Lamictal helps me!!
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Lamictal helps me!!
| Sat, 01-28-2006 - 2:11pm |
Hey, I"m new here. I just wanted to say that I've started a new med called lamictal. It started helping within 2 days! Dr. also give me lexapro. Dr. said this med lamictal is mostly for people who experience the 'down' side of bi polar. He said I'm type 2 which means I have the 'down' side and not the 'up' side. I wonder why they say I'm bi polar at all, cause I am never up!!
Anyway, just wanted to let everyone know about this, in case you might think this could help you too!
I quit all my non stop thinking, being upset, depressed and sad. But, I"m still having a hard time sleeping. I've only been on the meds a week now, so hopefully this will stop, too.
Anyway, just wanted to let everyone know about this, in case you might think this could help you too!
I quit all my non stop thinking, being upset, depressed and sad. But, I"m still having a hard time sleeping. I've only been on the meds a week now, so hopefully this will stop, too.

Thanks for responding to my post. I too have only down days. I can count each year the good days, never over 10! I could not understand for years why I kept being told I was bipolar, I was never up. I now think my "up" stages are when I am really high anxiety. Then, my thoughts do race and I can get very angry. The meds have mostly calmed the anxiety, at least until I go back to America.
I am in Europe right now and have to go back in one week. As soon as I get there my heart beats faster, I have only had one good trip back in 4 years. It seems most of the time I have to go back to be in court. I cannot stay out of it and I hate it. My father was a judge and I put my first husband through law school, he became a divorce lawyer and used to sue me for fun. Thank goodness my ds is now 25 and is good to me. He is the only one who is out of my kids. There were 3 years when he did not speak with me though. I think that is why he is so nice to me now. He keeps up my house in America and stays there. He is just like me though, severely depressed. He keeps saying he wants to have suicide by cop. He told me if I commited suicide that he would too. That is the only thing keeping me going right now. I know he means it. He was abused by my sister's friend when he was three and is having lots of difficulties, especially now. He will not go to therapy for it. He does not want to talk about it.
The other kids have mental issues also. I feel so responsible. My dd is AD/HD with sever oppositional behavior and I lost custody of her in October this year to DFS. My ds is 18 and wants to join the Army this summer, he has Tourette's, mild but still. I am hoping the Army won't take him but he thinks he has been cured by a chiropractor.
I have only left my house once this last week and have had no human conversation. I sent everyone I could think of e-mails and I have had no responses in a week. I told everyone how sad I was. A little over a year ago I had a plan to kill myself, I had the date picked. I told 3 friends, all named Sue, not one ever checked on me. One of the Sue's now has custody of my daughter, she used it against me. I have to return to attend a court date with this. My daughter was taken away from me. I have been found guilty and now I have to prove my innocene in court. Been there, done that too many times already.
Have to try to get the court to go after my ex who will not pay me. He spent 60k of my money in 6 months gambling and drinking, he hid records from me and we were in the process of moving. He thinks he has done nothing wrong.
I cannot get over the fact that I am single at age 50. Never wanted to be. I like living here but everyone is young. My best friend here (who just moved to Spain) is only 29 but wise beyond her years. When she was her she would make me leave the house. No one is here to make me leave. Good thing I really love my apartment but I need to do something.
I too want to write an autobiography. I have not been able to barely use my right arm for a year because of a car accident. I am going to have surgery on my elbow soon, after that I have no excuse. People have been telling me for 10 years to write a book. The problem is, I have no ending.
Thanks again for resonding to me, it really meant a lot. This illnes really sucks!
Janet
I am so happy Lamictal is working so well for you. I have been on it 2 years in May. I have BP1. It has helped me a lot. It took some med adjustments for us to finally hit upon a dose that works well.
I hope it continues to work for you.
