO one even bothers to try to understand that this is my decision. They even go so far as to say my husband brainwashed me, which is total BS because I was Muslim before I met him.
The crap about how I am hurting my kids by not letting them see her really kinda gets to me, but my husbands shaykh(kinda like a pastor) said something really great about that the other day when they were talking about it. He said, what can they learn from her, not in a religious sense but just in general, what can they learn? She has lied, stabbed us in the back, treated us disrespectfully, dragged the kids in the middle of this, and generally acted like a child. SO they are learning to be disrespectful, to lie and to not take responsibility for their actions. That isnt something I want them to learn no matter who its from. I didnt let them around their father when he was on drugs, for precisely the same reasoning, so I am not going to let them around her either. My sister keeps saying to give her a chance, but how many chances do I have to give? I have explained everything to her everytime we talk, for a year and a half. I am constantly defending what I believe against the people who are supposed to love me uncondtionally, but they say I have to earn their respect, and being a Muslim, just doesnt do that I suppose.
They freaking irritate me and I wish I could move tomorrow.
Rebekah


rebekah - i don't have much to offer but your dh's shaykh sounds like he's right on the money. muslims get a bad rap unfortunately because of the trouble in the middle east and some people just don't get that a true muslim is nothing like the reputations that are perceived. and the narrow-minded people that carry such animosity towards the muslims are as bad as the radicals (which i can't even say were true muslims from what i've read) who blew up the wtc in ny.
sorry, had to get that off my chest. i'm a person who believes in free choice. if you want to be a muslim then go for it. it's your given right. nobody......not even your family.......has the right to tell you that you can't. and if i were you i would just tell your mother and anyone else in your family that is disapproving that until they can respect you and your choices that you will choose to not have anything to do with them........and that includes your children! and then wait for them to contact you.
i don't have that luxury unfortunately, as i live with my mother and have to hear her grief over my religious/spiritual choices. and at this point, to be honest, i don't even know what i believe anymore. so i just refer to it as my higher power and figure i'll know it/recognize it when the time is right. right now i'm not in the best of places and that is keeping me from figuring it out, but so be it. my mother, however, cannot understand this. so i stay out of her way as much as i can but living in the same house makes that difficult at best. this is yet another reason my stability is so messed up right now.
i really hope you can have some peace soon. i know your family has been causing you major grief over the christmas thing and i hope they let up. and if they persist, you might want to point out that it's not very christian to condemn a person for believing in the one true god, no matter if the name is god or allah (if memory serves me correctly?) sorry, people who condemn others for nothing more than religious differences really sets me off. and it's not fair to you, your dh or your kids to have to endure the short-sidedness of your mother.
i hope i haven't offended you.
traci
hon..I'm very sorry she is putting you thru this.
******POSSIBLE TRIGGS*********
Mine isn't quiet that bad...but they are pushing me to come over tomorrow...while my brother(s) are there.
God could not be everywhere, so
Traci,
Thank you so much for your post, it meant alot to me to know you care, especially considering whats going on with you lately. Im glad to see you are taking positive steps about that btw :) yanno sometimes I think half of our BP problems stem just from our families alone. You mentioned living with your mom and that has to be the hardest thing in the world. I was homeless instead of living with my mother, simply because I knew we would end up killing eachother, literally. So I applaud you for your strength to suck it up and do whats good for your kids, and your right, the Muslims that blew up the WTC were Muslims in name only, not in belief. They are considered apostates by all the Muslim religious leaders in the world. I wish everyone would open their brains and realize that its possible. I mean what if the entire world said all Christians are terrorists because of the IRA or Timothy McVeigh or the abortion clinic bombings? Its just stupidity.
As far as what you believe spiritually, let it go, when the time comes you will know its right. I had not picked up any sort of religious anything for like 7 years and then one day after 9/11 I was at school and walked past some Muslims and asked them for a copy of the Quran because I wanted to know what they believed, and out of fear, I didnt pick it up again for 2 years, I just put it in a drawer. Then I finally felt like I needed to have some spiritual convictions in my life or my kids would have a hard time in theirs (just my belief, so dont be offended at all ok?)so I took a class at school on World Religions,and learned about all the major religions in the world, and I never could understand Buddhism or Hinduism very much, they seemed really confusing, but Islam seemed alot like Christianity or Judiasm but alot more focused....so I learned about it more and converted later that year. But no matter what anyone would have done or said, I would have never made that choice till I was ready, and you shouldnt either. Dont force it, there is a perfect time for everything in life and you are on the right track!
Anyways, thank you for your support and have a wonderful holiday
DOnna,
THank you for that. Thats exactly how I feel except not nearly to such an extreme, but even if it was, I know my family would react the same. Its not about us, its about their perfect family picture. You can come to my house for xmas :) We dont even put up a tree, but we can pass out presents if you want! haha. Its good in a way though I think, this break from my family, it allows me and my children and DH to make our own holiday traditions as a family and make good memories that dont involve simply doing whatever my family decides(without my input of course, because I am a brainless lump) Thats absolutely the worst, the lack of respect. Yanno, I graduate from college next year, after 10 years of going to school and countless times of my family saying its not worth it and its pointless and all this stuff, I am considering not inviting any of them but my father. He is the only person who has pushed me to go to college, even though thats all hes ever done,its better than the "caring" the rest of hte family did. My father sends us xmas cards and also says we can open the kids gifts on Eid if we want, he never says anything about our choices, and that infuriates the rest of my family, because he must not "care" about me or the kids. UGH
Anyways Thank you again, I know sharing that stuff is painful, but I appreciate it so much. I love you and truly hope that no matter what you do this year, its what YOU want for you and your family, you deserve to have every holiday be the best it can be.
Rebekah
You are too cute !!!
It really isn't bad when I bring it up anymore...this is why I'm thinking 1...the meds are working (at a lower does at that) and 2...I somehow must have been validated by sticking up for myself to my parents.
who knows...maybe it will be different if i see him again.
God could not be everywhere, so