God get me through!!!
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| Wed, 01-18-2006 - 6:25pm |
I haven't posted in a while, thing have been kinds smooth. But if you all remember I moved my 70yr old dad in with me 2 months ago. Well he fell off a ladder the other day and bruised his ribs and shoulder and is out of comission for a few weeks. So now that he cant do anything he feels the need to to critisize me on everything and compalin about EVERYTHING. My poor basset threw up today and he just went off about how usless he is i should get rid of him, "Just shoot him" he says. I lost it. I told him if thisis how it is gonna be he can live in my house free and clear DH and I will move out. I am tiredof him yelling at the dog an critisizing evrything that I do. He got mad and said he cant believe tha I would move out over a dog. I told him its not the dog its everything, no one wants to shoot you when you are sick. He has to tell everyone what is wrong and how things can be done better. Never is it that someone did something good. He cant keep his mouth shut and just say thats nice. He says everyone needs critisim. But thats ALL he ever gives. And to top it all off Dh is gone to CA for 5 wks. I am on my own with him. And I have no meds. I know to be patients he is 70 and set in his ways and he doesnt feel well. But I am feeling like a beat dog. I cant stop crying(when he is not around) I cant stop beating up my self for not being stonger and just ignoring it all. I know god wouldnt give me a harder cross to bear then his own, but I dont know how long I can take care of him with out wanting to kell him or resent him. And I know when I start to feel this way I just start in a downward spiral. And I am trying to avoid that. Please someone help me get through this. Thank you all for listening to me rant and cry and scream.
Johanna

Hi Johanna,
Rant, cry, and scream all you want!!! I know how you feel. My mom does that a lot, I dont live with her, but I'm usually living with her basically every weekend...I don't know how I get through it either. We're here for you, so please feel free to talk to us and let us help as much as we can, okay?
Love and Hugs,
Keli
Keli
Thank you for your positive thoughs. I hope you are doing better today as well. I am a bit better. I did have a rough night last night. I couldnt stop crying and my mind was racing and I just couldn't shut it off. I was on the phone with DH last night and I was so up set that I finally told him that I wished I would go to sleep and never wake up ever again. Well needless to say he wasnt that happy then. He said tha if thisis how things will be he will move us out. I am not sure if we would go bak to FL or not cause we really love PA. But I have weened my self off all meds now for about 6 months and went with the natural thing and I still have my moments but after 6 yrs of threapy I have come to realize when I am starting to change. So if I can just keep talking through it and keep busy i know this too will pass. It is just getting harder and harder as time goes on. I too wish I was normal and could just laugh like others and let things roll off me like others. I too am tired of the mental and physical pain. I think the worst thing is that I cant seem to have or keep any firends due to this condition. I cut my self off form eveyone and the world cause it is just easier to deal that way if that makes any sence. So I guess no matter waht I do I am stuck with my pain in the butt dad...lmao
Johanna