Not too sure...
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Not too sure...
| Wed, 02-01-2006 - 12:36pm |
that ECT would work for me. I have more problems with horrible mania than I do depression. I guess it's because when I get depressed, I have to do something, ANYTHING that will put me back on a high. Like buying the car. I came off the high from that and now just ordered 25 new windows for our house at almost $10,000.00. I am charging it but hey, it's making me "high" again. I had to take 3 mgs of xanax and 10 mgs of ambien to sleep last night. I was in a total stupor. But I try desperately to STAY manic. The mania has become almost psychotic but I will do anything in my power to remain manic. To avoid depression. The depression scares me. The last time it overtook me I swallowed two bottles of xanax so I fight to keep the mania. Stability? What's that? For me, it's not going to happen any time soon. I continue to fight to remain manic...
Thanks for the responses!
Jodie
Thanks for the responses!
Jodie

Me too Jodie...as far as trying to keep myself manic...just don't like the REALLY HIGH mania like I had the last day or so...cuz I keep crashing so HARD into depression...and almost psychosis...ugh. When I was recommended ECT it was because of a depressive/psychotic episode, but then they dismissed it because I tend to go more manic than depressed. The key though is to get my rapid cycling under control...???? HAHAHA. That might not happen completely, but it can and will be a bit better, at least to a point that I can control the rest on my own. I've learned how to NOT spend. I've learned how to NOT get myself in trouble with other things that I used to do when outta control manic. So, that's progress. Just cannot cannot cannot take the crashing I've had lately. PDoc has another option for me to try, so I will try that after a couple weeks on my meds.
I too took 3 mgs of Ativan last night, and couldn't sleep. REfuse to take Seroquel, even 25mgs cuz it causes depression for me...but I've had no sleep in 3 days. I am really tired today and should be able to sleep tonight. I think that will help too.
Just hang in there as much as you can. You know to watch that spending...right?
Love and Hugs...
Still don't know if type 2 BP is my right DX.
Anyway, this is interesting to me because i didn't know there were so many symptoms of BP. Like when you say you 'have' to stay manic. I know that has it's advantages and disadvantages, but I've never been 'up' so I can't say if I would rather have that, or be depressed. When I see people on the up side of BP, it seems their feelings are not natural. It's like something is controlling them. I bet all of you are saying
'well no %*$&%' LOL
Even though this is bad for you, I don't know if this would even seem right to say I'm glad you can find a way to keep from getting depressed? by staying manic.
I am glad to be here, to have support and also learn a lot from everyone. All this is interesting to me.
There are SOOOO many different "symptoms" to the different types of Bipolar. And, to add to that, everyone is different. Some of us rapid cycle, which is me. I'm always up and down and up and down...REALLY up and REALLY down. All day and night...it could be one or the other at any given time. But that's not typical...
Mania can be addictive...when its the good, euphoric high. But its also a curse, when you are raging, agitated, and so high you get 'psychotic', meaning beginning to hallucinate, hear things, feel things, smell things, think you are in a different time, get bad paranoia...that's the BAD MANIC. And you CANNOT control it. You're right about that. But yes, we would like to stay more on the hypomanic side...which is a lower level, good manic...confused, yet?
:)
The depression isn't constant, like you said. If it were, you'd be dx'ed with chronic depression. If you are questioning your dx, you should really talk to a pdoc about it. Its really easy to misdx BPII with Depression. But with your mentioning rage, and throwing things, yelling, etc., I wouldn't be surprised if that is what clenched your dx.
Keep talking and asking questions! The ladies here are really cool...I've been doing this for 4.5 years now...but looking back, all my life.
Hugs,
Keli
Jodie
Jodie
your methods will continue to grow beyond your means & eventually the bottom will fall out.
beleive me i know how you feel.
i told my pdoc i wanted to give up my treatment & go back to mania.
but you won't be able to keep up with it forever.
please please please get help.