Vent...maybe some trigs maybe not
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| Wed, 01-04-2006 - 8:16am |
Morning girls
I am now in some sort of mixed episode, at least thats the best name I can come up with for it. I am somewhat manicky(not sleeping,brain going 4 billion miles and hour)but then I am depressed because of situational stuff with DH. It kinda gives me some insight into what its like when I am depressed really bad. He doesnt even talk to me, just sits on the computer all night long and then I go to bed. His attitude toward me is just like he doesnt even notice Im there. I am trying to keep myself out of bad depression because of all this crap with my family and him losing his job and everything, and I have been able to stay out of that and now just seeing him like this makes me get depressed too.
He says really mean stuff when he is depressed too, which doesnt help. He's been telling me my butt is too big, and that I am whiny and he told me "even after you think your sink is "shiny" its not, its still gross. doesnt it suck when someone tells you the truth?" Thats like one of the few things ever that I was really proud of because I thought I was getting better at cleaning the house and then he said that and it just made everything bad again, then we got in a huge fight and now we just arent talking to eachother.
I hate life like this, I mean its not like I can go run to my mom or my sister and talk to them about anything, so I just sit here and pretend everything is ok. I am sick of playing nice for everyone else's sake. Its impossible to talk to him right now, and even when I can, he gets annoyed, like he doesnt want to hear about whats wrong with me. His attitude is just take your meds and shut up about it. He pretends to listen but I dont think he hears even half of what I say to him when I talk. I miss the way things were before, when he was working in the office and we had enough money and everyone was happy most of the time except when I got depressed or Abby was sad. On a good note, she seems to be doing alot better. At least at home she is. I need to talk to her teacher and see how shes been at school.
Sorry about this being so long
Rebekah


Oh honey! I'm sorry...I am a big manicky mess myself right now, so I can't even think straight enough to give you any real insight or advice...just know I love you and I'm here for you.
Keli
oh (((((((((((((Rebekah))))))))))))
you are doing better...you do clean just fine...and you are doing what you can to help yourself get healthy (walks/eating better/etc)...he's just being mean b/c of where he is right now...I'm so sorrry.
Dont you wish sometimes you could just smack them out of it?
God could not be everywhere, so
he had the seasonal work with UPS, and when he got hired they said they wanted him to take a supervisor test, well he never spoke to them again. I kept telling him to go find the woman and talk to her, he made excuses, so I said ok wait till after xmas and then go back or apply for it online(they wont let you apply online if you are an employee, you have to go to that lady) so now hes not an employee and he tried to apply online, and they still say he has to go in there, which he wont do for some reason. He has self confidence problems and if he doesnt know how to do something exactly, he doesnt do it at all.
But then on some things, I do it for him, like his school financial aid crap, that we HAD to do so he could get in school next week, and he gets mad...so I dunno what to do. I cant make him go apply for jobs, he finally applied for a part time management job at Walgreens last night. So at least he did that. The Veterans people are supposed to be helping him find a job but he has to do a resume and he doesnt know how, so he hasnt even started that. I have managed to slip into full blown depression...yay! I am just gonna try to not let it get too bad. I havent been taking my meds, so if I take my a/d then I will probably swing right back out of it. I hope anyway.
Rebekah
I'm sorry you hit the depression level...I know its hard, I can't imagine.
God could not be everywhere, so