I lost the baby--trigs

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
I lost the baby--trigs
6
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 7:51am
Late Thursday night. I was in the ER from 11 PM to 6:30 AM waiting on the OB doc to come in to do the D&C. I have never experienced such pain...turns out it was contractions. This whole pregnancy was a disaster and an experience I DO NOT want to repeat. I think the fact that my uterus never unfolded played a big part in it. I think the baby simply ran out of room and my body pushed it out. If that's the case I will NEVER be able to carry a baby. I knew there was a problem from the beginning. I pretty much hurt the whole 14 weeks. Today is my first day back at work. I nearly quit because I didn't want to have to face everyone. Some of them think I should never have gotten pregnant to begin with because I'm "mentally unstable" to quote them. I HATE their false sympathy. My office is full of women, just about all of them have had babies in the 8 years I've been here. NONE of them had any problems, NONE of them miscarried and ALL of them are "normal" people. A couple were over 40 too. Sure must be nice. Can't I do ANYTHING right? I am fighting a nasty depression now and I don't think it's all related to the miscarriage. I've been fighting it for quite awhile now since before I even got pregnant but I managed to put it off. I think I am close to doing something really rash right now with no regard to the consequences. I fear I am about to snap. I need more strength but I think I'm about to run out. I wish I could start life over as someone else.
Sorry so glum,
Jodie

Jodie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 8:52am

(((((((((((((((((((((Jodie))))))))))))))))))))))))))


I don't know what to say but how sorry I am.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 9:03am
Dear Jodie: I'm so, so sorry for your loss. There is a miscarriage support board here at ivillage that may offer you support. I lost a child myself and I know there's no deeper wound. It doesn't go away. "Life on life's terms" is so much more difficult when you suffer from depression to begin with. I'm drained of my emotional energy this morning and I wish I could offer you some major support or say something terribly enlightening that would make you feel instantly better, but I'm fresh out. Having lost a child, I know there just aren't words for the loss. Anything I say is inadequate. But please know that I'm here and care about you so much. Sending you love and prayers, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

Avatar for firstglimpse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 11:29am

OOOOhhh Jodie :-(

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've never heard of a uterus not unfolding, is there something the OB's can look into to see why that would happen. Were you told if that is the case you could not carry full-term or is that a feeling you're getting? Every pregnancy is different and your body reacts differently to every pg.

It is mother's intuition knowing there was a problem from the start. When I insisted on seeing a doc the doc told me since I was so persistent she believed I would be correct. Mother's know these things deep within.

Having a mc for your first has got to be so devestating (it was my 2nd pg). My sister had 3 before she ever carried full-term. She thought for sure there was something wrong with her body. Now she has 4 little ones running over her life. (With a couple more mc between.)

You don't know if people you work with have not experienced this themselves, if there are it's possible they had their loss earlier, before they told anyone they were pg. I was so surprised, and still surprised, how many women have loss. As I told/tell people more & more told/tell me about their experience.

The ivillage mc board helped me a lot. I felt I had no where else to turn. My H was relieved by the mc, my mom & older sister could not understand my pain, my younger sister was pg & was actually wishing for a mc (I guess she forgot the pain of it all temporarily).

Try your best to ignore comments from men & women who have not been where you are. They simply cannot understand, they will want to be comforting but they will only say the wrong things.

Rest, take care of yourself, allow yourself the time to mourne.

{{{hugs}}}

Bonnie
-----
Knew I was carrying twins at 8w, knew pg was over at 10w, insisted on doc appt at 12w, induced labor at home, passed the 10w sac (no baby inside), over the course of the next 12w slowly absorbed 6w baby, now I have a dermoid cyst (filled with hair, bones, nails -anything the body cannot absorb) resting in my body.




"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 1:53pm

Oh Jodie...honey...I'm sorry...

You deserve to be depressed...and sad...you know that, right? There aren't any NORMAL people out there...and I hate the people at my work too...they're all so catty everywhere, but that's just so insensitive...I'm sorry you have to endure that.

You need some support right now...especially now...You've been hit with a double whammy...the mc and the BP depression rearing its evil head at the same time. I wish I could help. Are you on your meds? How is dh reacting?

You're a beautiful DESERVING person sweetheart and I want you to really know that...don't just hear it...KNOW IT...this wasn't your time, and you know that in your heart.

If things get too rough and you need it, go to the ER...we have btdt before, so its not like its anything new and different...If you need me, let me know.

Love you

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 4:46pm

(((((((((Jodie)))))))))) I'm so very sorry for your loss. You have every right to be depressed right now, but please sweetie, don't try to handle this on your own. Make an appointment with your tdoc if you have one.....if not get one a.s.a.p. And, also make an emergency appt with pdoc as you may need your meds adjusted short term while you go through the grieving process.


Remember that we are all here for you too. I wish I had the magic words to say to make it better or easier. But I'm just a mere mortal......according to tdoc not even superwoman anymore;) You hang in there sweetie.


Love & Hugs
Traci

Avatar for missyflanders
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 12:00pm

I wish I had more to offer you than hugs and support. We love you.

Missy