Wow, my ears were burning, thought it was my ear infection but this is the 2nd time I happen to come on this board & see someone asking about me :-)
ABOUT ME: I've been feeling frustrated, dicouraged & not believing H at all. Found there had been communication w/OW. He said all he did was reply to an email stating he was fine. But ended up sending her an email cc'd to me telling her all contact needed to stop as it hurts me & her. This was on Jan 30th. Anyway, so now I'm questioning every single behavior he displays. I was ready to wrap it all up & send him on his way - but then I remembered my promise to both him & myself that I will give it 1 year from the date he starts meds.
Then last night I went to my NAMI class and at the end a letter was read that was compiled by a group of people who've gone through pyschosis to their family members. I was in tears. Understanding I cannot really understand him yet as he has a lot of healing to do in so many areas. (If anyone wants it I'll type it in.)
I'm happy I've decided to put MC off until he's been medicated for 6w. Hopefully by then he'll be a little more adjusted and feeling more safe.
Although, I'm not starting to wonder what type of illness (or combination) he suffers. Borderline seems to describe more of a day-to-day life together. I've been ignoring the Borderlins stuff as I thought all suffers were violent. (H is one to do everything he can to avoid a fight, not start one.) So it will be interesting what happens with the pdoc, I will be taking a list of behaviors my H displays from depression, mania & borderline with us.
MY HUSBAND: Having a hard time at work as it's obvious they are trying to get 2 jobs completed by him & then try to find a reason to let him go. They will not even buy him a cell phone - even though he is on call 24/7.
He is becoming more tolerable of our kids every day. He even took Liam (3yrs) to the car show 2 weekends ago. The first time he's taken Liam anywhwere since August. While I was pg with Tara H would hardly ever leave the house w/o Liam, so it was good to let them have some one-on-one time.
He's having a hard time with the Seroquel as it makes him so drowsy in the AM. Hopefully after he starts other meds he can quit this one. I did read in my NAMI stuff an antidepressant induced mania does not qualify to diagnose a patient with BPI. So hopefully that means H will settle back into the BPII type of life & then meds will even calm that down a bit more. (I don't want him flat like he was 8 yrs ago !!! I think he was on Depakote by itself - but I don't really remember.)
AS A COUPLE: It's up and down. Some days I know he's happy to be home again & loves to spend time with me. Other times I wonder if he cares about me at all and only came home for the kids. This is going to sound so horrible, but I found the OW's online photo album. She is not the 'younger more beautiful woman' men seem to like to cheat with. Instead she is older, larger - much large, and not good looking at all. Pretty amazing when my H can be so shallow in judging other's appearances. I've had a hard time with that thinking he really does not like my personality any longer if he was preferring her over me.
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i.e. I'm still on a roller coaster with my own emotions.
God could not be everywhere, so
Wow, my ears were burning, thought it was my ear infection but this is the 2nd time I happen to come on this board & see someone asking about me :-)
ABOUT ME:
I've been feeling frustrated, dicouraged & not believing H at all. Found there had been communication w/OW. He said all he did was reply to an email stating he was fine. But ended up sending her an email cc'd to me telling her all contact needed to stop as it hurts me & her. This was on Jan 30th. Anyway, so now I'm questioning every single behavior he displays. I was ready to wrap it all up & send him on his way - but then I remembered my promise to both him & myself that I will give it 1 year from the date he starts meds.
Then last night I went to my NAMI class and at the end a letter was read that was compiled by a group of people who've gone through pyschosis to their family members. I was in tears. Understanding I cannot really understand him yet as he has a lot of healing to do in so many areas. (If anyone wants it I'll type it in.)
I'm happy I've decided to put MC off until he's been medicated for 6w. Hopefully by then he'll be a little more adjusted and feeling more safe.
Although, I'm not starting to wonder what type of illness (or combination) he suffers. Borderline seems to describe more of a day-to-day life together. I've been ignoring the Borderlins stuff as I thought all suffers were violent. (H is one to do everything he can to avoid a fight, not start one.) So it will be interesting what happens with the pdoc, I will be taking a list of behaviors my H displays from depression, mania & borderline with us.
MY HUSBAND:
Having a hard time at work as it's obvious they are trying to get 2 jobs completed by him & then try to find a reason to let him go. They will not even buy him a cell phone - even though he is on call 24/7.
He is becoming more tolerable of our kids every day. He even took Liam (3yrs) to the car show 2 weekends ago. The first time he's taken Liam anywhwere since August. While I was pg with Tara H would hardly ever leave the house w/o Liam, so it was good to let them have some one-on-one time.
He's having a hard time with the Seroquel as it makes him so drowsy in the AM. Hopefully after he starts other meds he can quit this one. I did read in my NAMI stuff an antidepressant induced mania does not qualify to diagnose a patient with BPI. So hopefully that means H will settle back into the BPII type of life & then meds will even calm that down a bit more. (I don't want him flat like he was 8 yrs ago !!! I think he was on Depakote by itself - but I don't really remember.)
AS A COUPLE:
It's up and down. Some days I know he's happy to be home again & loves to spend time with me. Other times I wonder if he cares about me at all and only came home for the kids. This is going to sound so horrible, but I found the OW's online photo album. She is not the 'younger more beautiful woman' men seem to like to cheat with. Instead she is older, larger - much large, and not good looking at all. Pretty amazing when my H can be so shallow in judging other's appearances. I've had a hard time with that thinking he really does not like my personality any longer if he was preferring her over me.
---------
i.e. I'm still on a roller coaster with my own emotions.
Psych evaluation 2/28.
Thanks for inquiring!
Bonnie
"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."
~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
God could not be everywhere, so