UGH!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
UGH!
4
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 10:22am

Called my GPs office this morning...the ONLY way I can see the only other Rheumy my ins pays for is if the other Rheumy won't see me anymore...anyway, the nurse is going to talk to my GP to see if he will treat me...at least give me pain meds, and another anti-inflammatory in the meantime.

This is soooo ridiculous. I KNOW my GP won't treat the RA.

And the stupid RA doc says its all in my head basically.

I don't feel good again, the stupid flu/cold stuff keeps going around here...and I'm so tired...from the pain, and the depression...and being sick.

and I'm soooo tired of pretending everything is okay because I don't want to complain! But I don't want to complain...I want to be normal...that is all I want, dang it. And it just isn't going to happen.

I am THIIIIIIIIIIIS close to going off all these meds, going crazy, and locking myself up in the psych ward forever. What good am I right now to everyone anyway? I am VERY VERY VERY mean right now...very irritable...and mean...that's the right word...just mean.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: keli003
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 12:23pm

GPs office called back...he's calling in rx's for pain meds and an anti inflammatory...they don't know what else to do. At least I have that.

I'm so down...so so so so so down...and I don't know how to get back up out of this...I don't...I usually know how to fight my way back out of these down episodes, but i've crashed so hard, and i don't know what to do. can't call pdoc...what can she do???? i've run the course of all the damn meds, can't take any anti depressants...can't go up any higher on Lamictal...

I'm not much good to anyone these days...i'm really not...i'm depressed, in pain, fat, lazy, irritable, mean, guilty, embarrassed...am too all of those things, oh and not to mention too broke, to want to leave my house to actually live a life. I forgot tired.

I am SOOO not going to the hospital either...period. I don't care what happens, I'm not going...

So what is even the point of my posting???? God, I don't need to bring you all down too.

I just don't know where to turn or what to do. I really just don't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: keli003
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 1:12pm

Keli,


BTDT w/docs that tell me my pain is all in my head just because they can't see past the BP--which is why it took me so long to get my referral to the rheumatologist.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
In reply to: keli003
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 1:55pm

((((Keli))))


I really have nothing to offer right now....just wanted to say how sorry I am you are going thru this...and I've said it before, and I'll say it again....it could be the lamictal.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
In reply to: keli003
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 6:36pm

I dont know what I can offer to the discussion of RA but fell your pain about being down and depressed. I know what its like about not being a complainer. But I hope that you will be able to get through this tough time and that it will quickly pass for you. I wish you good luck with everything and want you to know that even though I have never meet you I wish I could be there to give you a hug and help you through this all.

Johanna

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