FF'ing by choice: how should BF advocates respond?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
FF'ing by choice: how should BF advocates respond?
21
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 7:39pm

I seen a lot of disclaimers from BF advocates included in Youtube videos or blog posts where they take pains to point out in addition to recognizing that some moms can't BF for various reasons they also realize that some moms simply don't want to BF and that they are OK with that. Now while I am accept every moms right to choose to FF solely by choice, I have a issue with the idea implying that if someone FF's for reason that I agree with that I am totally OK with that. While I won't harangue someone for FF'ing by choice or suggest they are bad mother, I don't feel comfortable implying that I am completely agree with their choice. As such, I would never say I something like "I realize not all mothers won't to BF and I am completely OK with that." as I feel that would misrepresent my position. They way I would say it would be more along the lines of "I realize that every mothers has the choice to FF for whatever reason and I respect your right to choose to FF purely by choice and I do not advocate taking that choice away even if I might not agree with every FF'ing mothers reason for choosing to FF.". In some instances, such as on a debate bard, I will make it clear when I disagree with a FF'ing mothers reason for choosing formula with the disclaimer that I accept her right to make that choice. In other instances, such as on support board or in many real-life situations outside of the internet., I will choose to refrain from expressing my disagreement on another mothers choice to FF. My question for all of you on this board who advocate and/or support BF'ing and BF'ing mothers is what do you do when it comes to other FF'rs whose reasons for FF'ing you disagree wit? Do you:

A. Either state that while you respect their right to FF by choice for any reason, you disagree that their reasons where good reasons to FF or not say anything at all, depending on the situation?

B. Either always state you "you accept that some moms don't want to BF and you're OK with that" even if that is not how your truly feel in a particular instance or say nothing at all depending on the situation.

C. Always state "you accept that some moms don't want to BF and you're perfectly OK with that" because you really do feel that any reason a moms wishes to FF by choice is a perfectly good reason.

D. Avoid ever saying anything for or against any mom's reason for FF'ing by choice or the idea of FF'ing purely by choice thus trying to avoid criticism from FF'ing defenders while not implying you agree with any or all reasons to FF by choice when you don't.

E. Some other position that does not fit in the above 4.

Please explain why you take the particular approach to this issue that you do?

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Community Leader
Registered: 10-01-2010

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2008
F. Smile, nod and change the subject. IRL it's not my business to tell someone that I disagree with their choice and why. If we're friends or even just casual acquaintances, they know I bf, xbf twins at that, my position is self evident. No reason to tell them that I think they made a poor choice.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006

So my position is that I may not agree with your choice, but I will defend your right to choose.

Nicely said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2010

F. I don't outright state or imply anything.

IRL I stay out of the discussion completely. As a PP said, nod and smile. It's not my business what someone else does, nor is it my place to make any kind of judgement on her or imply that I disagree with her. Why should anyone care if I agree or disagree with their choice? I make choices all the time that others may disagree with, and it doesn't make a difference to me. My stance on FF by choice is very general. I just want there to be enough information out there for women to make an educated decision about it. Whether the gal in the grocery store, or my sister-in-law, does this or not is not my direct concern.

Kevali


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006

IRL I would never criticize a woman's choice in infant feeding no matter what that choice was.

2010 Siggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Smile, nod and change the subject unless the person is willing to have a conversation about it. Even then I discuss facts only and not make a judgment on the other. Its none of my business. The other thing I often do is shoot down myths about BFing that may come up by presenting the facts instead (ie-BFing makes your breasts sag) or post articles and such on BFing. I think my own public behavior and choices presents my opinions and feelings on the topic well enough.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003

"The other thing I often do is shoot down myths about BFing that may come up by presenting the facts instead ..."

I like this.

Respecting another parents right to decide how to feed her/his child should NOT include endorsement of lies and myths.

At least a "you might want to do some research on that with reputable sources, everything I've seen says that's not accurate." Then offer some bean dip. (subject change)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2008

by sara photo sigbysara.jpg
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
Im curious why you only BF in public but not at home? Im also curious why you only FF at home but not in public?








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