Hugs,
To Janet- It's funny you mention an autobiography. I am also writing one. Well two, actually. Mine is what you would call a 'christian' autobiography, and God told me to write it years ago. And the 2nd one continues from the 1st one. I have had lots of things get in the way of having it published. But I keep working at it. All I can figure is if God wants me to do this, it will happen! He told me to do this on Sep. 11, 1989. He told me to start on May 24, 1993. And I finished it on May 24, 1995. So it's been hard trying to find a publisher. It's 18 chapters and 175 pages. This is on typing paper so when it's actually in a book, I don't know how long it will be. The title of it is 'Modern Day Job' (like Job in the bible) because I have had many troubles like him. Speaking of not having an end, I don't have an end either. I guess you have to look at it like this. Since the book is about your life, it can't have an end, because you are still here. It won't have an end until you have an end. See what I mean? I have no idea how my books will end either. But since God told me to write them I'm not worried about it, I just write my life as it happens. I do have an idea how my book (and life) will end though, because God told me the name of my 2nd book is 'better than the beginning'. The reason for this title is, in the book of Job in the bible, this is one of the very last verses. It tells how his end is better than his beginning.
I sometimes feel so bad because I have this depression and stuff. Because, it's so hard to see the good things in life. It's so hard to thank God for all the miracles that have happened to me, because of the depression and stuff. It's hard to look at the 'good side' of life when the 'bad side' is drowning you.
Recently I told my England friend of how I describe my life. I just thought of this last week. You see a person in the water drowning. They are waving their arms and screaming. Someone comes and tries to save them. They can't get them out. Everytime someone tries to save them, they can't get them out. The person keeps waving and screaming, going under the water. Years and years go by. In my case, almost 24 years now. That person is still in that water drowning. And even though no one has been able to save them, this person never drowned, either. They are stuck between drowning and wanting to be saved. They are stuck between life and death. That is how I feel. I have been trying not to drown, and trying to be saved. Just think of that person in the water, being terrified for years, not knowing if they are going to live or die. That is how I feel.
But I also feel so guilty for feeling this way. God has done some wonderful miracles for me over the years. And I don't mean to be pushing God here, I really don't. I'm just wanting to say what happened to me. Which is, 'nothing' good happened for me until I started living for God. And it started. The good things, I mean. And even though my life is still full of troubles, I am always amazed at how God works them out. I don't know why I'm getting into this so much. But I have been on both sides, both with and without God. And life with him is so much better than life without him.
Even though I'm not really alone, I feel like I am at times. I've been married almost 9 years (this time LOL) and I have 3 girls. Only 1 left at home, who is 7. I don't work, partly because this 'illness that sucks' LOL keeps me from having enough sense to work LOL. Really, I'm serious. I can understand how people can be so mentally and emotionally depressed and messed up that they can't work. And I'm one of them. I have always been kind of poor, so the money doens't bother us. We are use to it. But we do complain at times wishing we had more. I stay home all day alone when my dd goes to school. Before I got my new meds, I would try to sleep all day so I wouldnt' feel my hurt and pain and sadness. I didn't want to face the world and my problems. But now I feel like I can actually get up and do things, which is the usual house work, helping dd with homework, keeping my grandbabies sometimes.
I have had some court trouble myself in the past, but nothing like your troubles. And I do have to say that God worked all that out. There was nothing I could do. Everyone was amazed.
I understand how it is not wanting to get out of the house. We have only 1 car so I dont' have a way to go anywhere. But I do try just to go outside sometimes. We're out in the country, no houses around. Anyway, I hope you feel ok in your house and about your house. What i mean is, with my house, I got to feeling it was cursed. Really! It's like a negative feeling there and seems that bad things happen to everyone in it. I was blaming the house somehow. Sometimes we would just go riding to get away from the house, cause it's like it has a negative blanket over it. But my meds have stopped this thank goodness.
I know I could write so much more but I better go for now.
Hope we can talk more soon! I'm not sure if you have written any other messages to me on this board, but I'll check.
