My update...some trigs
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| Tue, 01-03-2006 - 8:11am |
I had the weekend from hell...I went back on Prozac on Friday and it sent me through the dang roof...I was SO agitated...SO angry! So RAGING! And I had to go take care of my mom all weekend. Not a good combination. Somehow I made it through without killing everyone in sight. I almost got into 3 fights though, lol. My mom told me I had to calm down...I told her NO I DID NOT have to calm down. That I could kill anyone I wanted, at any time I wanted. LOL. Funny now, yes...but I was quite serious. I went to stupid Walmart and that's what did it...I always freak out in walmart...too crowded. Then she wanted to go to this restaurant on Sunday...so we went...she's all doped up on her Methadone and for 15 minutes I asked her what she wanted...she kept saying I don't know...I don't know, I don't know...OMG, I was so MAD. I kept my cool, except for getting a little short with her...she finally ordered soup. But the restaurant was SOOOOOOOOOO loud...REALLY loud and I can't deal with noises either. Finally, my dad came home and I got the hell outta dodge. Came home. DH was asleep. I tried to wake him up. He wouldn't wake up. So I started poking him, and then I got mad and REALLY started poking him...so he got mad, and grabbed my hands and kept squeezing them hard, really hard...and wouldn't let me go. I wanted to kill him too. I told him if I had a knife I would stab him and then he would let me go. So then about 10 minutes later, he let me go. My hands that already hurt, were really hurting. It all finally hit me. I was exhausted...no sleep all weekend...I was mentally drained from my raging...I felt guilty for being so mean to everyone...and I lost it. I cried and cried and cried...had panic attack after panic attack. Finally took several (6) ativan over a period of 2 or 3 hours and was able to sleep.
Yesterday, was better. Went shopping. Spent money. But it was worth it. I feel better. Got everyone something. I got some jeans and two shirts which I needed desperately. All size 18s. The jeans are stretch jeans and I coulda gotten away with a smaller size because of that, but they're just fine.
I plan on continuing my healthier eating plan this week, but I am not getting on a scale, for anything. Its hard too.
Yes, I'm pretty manicky today. I know you can tell, lol.
But its better than suicidal.
Love to all,
Keli

((((((Keli)))))))) glad to hear you're feeling better:) I know exactly what you mean about the rage and all of it. Hopefully once the prozac gets situated and all, you'll get to that "even" point. I hope so anyway.
Your appointment with the RA doc is coming up soon isn't it? Keep us posted on that as well. I hope he/she can get you on something that will actually provide relief. Prednisone or whatever.......that has gone on way too long and that gp that has made you wait should have a complaint lodged to the medical board.........imho.
Hang in there girl!
Love You,
Traci
(((Keli)))
Sorry to hear about the weekend...its not fun, is it?
I'm glad today is better, I'm glad you were able to shop, it does help.
God could not be everywhere, so
Hey hon,
Sorry about your weekend. I can relate 1 billion percent about walmart and restaurants. I get the EXACT same way. I hate noise and crowds, it drives me insane and then I start raging on everyone for days...its not nice at all. I wonder if they have meds for that? Anyways, I am glad you were able to go shopping, I know that always makes me feel a bit better even if I have to buy clothes in a big size. However, I refuse to buy more clothes. If I buy things that look pretty in this bigger size then I get complacent and eat more because I think I look ok....which is SO not true right now. Anyways, I love you and I hope now that you are manicky your day will get better :)
Rebekah