In need of support.........

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
In need of support.........
4
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 12:00am
To start out....my best friend reemed me out today because she said everyone, including my family, are tired of hearing about me say Im depressed or flying high in a mania.....I know there are many of you out there that feel like there is nobody listening or let alone, understanding you!!!! Tonight, I am one of those people....I should be mad but how do you fight back when you are trying a new med that is really making you irritable and still waiting for it to kick-in....I have been fighting this bi-polar disorder for 15 years now and this is the first time someone ever said something like that to me. And...the bad part about it, is that Im starting to believe that maybe I am some kind of a burden because I get answers from my parents like "Ya,Ya,Ya..." & "Youre making this up in your head!!"
Im depressed now and hoping the new med will help or I have to go for ECT---and right now Im alittle skeptical about that choice of treatment......Help??????
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 8:20am

Oh honey...oh how many times I've heard this from people who SUPPOSEDLY loved and cared for me...

LISTEN TO ME right now...ITS NOT IN YOUR HEAD AND IT IS REAL. Those who can even say that to you do NOT have to live one minute in your shoes, and they have NO idea what its like to have one mood one minute and another the next minute. The 'highs' we have and the 'lows' we have aren't the NORMAL lows and highs that "normal" (and i use that word very lightly) experience. Ours go to the extremes of the pole. That is BIPOLAR. When we get low...we get VERY low...and vice versa.

I know you're hurt and upset...and its probably triggered you into an even lower low...yes, its possible.

We understand here...

Do you know that ALL of my friends now are Bipolar? They're the only ones who get it. My dh TRIES really hard, he truly does. But he still can NOT understand what I go through. The misery of cycling. How your brain can literally hurt from the cycling up and cycling down and cycling all over the place that you don't know what the hell is going on. I rapid cycle over and over again in the course of a day. My meds sometimes control it...sometimes not...mostly not. I try to help them. HA.

Okay, this isn't about me...sorry...I get off on tangents all the time.

I just wanted you to know that I understand COMPLETELY what you are going through. I've lost so many people who thought I was just 'out for attention' or was just too much to deal with. It hurts like nothing else hurts, because there isn't a darn thing you can do about it.

We care about you and we understand.

Love and a zillion hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2003
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 9:05am

(((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) You're certainly not alone, and there are people who understand you and what you're going through.


I've been going through this recently with my own dh (and his parents, to some extent). As I was telling him last night, I'm to the point in my own growth that I can look at him and say, "The more real I am as a person, the less I care if you like it." That may sound really weird, and it was counter-intuitive to discover it. But the more real I am and the more true I am to myself and what I'm feeling (moods, BP, and all) the more I take care of myself and the less I rely on others to tell me if what I'm feeling and thinking and going through is alright. I know it's okay because it's genuine. If it's not appropriate, I do my best to deal with it and make it appropriate, but I've also learned to accept my inappropriate moods. I guess I'm trying to say that it's a journey towards self-acceptance. (I don't want to sound trite, but that's the best way to put it.) Once you accept yourself, BP and mood swings and all, then it won't matter as much whether or not others accept you and your moods and BP. Like Keli said, they don't know what it's like in your shoes for even one day, let alone all the experiences you've had. Honestly, they can off. (I don't want to get caught by the censors.) Seriously, you aren't a possession that they have to "approve" of so they can keep it around. You are your own person, a human being who has every RIGHT to feel and think whatever you feel and think. If they can't understand that, then maybe you need to not talk to them or deal with them for awhile so you don't continue to endanger your own health. (That's what I'm doing with my in-laws and it is helping me emotionally to not continuously stress over their heinous behavior. I'm still upset, yes, because what they did was waaaaaay wrong. My dh and I recently were going to get divorced (we've since reconciled and never needed to file) but my in-laws told him to use my history of childhood abuse and BP as to why I shouldn't have our two kids. And they said that I'm no longer in the family and that my fil hates me. Ahhh.... In-laws... the closest thing to FAKE family you can get! How to get a guilt trip from somebody ELSE'S mother: get a mil.)


Okay. I'm done ranting and raving. (Not feeling good today, so I'm slightly crabby.) Sorry. I hope you feel better! We here understand you and look forward to helping you. (And we look forward to hearing about your good days, too!) :)

Take care!
~ Kristin (AKA Aislinn)
kristinmmyers@hotmail.com


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 10:55am

I don't have much more to add then op did...just wanted to say you are not alone and this is one of the best places to get support...we all know how it feels, we do not judge, and the women here are awesome.


I hope things settle down for you soon.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 12:37pm

Hopefully, your friend was just having a bad day and you happened to be the convenient target when she lashed out.