Missy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Missy
11
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 9:06am

Just wanted to see how you are doing today....and to say sorry.

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Avatar for missyflanders
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_igemini53182
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 11:37am

I will not accept your apology because it is not needed. You were just being a friend, which I greatly need right now.

He is not home and won't be until tommorrow night. He did call last night and claim that it was me that refused therapy which is crap. Claimed the meds for bp make me like a zombie and that I should not need a nap each day (I am still anemic from celiac). Also told me that I have no control over the kids, which sometimes is partially true. Then he called this morning just to see how I was doing and acting fine because I said I would work on some of these things. Now I am not sure I will, LOL. I can't go off my meds. I can't instantly become non-tired. I get everything done around the house still and still take care of the kids. I only nap on the days he is home, when he is playing on the internet, so I don't see why this is a big deal, but whatever.

I asked him to set up the appointment with a new therapist(neither of us liked the one we went to before), he said it would take some time for him to adjust to me agreeing to go. WTF does that mean?

As you can tell, today I am angry. I understand his points and will make an effort for the sake of our marriage but there is only so much I can do.

Missy

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
In reply to: cl_igemini53182
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 11:45am

well...I'm glad he's thinking of seeing another therapist...and it doesn't take that long.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: cl_igemini53182
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 11:48am

Honey...i am not going to say anything right now, because i am really angry at what he "explained" to you...unless you REALLY want to hear it...just know I love you and I respect you a great deal.

Keli

Avatar for missyflanders
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_igemini53182
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 11:58am

The kids are 2, 4 and 11. The 11 yo does help with the chores, but the other two pretty much just make messes, lol.

Keli - Tell me how you feel. No need to hold back. I need all the feedback I can get. It helps me, really.

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
In reply to: cl_igemini53182
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 12:08pm

well, tell him to be darn happy that 11 year old does anything b/c mine doesn't unless she gets something out of it !!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: cl_igemini53182
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 12:15pm

Missy - I hope

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: cl_igemini53182
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 12:15pm

Okay...first of all...SO YOU ARE TIRED!!! You are freaking ill...not only from BP...you have other things going on with you too...You're going to be tired, period. Whether or not he likes it...the idiot. So you need naps...SO DO I. So does half the freaking population of the world. You take care of the house, three young children, take classes when you can...my god, what does he expect? Oh, what, he's King of the freaking Hill? He has no right to complain about your meds making you a zombie...guess what...either get used to it, because you're right...YOU ARE NOT GOING OFF YOUR MEDS BECAUSE OF A MAN...period. Husband or no husband. He will get used to it, or not. And that's it and that's all. I get SO sick of people, not just him, he just is getting the brunt of it...but people thinking that we have a CHOICE. We have no choice here...we didn't ASK for any of this. If we freaking had a choice, we would JUST SAY NO THANKS, I DON'T THINK I WANT TO HAVE THIS ANYMORE. We maintain the very best we know how. And we get no credit. I come to work, bust my butt...do I get any credit? No. Will I ever? No. Do I get talked about? Yes. Will that ever stop? No. Can I change it? No. Does it bother me? Yes. Should I let it cost me any stability I can achieve? No.

But we do. We allow everyone around us to trigger us into depression...mostly into depression...and that's what he's trying to do...because you're immobile when you're depressed. He has complete control when you're depressed. Apparently he's into control, not that he will ever admit it.

You can only work with someone so much before you start bowing down to them. Yes, honey, you can work on your issues...but what you can possibly change? BP meds make you tired...your Celiac makes you tired...your anemia makes you tired. YOU NEED REST. He can go fly a damn kite if he doesn't like that...you are first priority...most importantly to yourself, and those kids. He comes last.

I can say these words and see myself in them...don't think my life is any better. Its not. I am lucky that my dh is different in that he takes complete care of me mentally, emotionally, and physically...but not financially. That's up to me. So, you see...we all have crosses to bear. I couldn't live without my dh though...I know exactly how you feel...but I've btdt too many times...changing myself for a man...and it breaks my heart to see ONE MORE MAN try to change another woman for his own good.

Get the therapist, asap...stand up for yourself in therapy...you tell him you WILL NOT, CAN NOT change everything about who you are and what you makes you who you are...and then let's pray with all our hearts he will hear you and realize the wife he has now is the only one he needs.

You're beautiful and special and so what if he's an idiot right now. Don't let him get you down. Just maintain until he figures out that he's being a punk.

Love you

Avatar for missyflanders
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_igemini53182
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 12:37pm
We could do dinner on Friday night, if I can find a sitter. Talk to you soon.
 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
In reply to: cl_igemini53182
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 1:48pm

tell your dh to stay home !!


if i lived closer, i would in a heartbeat

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Avatar for missyflanders
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_igemini53182
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 5:04pm

Don't worry, he won't be joining us. He is working Friday and Saturday. LMAO. Want to join us, she lives in Crystal Lake?

Missy

 
 

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