racing thoughts crashing into hubby
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| Wed, 01-04-2006 - 2:02am |
Tonight, my new hubby and I could be called...active. I was down about something that had nothing to do with him and started snapping at him a bit. He went into a temper tantrum after I apologized and begged him to hold me and tell me all was OK. He said he exploded because he's having trouble breathing and thinks it might be serious. I then did what i could to comfort him. He's asleep now, and I never got the comfort I needed.
Married folks, how do you balance that? I want to offer emotional care for his problems, which might include worry, but I just can't worry all the time, it's exhausting. And, do I get to have times when my emotional needs are met too? How do we meet the middle ground here?
Express!
Beth "Petrouchka"
P.S. I honestly believe that the object of a disagreement is not to win, it is to walk away not hating each other

That's a really hard one for me...I am selfish when it comes to that...I know that, but I can't seem to change it...I don't know...we don't argue much...but I "hog" all the attention and care...terrible...but true. Luckily, my dh is very low maintenance.
If our situations changes, and he needed MY care, I would do it in a second, and very selflessly. We've been together for 15 years now...I don't know...its give and take and I guess you just learn by doing.
Sorry I'm not more helpful.
Hugs,
Keli
Beth - Keli is right with the give and take. If I recall correctly, you and dh haven't been married that long?
For this particular situation, my only suggestion is to be as supportive as you can be (not as supportive as you feel you "should" be) and once this situation is resolved, talk to him about this.
When I was married I got myself into trouble by supporting xh as I thought I "should" instead of what I was able to do. So everytime he needed my support he expected more because he knew I would put my life on the line for his. He is a narcissist in every sense of the word, but that's beside the point.
If you do the best you can without compromising your own health, that is good enough! That is my point. You are still learning the ropes as far as marriage goes, so take it one moment or one day at a time. You both will get through this and grow from this.
Hope this helps.
Hugs,
Traci