This is kinda long

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2005
This is kinda long
2
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 7:52pm

Things are not good around here lately. My husband acts like its a bother to even talk to me or be around me at all, I call him to ask him a question about something and he answers the phone "What", like I just interrupted the most important part of his life. He has been sick for the last few days and so I have left him completely alone and he slept pretty much the whole time. I understand he doesnt feel good and that makes you cranky but I have been as nice as I can and havent asked him to do anything for me and have taken care of the kids and him and everything else and not complained once about it....but I didnt pee in his wheaties, so why is he acting like I did? I mean its ridiculous, you would think I did something horrible to him, and I didnt do anything. I mean usually I am at fault somehow....but I really didnt do anything this time.

I think I resented him for a while because I dont like the fact that his diabetes is bad and his cholesterol is high and his blood pressure is high, and he refuses to eat healthy or exercise, but then tells me I should. I was watching the Biggest Loser last night and I related so much to the chick that lost...Rasha was her name...she needed someone to help her and no one really gave a flip, pretty much how things go around here. But she tried her best even when her fiance' did his own thing and was able to lose 70 lbs. So I decided to tell the world to kiss my butt and do what I think I should and who cares if they like it or not.

I dont feel like my husband is playing on a team and I am sick of being team captain or being treated like crap if I dont take charge of things and stuff goes wrong. So I am not going to play anymore. I will start my own game, and if he wants to play my way then ok, but I refuse to let him blame everything on me and not support me at all.

I cant even talk to him about my bp anymore. I envy Keli so much because even with all the problems with her DH and family and DS and everything, her DH really tries to be there for her. My DH did after I wrote a suicide note one night, then he treated me like crap for 3 days because he didnt get enough sleep that night and was tired and had to do things the next day. I am going to make ME proud of me and make MY life meaningful...who cares what he does or doesnt do.

So last night I did the two mile WATP video at 10:30 at night, and took my Lunesta and went to bed, got up this morning and did all the normal school crap and came home and made cookies with my kids that I promised two weeks ago we would make. I ate very healthy for the last two days, we even went out to dinner the other night and I got grilled chicken and steamed veggies and salad...at a restaurant!!! So I can do this and I am going to do it. I decided I am going to go to graduate school to be a librarian. I sat down thinking about all the things I like to do, and that is something I really like and I can work in museums or school libraries or a public library and lots of other stuff and its calm and quiet and structured and monotonous...which is perfect for me.

Sorry this was so long, I just really needed someone to talk to about how I feel.

Rebekah

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 8:13am

I'm glad you were able to post and let us know how its going.


Can't say much else really.

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God could not be everywhere, so

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 8:32am

Rebekah,

Don't envy me...my dh is being a real you know what...I have been basically suicidal for days now...and he just sits there and lets me cry...i'm so tired...so very very tired...

You're doing exactly what you should be doing...everything FOR YOU!

I'm proud of you and you should be proud of yourself.

Love you.

Keli