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| Fri, 02-10-2006 - 7:06pm |
Hi everyone, my name is Sandra, I'm a 37 y.o. mother of two teenagers. I was just diagnosed with rapid-cycling bipolar disorder. I lost 25% of my body weight over the last 6 months, but ALL medical tests come up completely normal, so the doctors are attributing this to bipolar. I definitely have all of the symptoms, and I cycle back and forth very quickly, sometimes within a day. I cannot be placed on lithium or depakote or any of the typical drugs b/c my health is very poor due to the weight loss (I am down to 88 lbs), and they are concerned about my declining potassium levels. Tonight I will start Zyprexa and Remeron. During the day I can take Klonopin for panic attacks.
I used to post to the Trying to Conceive board. I have been in a relationship for several years with a man with whom I would like to have a child. We both have children from previous marriages, but hoped to share the experience together before we got too much older. Now, with this diagnosis, I am devastated. I don't see how i could ever safely conceive a child or be pregnant while being on psych meds, and if I don't take the meds, I'm completely a wreck.
Any insight, or similar experiences that any of you could share would be greatly appreciated. I don't have anyone to talk to about this because there is such a social stigma attached to it, and people just don't understand.
Thanks for reading, if you made it this far!
xoxo,
Sandra

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Hi Sandra,
Welcome to the BP board. I have dealt with rapid cycling before and sometimes in one day and I know it isn't fun. It took some time to get on the right cocktail of meds before the cycling slowed down. Remember this is the beginning so it may take a little time for your pdoc to adjust your meds in order to find ones that will help you. Sometimes it is the dosage and sometimes it is the med itself that needs to be changed. Always remember you are welcomed to come here anytime for support and you will find a lot of nice supportive people here. I don't know much about getting pregnant on meds or how the pdoc and OB/GYN will treat you. But I do wish you luck on that. It sounds like you did a great job raising your teens. As far as your dh is concerned, I would give him some time to adjust to your Dx's and with him being a MD he "should" understand in time. I am sorry your family isn't more supportive. Some people just can't understand unless it is happening to them. Even if a preson has Bp or another mentel illness they sometimes are in denial. The main important thing is you take care of Sandra and get yourself healthy again emotionally and physically. You hang in there and I will see you later on the board.
Tina~
Hi Sandra, and welcome!
I too suffer from ultra rapid cycling BP I. Just means I cycle over and over AND OVER, and yes, sometimes, many times in a day...you'll see what I mean from my posts! Nobody here seems to mind, though! This board has been my literal life saver, so I hope you'll continue to post. Zyprexa will help you gain weight...and that, in turn, will help you gain some stability. YOU MUST be more stable before you can get pg...but i think you know that already. Sorry, the meds I'm on right now (Topamax and Lamictal) make my memory toast), so if you already said that, forgive me.
I go many times thinking how much I'd love to just stop my meds...but OMG, i'm a mess without them...and a mess on them...lol...but a bigger mess off them...just try to hang in there and let the Zyprexa work. I'm sending many prayers and strength your way!
DHs try so hard to understand, but they just can't. Not many people can. We do though. So I hope you'll keep posting.
BTW: I'm 35 and have a 15 year old ds and I would really like to send him far away some days...this past weekend for sure. I don't know how you do it with TWO!
Love and Hugs,
Keli
Hi and Welcome !!
You got some great responses.
God could not be everywhere, so
Hi, Sandra, and welcome! You've gotten some great responses so far! Aren't the ladies here awesome?? :) (Beware: This post is LONG.)
I'm BP2 and also ultra-rapid cycling (usually 2-3, sometimes 4 cycles each and EVERY day). It's really exhausting, so I try to sleep as much as I can when I'm not hypomanic. But, I have two young children. Aryc is 2 1/2 and Nate is 5 months. (I'm only 24, but I've been BP since I was about 5, literally.) I had to stop my meds completely while I was pregnant. It was really rough. My doc was pretty conservative, but now the general medical community is finding out some pretty disturbing things about the effects of ADs on babies. It just pays to be safe because you can't go back and fix it should the meds cause the baby problems. (At least, in most cases.) I'm sorry your weight is such an issue. Mine is, too, but on the opposite end of the spectrum. (I'd say "trade you" but neither side is pleasant or where we want to be.) In order to even think of safely carrying a baby to term, you will have to work on gaining weight, keeping it steady, and getting stable emotionally (because of the BP). The sucky thing is that you get stable, it's going great, and then you start TTC and you have to stop the drugs. :(( Grrr. As I was just reading about these meds, the mood stabilizers/anti-psychotics, etc, can do some real damage with birth defects, so you need to stop them at the time you start TTC. By the time you know you're preg, it's often too late to stop them because the main organs are already starting to form and the damage could be done. I'm sorry I'm not painting a promising picture, but honesty and safety is better than false hopes. I don't know how you did with your other two. Sometimes BP crops up a little bit later. Where you definitely BP when you were preg with them and when they were little? (Just because you get Dx'ed later doesn't mean it didn't exist before.) From my personal experience, having a new little one, or being preg with those hormones and a stressful marriage/partnership, plus my uncontrolled BP is he*l. (stupid censors!) Seriously, not something I'd wish on ANYONE. It was very difficult to bond with the child, very difficult to have enough patience to deal with being up at night and the crying during the day. It almost ripped my marriage apart. I've almost killed my oldest son several times, simply out of overwhelming frustration. I've used more than my allottment of will to get DH to take him when I just wanted to throw him across the room. I'm a better mother now, but ONLY ONLY ONLY because of the meds. My oldest was colicky (for 4 months, screaming 3-4 hours at a time), had a weak stomach and projectile vomited up everything we tried to give him, had his days and nights mixed up but we couldn't fix it because of the colic. It was a nightmare! I think I had divine intervention to get me through that time. Anyway... Yes, babies bring joy and love and light into your life, but not always at first...not with the hormones and the unchecked BP that can go through your body, and the crying and sleepless nights. (If you have the baby and get back on meds that can knock you out, how are you going to take care of the baby at night, especially if DH is at work or HAS to sleep?)
This is nagging at me... If DH is acting this way towards you and this aspect of your health, are sure bringing more pressure and responsibility into an already busy, stressful house is a good idea right now? I'm sorry if I'm butting in where it's none of my business. It's just really nagging me into saying something. I thought the same thing with my marriage and so we had my oldest son. It did the opposite. I thought it would heal things and we'd really be a family and we'd have a reason to work harder to make things better. But we were too tired and depressed and (both of us) hormonal to do anything but bite each other's heads off and go off the deep end emotionally.
Okay. Long enough. I'm really sorry this wasn't more encouraging. Please keep talking to your pdoc/tdoc and ob/gyn to coordinate care and determine the best course of action for not only the potential baby, but also YOU. If you can't be a healthy mother, it's very difficult to have a healthy baby. And YOU are first priority! If you can't conceive (due to meds, etc),
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