Keli!
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Keli!
| Fri, 02-10-2006 - 9:45am |
What can I say, other then to remind you how PROUD I am to have you for a friend. You are SO smart, and this revelation you had today is only going to work with you. I know just how strong you are, and I KNOW you are going to start improving in leaps and bounds :)
Love you!
Tracey

Omg, girl...did i EVER have a revelation...and i have to really make some apologies. But, i'm not too proud to admit mistakes, or think i'm too good to change, or anything like that...I especially have to apologize to Eric. I REALLY have to. And I just have to bite the bullet and admit that I was completely wrong...and messed up. But I can do that.
So, if I get crazy again, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE remind me of all this again. I'm beggin you to! lol.
I can breathe again now. All that was like lead on my chest and I didn't even know it...amazing.
I feel terrible about Eric and Mike...even Mike asked me yesterday why I was so angry and mean all the time now...that isn't acceptable. Yes, discipline is one thing. But its been BAD. And its just not cool.
I'm so excited for you...I really am.
Love you
You know that I am always brutally honest with you, no matter what your mental state, so if you start to slip you KNOW I will remind you of this.
Still, you can't be TOO hard on yourself. Yes, you have things to work on, as do we all, but you have still done SO well in a lot of ways. I've pointed this out to you before. You got pregnant and married right out of high school, yet still managed to get a GOOD job. Through all your struggles - PTSD, Substance Abuse, BP, BPD, ED, etc etc etc - you have maintained yourself well enough to KEEP the same job for many years. You are financially supporting your entire family with just a little support from your husband. You take care of your ill mother a LOT of the time, and try to help your struggling brother.
It would have been very easy for you to say "I'm done" and had Jane hook you up with disability. She offered several times. You KNEW that you could keep going. You never NEVER NEVER gave up. Even when you were sick enough to go to the hospital over and over again, you didn't quit. THAT is the important thing.
Now you just have to find your path. It seems like you just got a great big lift over to it today which is fantastic :) I am very very proud of you :)
I am also looking at the clock and realizing that next week at this time I am going to be getting ready for the wedding. Very cool. I am not even remotely nervous or scared...just very excited to enter this new phase of my life. I did scare the heck out of Mike last night - out of the blue I told him I couldn't marry him. He was speechless. Then I explained that it was because I was having a heck of a time writing my "new name". He could have killed me It was funny.
Keep Memorial weekend open for my reception. You KNOW I want you there!!!!
TTYL!
Love ya!
T