Even though my whole life has been full of troubles and depression, I have tried to stay close to God. Right now I'm not as close as I once was, a lot of things happened to cause this. But I'm trying to get over that and get close again. I have to admit I was so much better and felt better the times I am really close to God. My problems don't go away, but I can handle them better, and also sit back and watch God work out every one of them.
I don't mean to offend anyone here talking about this stuff, but this is my life.
I'm so sorry about all your court troubles and how your life is.
I really don't understand why people are not contacting you or responding to you. Unless there's a cause or reason for it that I don't understand.
I don't know where you are in Europe but I have a 'internet' friend in England and we met by a fan club for Leif Garrett LOL I know you are older than him, don't know if you remember him. Anyway, I think she's a relative of his. She tells me a lot about him.
When I hit the edit button to check this message, it got mixed up somehow. But I dont' know how to fix it, so I hope you can understand it!! LOLOL
You are so sweet,
Your analogy about being in the water and no one can help you was a great way of describing our illness. I have not had people trying to save me though. I cannot tell you how much I pray for help. I was raised catholic but have been treated very badly by the church. I actually had a priest literally slam the door on my face because he had screwed up my annulment, which in turn the church decided 3 weeks before my wedding that I could not be married in the church. Had to find a new place and send out announcements. Of course everyone had to question why? The priest got promoted! My 2 youngest went to catholic school for a while (until they both were kicked out) and whenever I would see the priest I would look at him with complete dispair, which I felt, just to see if he would even notice. I have done this with several priests. NONE ever noticed.
Still, I pray all day. I have a few saints that I pray to. I am always asking my dead husband for help but I think he is having too much fun. 2/1 will be the anniversary of our first date, 20 years ago. I keep hoping that maybe he will think about me sometime. I feel like I am the only person with no guardian angel or spirit guiide. I carry with me a rosary from the Pope, a crystal, a picture of my late husband and my saints cards to try to protect me. They have not worked. When I return to the states next week I am going to buy some religious books that have been recommended and a Sylvia Brown book on spirit guides.
Thank goodness I am very comfortable in my apartment. I have to take 54 steps to get up here, no elevator because it is a historic building and they cannot make changes in it. The other floors are offices, except one apartment in the basement. So, after 5 and on weekends I can be really alone and really loud if I want to! I have my computer next to a window which overlooks the beautiful canal I live on. My canal is a smaller one but I can see two of the largest from my window also. The last few weeks I have found it even difficult to open my curtains. I don't want anyone to see me. I watch the news all day and get upset because so many stories remind me of me. Bad judges decisions, husbands who lie about college education, id theft, young widow, kids with mental problems, divorced at 50! I just cannot get used to being divorced at 50. I have been married, gulp, 4 times. I divorced 3 of them. The first was a jerk who became a divorce lawyer, the second had a college degree but was illiterate, the third died and the fourth is an end-stage alcoholic. So, who would ever want me? I have no money, no education, been married too many times already and I have BP2???????
I have been on my own for over 2 years and have had one date. He was great until we e-mailed and whoa... if someone would talk mean in an e-mail after a first date, that was enough. I was always pretty and now I feel OLD.
I am now in Amsterdam, I think it is the most beautiful city in the world and I have been to a lot of cities. Things here are getting more strict though because of the riots in France. I don't live here legally, I am a tourist, even though I am on my 3rd apartment and I have a bank account (nearly impossible to get). The only thing I am afraid of here is jumping off the top of my building or stepping in front of a tram. I don't feel that way right now, since I have been on meds. at least they keep me from seriously thinking about it. Thoughts still fly through my mind often though. I used to tell my ex that thank goodness he had a big family because otherwise there would not be many people at my funeral. Now I have lost all of them and even less people would be there, it would really be embarrassing. I have decided not to have a funeral at all, just a small private service.
