I poured my heart out in a letter to dh
Find a Conversation
I poured my heart out in a letter to dh
| Tue, 02-14-2006 - 8:12am |
last night. He drank and played on the internet. I got absolutely NO response. I am even more hurt then I was before and I did not think that was even possible. He was in a better mood last night, but still did not kiss me good night or before he left on his 24 hour shift today. I won't see or talk to him until tommorrow night, most likely. This sucks. Gonna go cry.
Missy


Missy,
Please don't let him cause you to have a really bad episode...to be very blunt and honest with you, he is being a real A$$ and you don't deserve that...you've done nothing wrong. NOTHING WRONG. Hear me when I say that. I know you are blaming yourself and its something we ALL do, because WE are the ones with the BP. But its not US...if you were out partying, drugging, spending all his money, in an uncontrolled, unmedicated mania that you REFUSED to get help for, sure. But you're not. He's being a jerk, and frankly, he's doing it on purpose.
I'm sorry honey. You don't deserve to be hurt like this. It might be time to look at your options. You are young, beautiful and DESERVING.
Let's support each other...because we can do ANYTHING. You know that, right?
I'll be okay...I just have to get those feelings out...and this is the only safe place that I have...if I tell anyone else, they will freak out.
I'm here for you, as is everyone else here.
Let us help. Cry as much as you want and need to...but don't let him bring you down to a place you can't get up. We'll come kick his butt for you, the punk jerk mother you know what.
Love you!
Keli
ok....he is being a real jacka$$....and if this is all just b/c he's annoyed by things you do...this is his problem.
God could not be everywhere, so
Thanks you guys.
I feel like such a loser. I have like 1 real life friend. I don't have a job nor any real marketable skills. I just don't know what I am going to do. He has always been moody but it has gotten so bad lately and it is always directed at me and frankly I am tired of it. I have stood by him through some crap a couple years ago that was hard on our marriage that he caused entirely then when I was having health issues and they were testing me for Lupus and MS he was not real supportive. Can he take the kids because of my bp status? He insists he would not, but has "joked" about it in the past. It scares me to death.
Thanks for all the support. I am trying really hard not to fall too far. As bad as it sounds, I am trying to get angry, to keep from falling.
Missy
NO HE CAN'T TAKE YOUR KIDS !!!
he has to prove you unfit...and that is not going to happen.
God could not be everywhere, so
Missy...
I went through this same thing four years or so ago...maybe closer to 5 now...another woman was involved, and to make it just a LITTLE more heart breaking, it was my best friend. The only thing that saved me...was GETTING FREAKING ANGRY! I did, get angry...with every freaking ounce of my being. Not that I wasn't hurt...and not that I didn't hurt every single day...but getting angry was JUSTIFIED and helped in some sick way.
You have to ENSURE that you do NOT fall into the black hole. Your dh would have to PROVE without DOUBT that you are an unfit mother before he could take your kids. That was my greatest fear as well, and it WAS threatened to me more than once during that period. IT CANNOT HAPPEN just because you are BP. I didn't happen, by the way, because it wouldn't and couldn't have been proven, BP or not. If you have no job, and things are unbearable for you, LEAVE and he will support you and the kids, whether he likes it or not. He's done this, he's the one who is miserable apparently. Let him lie there in his misery. Either find your own life WITH him and let him BE miserable by himself, or go. Either way, you win. I've done both, and the best choice I've ever made is going, finding my own way and my own life. In doing so, I've found my own strength and it was the happiest I've ever been...even happier than I am now with him again. And he's good to me now.
You can't let yourself get majorly depressed over this...not at this point. I know its easier said than done, when I'm on the damn brink 24/7 myself. If you want to talk, I can email you my number.
Love you.
Hi Missy,
I don't know you or about your dh, but I can say what I have read that he is a real jerk. I know what it is like to open up and lay your true feelings out to only have them ignored. It can make us feel unvaluable. But you are valuable. You are not
<<>>
Who cares? There's a whole community here that cares very much about you. Just because you've never seen our faces doesnt mean we can't help as much as someone IRL!!! LOL.
<<>> You don't have a job??? Don't tell me, let me guess. You're in your 30s or 40s, where we grew up believing we could have it all, and staying home raising kids wasn't "enough" for us. Brainwashing. Let me tell you, honey, I have a "job." It actually rises to the level of a "profession." And its no where near as difficult or demanding or challenging as raising my kids. In fact, I consider the time I spend practicing law as "me" time because if I had to stay with my kids and be a mom 100% of the time, I'd be crazier than I was.
If your H doesn't want to communicate, so be it. You cant force him. I'm sorry for his negative response to your letter but hang on to the fact that you did what you could. He's the only one who can control his own actions, reactions and feelings. Obviously you can't control them (but wouldn't it be awesome if we could!!!!)
Keep on doing the right things. Maybe you need to make some decisions going forward as to whether this marriage is helping you at all. And when I say "helping" you I mean enriching your life as opposed to ruining it.
Best to you! Love, Mo.
Missy,
Maybe dh is trying to process what you wrote and needs time. Hate that he could not kiss you good nite or when he left for his shift. Maybe you need to go out and do something for yourself this Valentines Day. It might make you fell better. You dont have to spend money just go and do something that you enjoy. I hope that you get to feeling better soon!! Good luck and hang in there...
cyndi
Cyndi