Hi...some trigs...but mostly good
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| Tue, 01-10-2006 - 1:45pm |
Hello...just wanted to drop in and say hi...I've missed you all...I had a really rough few days there...but pdoc came through as always and I'm doing MUCH better today. Last night, I was at a VERY VERY low point...I wrote down every reason why it would be better to not fight all this anymore...the whole "no more this, no more that" thing...and it was soooo long...and then on the other side was my "why i have to keep fighting" side...and there was only one thing on that side...my son, dh, and parents...but just that was so much more than enough to take my meds, go to bed, and pray with all my heart to God to help me...just help me...make it through.
I called pdoc yesterday and faxed her a list of my "problems", lol. She called me back and we talked for a good while...she said that my problem is #1 - anti depressants. #2 - PTSD #3 - Borderline Personality Disorder, in that order. So, obviously no more Prozac. We increased my Lamictal to try to compensate. I'm at 350 mgs now, and will go to 400 mgs next week. She wanted to give me an a/p too, to control some of the PTSD stuff I have going on (flashbacks, SI urges) but I'm allergic to most of them except Zyprexa and I refused that one...big time. I'll do that on my own. As for the Borderline, well, I'm a lot of things...I can manage to deal with that too. Its mostly just a name for someone who does a lot of black and white thinking, self injures, feels horribly bad about themselves due to the black and white thinking...etc.
Anyway, a lot happened and changed in a matter of a day or two...that's how fast the cycling gets...going from completely suicidal to okay and strong again in less than 24 hours...amazing what a little white pill can do.

Keli,
I hate cycling like that and I love it at the same time because you know if you can make it for another minute, it might disappear. I am glad you are better today, I am manic like crazy..still. I was right there with ya and I took a few AD over a few days and now I am through the roof because I have no lithium. Its the first week of school for me and Eid Week and the kids are out of school, so I am happy I am manic, but I wish it was a low hypomanic, but nope. I told DH the other day I was the greatest person in the world and 5 hours before that I hated myself. He thinks Im completely nuts...LOL. It doesnt help that I cant explain how I feel or what I think EVER!!! I just dont even try anymore. These kids make me rage...grrr. They talk and talk and talk and talk and the noise drives me crazy and they dont listen and it just makes me so mad. Blah blah blah I could go on all day. Just wanted to let you know I understand, I made a "list" last week too. I hate being BP, and I didnt realize how much being without meds blows, till this little stretch. Anyways, talk to you later
Rebekah
Keli,
I am sorry that you were having a rough weekend. Ours was a little rough too. I am glad that your Pdoc has made a med adjustment,and so far it is helping. I can not take A/Ds They throw me into huge depressions. I also refuse to take Zyprexa. When we wetre talking about changing my A/P he asked me about Zyprexa,and I quickly and quite forcefully refused.
You have your first rheumy appointment Friday don't you? Have you been keeping a log of your pain and symptoms. Do you