oh baby...i knew that is what it was, but wasn't going to say anything so i wouldn't trigger you INTO it, ya know? i knew you would call pdoc and he would help...he is the best thing that's happened to you...i REALLY hope you were able to get some sleep last night...please check in and let me know.
ED TRIGS... TRIGS TRIGS
As for weight loss and topamax...my pdoc put me on it TO LOSE A BUNCH OF WEIGHT period. Yes, to stabilze me as well...which its done, with the 400 mgs of Lamictal...and the other herbal stuff. I finally FINALLY feel better. Anyway, he told me point blank, he wanted me to lose my "Lithium" weight and this would help me. It kicked in yesterday...I bought a Mountain Dew and almost threw up...UGH. It was so disgusting. I couldn't eat all day yesterday. FINALLY, about 1 a.m., I forced down something...but I had to...I was feeling a bit weak. This morning, again, the thought of food is disgusting. That is what Topamax does. But for those of us with EDs already, well, you know...I HAVE TO LOSE 50-60 (or more) pounds. I went and worked out with a co-worker last night...only did 25 minutes on the treamill/elliptical thing, but its a start. I want to tone up this time, while I'm losing the weight. I know I'm going to lose it again...this time, it will be for good.
I only got about 5 hours or less of sleep last night, but not cuz of anything bad...only cuz I was reading a book, nothing good, just a junk Stephen King kind of book...
I keep thinking, not because I want to, about the SA, and the other sh*t that has happened in my life...and I'm SOOO angry about it. I want to BE angry for a while. Does that make any sense? Is that any kind of phase?
Anyway, check in with me, please...I'm so happy for your pdoc...I could kiss him! LOL.
okay...as for tonight...U CAN GET THROUGH THIS. Now, you have to put the THOUGHTS out of your head. They aren't real...they are thoughts...and for NOW, TODAY, TONIGHT, they aren't real...focus only on tonight...that very minute, and get through that only...then the next...and the next...then before long, you can get home. As for your niece, she IS safe. Your dad is ill...remember that. Your BROTHER is responsible for her, YOU ARE NOT. As hard as that is...I had to do the same thing with my nieces...I had to let them go...but that was after they were taken from me...it was different...you have to only worry about you and YOU ARE SAFE. You will get through dinner and GO HOME. And that's it. That's all you have to do.
You WILL heal from this...and you WILL CONTINUE to see pdoc...healing is a YEARS LONG FOREVER thing...you won't sabotage it, and you won't lose him. And remember this, honey, he's guiding you...but the strength is COMING FROM INSIDE YOU.
I'll be on Y tonight if it lets me...If I can't get there, and you need to, no matter what, you call me. Whnever, whatever time it is.
You're right about the Topa...and the weight stuff...just promise you'll eat ONCE a day...I pigged today at lunch (or so I think...) and feel so fat and disgusting and gross right now...my stomach even hurts...didn't eat a whole plate even, but it feels like 50 plates of food. Yuck.
Anyway, not eating anything else today...can't even if I wanted to.
Edit these posts out...k? I'm stable right now with BP, but that doesn't mean all my other STUFF isn't still there...LMAO!
Remember...once I lose this weight, we are going on a cruise to the Carribean this year! So, be SAFE and keep that in your head tonight...WE are going to win this one, k? Not THEM.
oh baby...i knew that is what it was, but wasn't going to say anything so i wouldn't trigger you INTO it, ya know? i knew you would call pdoc and he would help...he is the best thing that's happened to you...i REALLY hope you were able to get some sleep last night...please check in and let me know.
ED TRIGS...
TRIGS
TRIGS
As for weight loss and topamax...my pdoc put me on it TO LOSE A BUNCH OF WEIGHT period. Yes, to stabilze me as well...which its done, with the 400 mgs of Lamictal...and the other herbal stuff. I finally FINALLY feel better. Anyway, he told me point blank, he wanted me to lose my "Lithium" weight and this would help me. It kicked in yesterday...I bought a Mountain Dew and almost threw up...UGH. It was so disgusting. I couldn't eat all day yesterday. FINALLY, about 1 a.m., I forced down something...but I had to...I was feeling a bit weak. This morning, again, the thought of food is disgusting. That is what Topamax does. But for those of us with EDs already, well, you know...I HAVE TO LOSE 50-60 (or more) pounds. I went and worked out with a co-worker last night...only did 25 minutes on the treamill/elliptical thing, but its a start. I want to tone up this time, while I'm losing the weight. I know I'm going to lose it again...this time, it will be for good.
I only got about 5 hours or less of sleep last night, but not cuz of anything bad...only cuz I was reading a book, nothing good, just a junk Stephen King kind of book...
I keep thinking, not because I want to, about the SA, and the other sh*t that has happened in my life...and I'm SOOO angry about it. I want to BE angry for a while. Does that make any sense? Is that any kind of phase?
Anyway, check in with me, please...I'm so happy for your pdoc...I could kiss him! LOL.
I love you, Bethie.
Keli
Edited 2/8/2006 5:19 pm ET by canyouhearmenow
okay...as for tonight...U CAN GET THROUGH THIS. Now, you have to put the THOUGHTS out of your head. They aren't real...they are thoughts...and for NOW, TODAY, TONIGHT, they aren't real...focus only on tonight...that very minute, and get through that only...then the next...and the next...then before long, you can get home. As for your niece, she IS safe. Your dad is ill...remember that. Your BROTHER is responsible for her, YOU ARE NOT. As hard as that is...I had to do the same thing with my nieces...I had to let them go...but that was after they were taken from me...it was different...you have to only worry about you and YOU ARE SAFE. You will get through dinner and GO HOME. And that's it. That's all you have to do.
You WILL heal from this...and you WILL CONTINUE to see pdoc...healing is a YEARS LONG FOREVER thing...you won't sabotage it, and you won't lose him. And remember this, honey, he's guiding you...but the strength is COMING FROM INSIDE YOU.
I'll be on Y tonight if it lets me...If I can't get there, and you need to, no matter what, you call me. Whnever, whatever time it is.
You're right about the Topa...and the weight stuff...just promise you'll eat ONCE a day...I pigged today at lunch (or so I think...) and feel so fat and disgusting and gross right now...my stomach even hurts...didn't eat a whole plate even, but it feels like 50 plates of food. Yuck.
Anyway, not eating anything else today...can't even if I wanted to.
Edit these posts out...k? I'm stable right now with BP, but that doesn't mean all my other STUFF isn't still there...LMAO!
Remember...once I lose this weight, we are going on a cruise to the Carribean this year! So, be SAFE and keep that in your head tonight...WE are going to win this one, k? Not THEM.
Love you.