Wow, I'm okay today...and amazed cuz...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wow, I'm okay today...and amazed cuz...
2
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 8:40am

last night was bad...I got in a huge fight with Mike, my ds, who is 15 going on 25. Sometimes I really can't stand him. He wanted to do this basketball thing where he travels with the team and the fee is $300. I said no. He then went on to go into this giant rage, which sent me into a GIANTER (lol) rage...OMG. I screamed, he screamed back...I pinched him, then hit him across his arm with the back of my hand, all I could do while driving.

Now normally, I let things roll...but not this time. He was saying he hated living in a poor family, that the "stupid" car I bought caused us to "go broke" for 2 months...he hates me...all this at the top of his lungs...I was so hoarse afterwards I could barely talk...yes, I used VERY colorful language with him, but I couldn't help it...he really set me off. He is VERY spoiled and gets whatever he wants. My fault. I make sure he gets just "the right" shoes and clothes for school. He doesn't ever remember that when we are arguing about "being poor". He doesn't want for anything except more cash...I told him when he got a job he could do what he wanted. That if he didn't want to live with us while we are so "poor" then he could go elsewhere. He screamed again that he hated me...

But I didn't cry, or get more depressed...I got freaking MAD.

He is now grounded. Dunno what good that will do.

He finally called me downstairs and asked me if i owed him an apology...I was like WTF! Then he said, okay, i'm sorry...so let's do it at the same time, lmao. So we shook on it. Then the brat asked me to cook dinner...I'm such a sucker. But I'm glad it ended that way...it could have gotten much worse.

Teenagers are SO hard to deal with.

I feel okay today...so far...and I'm not going to look ahead. Only at this hour...then the next hour...then the next. That's the only way I can get through, ya know?

Love to all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 9:35am

ah...life with a teenager..heck mine isn't even 13 yet !!!


I didn't yell last night..my voice was hoarse from the previous 2 nights !!!


I hope your mood stays good...me too, me too !!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 2:32pm
Hi. I'm pretty new here. Your message hit home with me and I wanted to reply if that's ok. I am in kind of the same situation. I never talk to anyone about it, cause they don't understand why I get in such a rage at times with my dd who's 16.
I have BP2 and she has executive function disorder and ADD innatentive. Like everyone says, it's hard to help your children with their problems when you have problems yourself.
We are poor, and can't have the things she wants to have. But, she has been good about this and never argues about it. Our problem is that she doesn't want to do anything we want her to do. And she doesn't do it, either. And I sometimes wonder if it's because she's being this way 'on purpose', or if it's her 'problems' kicking in here and causes her to forget, etc.
It's a fine line between knowing if the child really is rebellious and doesn't WANT to do what you say, or if it is really because of their problems and they don't MEAN to not do what you say.
Anyway, our situation got really bad because for years we went to every psychiatrist, psychologist, counselor, therapist, etc we knew of and no one helped! We wasted years, time, money, everything.
We were constantly at each others throats. I was in a mental and emotional mess over her. I just didn't know what to do with her. So out of desperation she begged to live with her grandparents. It was so messed up at the moment I just said go ahead and go.
I hate this choice I made because if I had only had the RIGHT help, ANY help, we might could have made things better and be able to live with each other.
She's not a 'bad' kid. NO drugs, drinking, running away, fighting, etc. She just wouldn't do what we wanted. We only tried to get her to 'behave' and she wouldnt'.
It ended up that some of our family members are against US as parents, and say we were BAD to her. All we ever tried to do was get her to behave. And we are BAD for that.
She has been with her grandparents since the end of October. 2 hours away. And even though she is so much happier there, no depression, new and better friends (she was always picked on and no friends), better school, happier in school, even a new boyfriend. She is STILL acting the same way towards her grandparents the way she acted toward me and her step father. She is STILL back talking, acting ugly, not doing what anyone says, etc. I know everyone says this is just being a teenager and is normal, but in her case there is so much more to it and it's not normal.
Anyway, I guess what I wanted to say is that it didn't end up good for us. She is happier, but not me. Even though I agreed for her to leave for fear of it getting so much worse if she stayed at home, I feel that my right as her parent has been taken away. It hurts so much for her to tell me the things she is and isn't doing, and I can't 'guide' her anymore. I have no say so in what she does anymore. Her grandparents 'baby' her and do a lot more for her than we ever could. They are in the money and give her everything. I don't feel this is right. I wasn't brought up this way, and I never did this for my own kids. Never handed them everything they want. They need responsibility and learn that when they are grown people are not going to hand them everyhting they want.
In all this, I have been very depressed, scared to death of how her life is going to turn out now. Her grandparents don't see the problems in her that I see. THey don't take it seriously. She is not mature enough to handle the things they are letting her do. And all I can do is stand there and let it happen. I have no control in her life anymore and if she messes up I can't do a thing about it, cause they are letting her have her way.
I guess I should have made her stay home with me, but it was getting to the point that we just couldn't live with each other.
I have lost 35 pounds, can't sleep hardly at all, am sad all the time, etc.
If she was 18 and grown, it would be ok. It would be time for her to go. But she was only 15 when she left. It wasnt' time for her to go yet.
It was just a situation of being bad if she stayed, and being bad if she goes.
I can understand the screaming and hitting. I just lost control and did this at times too. I never meant to. It was just that no one ever helped me understand HOW to handle her and I didn't know what to do with her. It made her so depressed she wanted to leave. In one way I feel I did all I knew to do, in another way I feel it's all my fault cause I let her leave and I caused her to want to leave cause I never knew how to handle her.