When my father died, there were not many people there other than the large family I come from. It said a lot about his life. He had been in politcs all his life and had been a judge for over 30 years. He was not a good person, the last 3 years of his life he made no effort to contact me, even on his death bed. He told me that I had no choice but to sue my niece when she stole my id, then told her not to admit to anything!?! I can count on one hand the nice things he ever did for me. He too was an alcoholic and a mean one. I tried for years to have a relationship with him. He was not allowed to be alone in the house with any children, ever. If a grandchild would drive over and my mother was not home they would have to wait in the driveway until my mother came home. My mother has too many mental illnesses to list. I cannot figure out which is the strongest. She is 81 and has not spoken to me in 9 years! She does talk badly about me though and likes to make up things about me to tell people. I have a cousin who is a priest and stays with her every year. I have asked him numerous times for assistance, she refuses. Everyone in the family knows that I was treated wrongly but no one has the guts to do anything about it. My mother has money and they all want and need it. Even after she sued me and lost I still offered to go to consuling with her at her choice of locations. She refused. I think my kids think that they can treat me badly because of her behavior to me.
I don't know how much worse it can be when your parents, siblings and your own children don't want anything to do with you? I do have one sister with BPD, I had dinner with her 2 years ago and gave her all the facts, legal documents. I asked her what she would do with the correct information and she said what can I do. Her BPD was caused by my parents behavior, she was raped in college and knew the perp., my father did not want his good name associated with that crime so they did nothing! She never had any help, I did not find this out until I was kicked out of the family. The family just thinks she is crazy.
Well, I ramble too. Like I said I just have had no one to talk to for a week. I am really glad that I found this site, I was losing my mind!
Janet
First of all, I don't understand the Catholic religion. I have heard that they worship Mary instead of Jesus, which is not what God wants us to do. Also, I have heard from just about everyone who is familiar with the Catholic religion that they have been treated bad, and end up finding that the religion is bad.
I don't know if Catholic is considered the 'christian' religion. The christian religion has different 'denominations' such as baptist, holiness, assembly of god, weslyan, etc. Even though they are included in the same 'religion', they are all different in their own ways. Some people are very strong to argue that their own beliefs are right and others are wrong. I really don't think God or Jesus intended for people to be 'divided' into different denominations. When the church first started, in the bible, there were no divisions. This is what men started, not God.
Anyway, I don't know why I got off into all that.
Even though I try my best not to knock any religion, I do feel very strongly about mine. It HAS helped me, it DOES work! I could tell you some things you wouldn't believe. But, I"m going to reply to your email now and who knows, I might tell you some of the miracles that have happened to me!
First of all, you and others might say 'well if you feel so strongly about your religion and it has helped you so much, why do you still feel so bad? Why do you still have problems? I just don't know. We are just humans and being involved in whatever religion does not take your problems away, it just helps you with them. And in the case of my religion, it works out your problems for good.
OK, to answer your reply to me.
I have never heard of praying to dead people for help. I don't see of any way they can help. As far as books to help, I would recommend anything by Joyce Meyer. I don't know if you have ever heard of her.
I just can't watch the news at all. It just gets me too upset. I can't really watch anything 'bad' on tv like talk shows. I feel I have too many problems to sit there and worry about someone else's. I take other people's problems to heart and can't take on too much more than what I already have. I usually just watch shows that are funny. I love old shows like 'mama's family' 'in living color' '3rd rock from the sun' etc.
I don't know why I like comedy things more, it just makes me feel better.
Speaking of being married and who would want you now?? I have a story that happened to me. I was first married at 17, got pregnant. Didn't know the in laws and hubby were so dominating and evil. I was scared to death of them. Being 17 and from a great home, I didn't know how to stand up to them. They kept me away from my family and anyone I knew. A lot of things happened being in that family. Over 4 yrs later we got a divorce, and ended up that my hubby got a divorce without me even knowing about it, getting custody of our girl who was 4 at the time. I talked to 25 lawyers, who all said I was lying and some even laughed at me. They said there was no way this could have happened. But indeed this family got help from the gov't in stealing her from me. I thought I would never get her back and was very depressed and living alone. I never went back to live with my family until I got so bad off that they made me live with them. Not long after this I met someone else and got married again. I was so out of my mind that I didn't have the right mind to really see how he was. He was into drugs, drinking, partying, etc. So I went into another set of problems because of this. We didn't stay together long. I would keep telling him to leave, then felt bad and tell him to come back. We were married a year, but were only 'together' about 4 months.
