terrified of living with Bipolar2
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| Fri, 01-27-2006 - 3:42am |
First time here. I have been taking 60mg of Cymbalta and 400mg of Equetro for over a year. My anxiety level is down but my depression is not. It is so rare that I am happy that I can count the good days each year, if I have 10 it is a good year. The rest of the days are horrid.
I cannot get away from legal problems since I was widowed 16 years ago. I inherited $1.75M in a trust fund. Lots of money! My mother told me how lucky I was and how many women would be happy to be in my position and that I should stop complaining. I was 33 with 3 children, 9,2 and 5 months. The trustee and my in-laws managed to steal most of the money. I spent $125k to get a hold of the trust. There is NOTHING left and I am worse than broke.
A young relative stole my i.d. 10 years ago. She spent $500 a month at Victoria's Secret. My perfect credit was ruined. My sister would not let her admit her actions and the credit card co. sued me. I had to sue her to restore my name. The judge would not award me any money for the hundreds of hours of work I did. He told me he could not give me any money for my work because I was a stay at home mom and he could not put a dollar amount on my time. My attorneys charged me $59k for a $5k judgement which I cannot collect on. I filed a complaint with the attorneys and received some of my money back but needed another attorney to accomplish. This was going on at the same time as the trust lawsuit. The thief was my mother's favorite in the family. I was disowned by not only my parents but 4 siblings and their children, most adults now. I have not been in the family for 9 years. I had helped out everyone in the family in anyway possible.
I remarried after 6 years to a guy from my high school, met at the 20th reunion. As soon as we married my first husband (I put him through college and law school) sued me for custody of our now 15 year old son and won. I was concerned about my husband's beer drinking and we went to an alcoholisim conselor. Everything seemed o.k. As the years went by he drank more and more and worked less and less. He did not work a single day the last 3 years of our marriage. I divorced him last May. He is $24k behind in child support and maintenance.
I decided enough was enough, several years before the divorce we decided to move to Europe to get away from the judicial system. When my mother found out she sued me, her effort to try and see my children. She had made NO attempts to see them in 5 years! She lost. I tried several times to get her to go to consuling with me and she refused.
My ex never made it here to Europe. I have been here for 4 years and until recently loved it here. I have run into the same type of people and the same types of situations. I am still having legal problems at home. I have had to hire lawyers for 13 different cases.
I turned 50 recently and I received one card in the mail. No telephone calls or e-mails, no gifts. I have not had a gift from anyone for nearly 2 years. Not that the gift is important but it would be nice to be thought of. I always give gifts. Not one of my children told me Happy Birthday on the day.
So now I am in the longest manic depressive episode I have ever had. I cannot do anything but think of what to have for my next meal. I want to and am sleeping 12-14 hours a day. I am applying for SS disability and I qualify for 4 categories. I have psychiatrists here and in the US, they both think I am on the right medicine. They both say that I need a support group and someone to talk to. I travel back and forth too much to have a support group and I really have no one to talk to. I was happy to find this site. I was sad to see so many young women who are having such difficulties. I hate to say this but I had those difficulties at that age and they have never stopped. The last 2 years have been unbearable.
How do I find something to look forward to? I cannot imagine why my feelings would ever change, I am stuck with this disease! I have attempted suicide several times and know what won't work for me. I try not to think about it but it keeps going through my mind. The only thing that stops me right now is my fear that my oldest son will do the same, he is so much like me.
Thanks, I just needed to say something.

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missemilyjane,
I think it is great for you to check it out over here. The best thing you have going for you is being able to get into the "system" here. If you have a passport from any EU country you can easily travel or work in any of them. I really wish I could get one. That's why I don't really live here legally, not illegally either. I am a tourist and I never stay for more than 2 months at a time, the limit is 90 days.
If there was anything I could have changed in my life it would have been to come here at your age. I don't think I would have ever left. I prefer living here to the US. It just suits me better. There is so much less stress where I am. No car for 4 years! That in itself is a big non-worry. I am forced (gladly) to walk everywhere or if needed I can easily take public transportation, it is just around either corner of my block.
The UK is great, I have been all over but it can really be gloomy. A lot of people here have the special lights to prevent depression because of the gloom and dark. We are so far north that it is very dark in the winter but.... very light in the summer. It does not get dark here until 11pm!!
For me it has been a good experience. I had my two youngest in International schools here for 2 years. One loved it and one hated it. The best part of them being here is that they will never be afraid to travel to foreign countries and they will not be afraid of people who are different. There were kids from 77 countries at their school. They learned a lot about different people and customs. Sometimes there were kids at my house who were Muslim, Jewish and Christian together just having fun. If kids can do that when they are young why can't they continue to get along?
Many people though are anti-American and you have to be careful no matter where you are. I personally have found the eastern European people, Polish, Czech, etc., to be so kind. They are happy to be able to obtain a better life for themselves.
The best thing I think is that it opens your mind, nothing wrong with that. I think that is what we are supposed to do. Besides London is soooo cool! As you can see, one thing I can really get excited about is Europe. I do love it here, even if the last few months have been lonely.
Thanks for responding, keep me up on your plans.
Janet
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