New with some questions.....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
New with some questions.....
4
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 8:46pm
Hi. I don't know much about bipolar disorder but I have been searching the internet looking for some info. I have recently found out that a family member is bipolar and has been diagnosed since she was very young. She has a stepmother who hates her. I can't stress enough how much her sm hates her. She's calls her dorky, ugly, stupid, bi*&%, shallow..you name it. It's hurts me to hear her call this girl all these names and for no one to step in and do anything about it. I don't know her that well, I've just recently started to know this part of the family. From what I've experienced with this girl, she seems very normal to me. I know she's on medication now. I guess that's why she seems normal to me.
On the flip side her sm has told me a few stories about this girl and apparently she has done some pretty horrible things in the past before she was diagnosed. I'm sympathetic to the sm because she's completely stressed out and is the only one who will deal with this girl at all. The girl's father totally ignores her and won't even talk to her. The girls mother lost custody and has bipolar and other disorders according to sm. I can't help but feel for this girl, I wonder if she's lonely and depressed. No other family member wants custody of her because of the things she's done in the past. I am just so sad about it all. My questions mostly are do people with this disorder ever lead normal lives? Is this girl in a situation that is making her condition worse? Is there anything I could do to help her? I let her know how special I think she is every time I see her. I try and pick out something she did that day and compliment her on it. I feel like maybe she just needs more positive encouragement. Am I wrong?

 

 

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Registered: 04-07-2002
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 9:50pm

Hi. I think it is very sad that your family member is leading the life she is and am glad you want to help.

Let me start by telling you a bit about myself. I was dxed bipolar in 1993. Those years in the 90s were very hard. Many people did not know if I would ever lead a normal life. The whole thing came to a head in '99 when my evil pdoc took me off mood stabilizers and I went crazier than ever. My parents, who I was living with at the time, kicked me out on the street because of my behavior and I was homeless. But you know what? I had an angel like you. A woman who I had been giving voice lessons to took me in for six weeks and helped me not only get on my feet, but get an apartment, too. I eventually found a job, and by 2000, I was in graduate school. I finished graduate school and started working as a teacher. I am not working now because...guess what? I met a wonderful Canadian man and married him! I cannot work while going through the immigration process here.

So you see, bipolars can have happy endings in life, but often need help. I hope you can help this family member of yours, if not financially, then by giving her the love I can promise you she so desparately needs.

Express!
Beth "Petrouchka"

Avatar for nodinero
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Registered: 06-01-2005
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 10:19pm

Thanks for your response. I have had several conversations with this girl and she seems like a bright and wonderful spirit. Her sm on the other hand claims that this girl has a low IQ and just says stupid things to hear herself talk. It's sad because there are two other girls in the family who are not bipolar and they are treated like royalty. One is older and she is constantly praised and given gifts. The other is younger and she's spoiled rotten. This girl is actually responsible to clean up after the youngest. She has to entertain her, do whatever the girl asks...like getting her something to eat, drink...play with. I feel in my heart that this girl is being kept from being the best she can be. It's a total cinderella story.

I'm glad you posted about your successes in life. It really confirms my belief that this girl has so much more potential than her parents credit her with. At this time I know that they are looking to have her placed in some kind of home for kids with bipolar. I've been praying that they can't afford it...but on the other hand I wonder if it wouldn't be better for her.

 

 

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Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 8:32am

Hello there...when I first read your message, I had to stop and come back and read it again. I want to tell you that you are a wonderful person for wanting so much to believe in this girl. She DOES have so much potential...when I was 14, I tried to kill myself...by overdosing...I didn't get any help for it...my parents just thought it was for attention...maybe it was? I don't know...but throughout my teen years, I did some REALLY REALLY wild stuff...drugs, sex, made horrible decisions, got pregnant when I was 19 and then got married and calmed WAY down (got depressed) for years after...then when I was about 25-26, I got MANIC! WOW, did I ever get manic...I was on top of the world...or so I thought...then about 4 years or so ago, it all came crashing down on me...during that time, I've been hospitalized 4 times, and am now medicated...I've managed to work for the last 18 years, and save my marriage, and raise a teenager. It hasn't been EASY, but I've done it.

There are degrees of Bipolarity...not to say one is any easier than the other...but some people are able to get on meds, and get stable immediately and just like that are "normal" individuals, living life. Others, it takes a lot longer, if ever, to get truly stable. I am one of those people. But I live as normally as I can. I no longer participate in ANY of the dangerous or manic activities that I used to. Because I now know what they are...I didn't before.

Medication and Education are the key to living with Bipolar. She needs treatment. By a GOOD psychiatrist...and therapy is a good idea too.

Thank you for wanting to know more about Bipolar. Not many people do...they just label us as crazy, or wild, or nuts...and we're not...we're as normal as anyone else...we just have an illness. An illness that CAN BE TREATED.

Hugs to you,

Keli

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Registered: 11-18-2003
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 9:36am

Welcome to the board:) I agree with what Beth said. It IS possible for bipolar people to lead normal lives. What it takes to get to that point is treatment, a willingness to continue treatment