Before we got divorced, I was alone at my house, and prayed to God that I wanted a baby so I wouldn't be alone. I said God if it's your will I want a baby. Well, I found out I was pregnant even before I asked. I got divorced from hubby #2 and alone, working, pregnant. I never thought I would get my older girl back. I was messed up. Anyway, before baby was born I talked to a preacher about my problems. He said I will get my girl back, but God is trying to make me see that He misses me like I miss her. Oh I cried so much. I started being a christian right then, it is called 'being saved'. And my life changed. 7 months later, I got my girl back because she said her grandfather was molesting her. Things just started happening, things I didn't even do, in order for me to get her back. This family who had her paid dearly for this.
2 months after I got her back, my other girl was born. Many many things happened. But I was alone raising them. I didn't get married. I dated a few people but none of them were good enough for me. I learned not to take just anybody. I had 2 girls to consider first. About 5 yrs later I met someone I thought I was suppose to marry. It ended up that it wasnt' him I was suppose to marry, but someone else. God let me know without a doubt who I was suppose to marry. And I married him 8 yrs later after my 2nd divorce. And talk about 'no one wanting me'!! I had been thru so many bad things I thought sure no one would ever want me. I cried to God so much. In all the years I prayed for the right husband, you might not believe this but God was teaching me how to be the 'right' kind of wife. So when the right husband come along, I knew without a doubt he was the right one. God give me all kinds of signs and dreams to let me know he is the one. I know some people dont' believe in those kinds of things.
Anyway, we have been married almost 9 yrs now. And yes I still have so many troubles that have 'spilled over' into all of my family and they ALL have problems as well. I don't know why. I could be mad at God and sometimes I am. But I believe it's a whole lot better to be on God's side and have him help me, than to be mad at him and never be a christian. All of my stories and things are in my autobiography.
So see, even though you feel all is lost, everthing is possible with God.
I am so sorry for all your problems in life. I hope I have not offended you by anything I just wrote, just wanted you to know how my life has been and what has worked. Even though I have a lot of problems, I still try to stay close to God.
People say, even though you become a christian doesn't mean you will never have problems again. In fact the opposite is true. In the bible it states 'many are the afflictions of the righteous man, but God delivers him out of every one.'
And in my life, that is very true. I have accepted the fact that my life will always have problems and never stop. And I don't handle this fact very well at times. But I try my best to hold on to God and let him help me. It has not been easy at all. But I have been on both sides of the fence. I have lived with God, and I have lived without him. And I would rather live with him than without him.
Hey there...really glad the Lamictal works for you...its a good medicine...but for those like me, who are BP I and have the up up ups and down down downs, its okay, but not wonderful. I'm on Lamictal. 400 mgs. I'm sooooo depressed lately though, and pdoc said NO a/ds except MAYBE Lexapro if it got REALLY bad...well, its really bad...thing is, I can't afford any more meds or the appt with pdoc either. Ugh.
Anyway, I am SOOOO glad for you...its really nice to hear that someone gets relief!
Hugs,
Keli
This is why I have been so against meds, and I tried my best not to take them. But I got so bad I had to and I'm glad now.
Sometimes I feel my BP2 is not as bad as what the others here go through either too, but it is a blessing. We can be here for everyone else when the need it. I know when I was not on meds, I could have used a place like this. Even now, it helps me recognize when my meds are not working quite right, when before I would not have noticed and would have gotten mad at dh for suggesting it was me in the first place.
Welcome to the board, sorry it took me so long, I have been sick.
Missy