The sky is falling
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The sky is falling
| Mon, 01-23-2006 - 3:48pm |
Well my life has not been that great as of late. I have been in a deep dark depression. Last week I wanted to die. When I was driving I kept thinking about driving head on very fast in front of a big truck or hit a tree.
I am having A LOT of problems in my relationship. I packed everything I had here and was ready to move out. Billy told me if your leaving me gert the F out now. He got in my face and everything. Well, he then asked me to stay and I did...what a fool I

Tina,
Honey, I love you...I'm really sorry I haven't been there for you, but last week was bad for me too...I too wanted to die. I feel a lot better now. Ya know, something to think about with Billy is that you are going through the whole grieving process and anger and abandonment and relationship issues are BOUND to be part of it. You simply aren't happy right now and its upsetting everything in your life. Are you still seeing your tdoc?
You and Billy have gone through a lot together and BELIEVE ME do I understand what you are going through now. You know what I've gone through with Eric. But I hung on and life with him is better now than ever before, though we still have our challenges. Relationships, even in the best of circumstances, aren't all roses and happy faces.
If you are being hurt, then you obviously need to get the heck outta dodge...if you are insanely unhappy, maybe the time "away" in his son's old room, will put some perspective back into the relationship. You know that our BP makes any decisions we make harder to make.
If you need me, call me. I'll be on AIM tonight if you are able to sign on. I can't email right now.
I hope I didn't explain everything all crazy...I'm kinda manicky and jumbled up right now.
I just want you to remember that I have BTDT and remind you that you and Billy have come a long way...not that I want you to be hurt...I just want you to be happy again.
Keli
If you are that unhappy, you do need to leave.
God could not be everywhere, so
Keli-
I am glad you are feeing better than last week. I know that Billy and I have been through a lot. I make sure I meet his needs and wants and I am hoping he will want to meet my needs and wants. I am so happy for you that you and your dh have made so much progress. I know you are there to support me when you can.
Donna-
You weren't being to harsh or mean. I have decided, after some thinking that I am going to work on me. I go to my tdoc tomorrow and I am going to see if she can help me make a plan to depend more on my own happiness and let go of his needs a little more. Do what I need to do for me. I love him, I truely do but I need to get my head straight and when I feel a little stronger I will leave if there is no long term improvement on his part, but between than I will do my best to work on my issues.
I love you guys so much. This is really a safe place for me to come to vent. Thanks for being my friends.
Tina~