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| Fri, 02-17-2006 - 9:13am |
i am really truly crazy...u guys aren't...its just me...i'm so nuts...my brain isn't like yours...my brain will NOT stop and i can't explain it to ANYONE. i wish i could...i wish someone knew...i wish someone knew what i meant...i have sucha hard time explaining what i mean...i can't get it out...all i know is that i DON"T KNOW...i am cycling in MINUTES right now...literally minutes...i'm dizzy from it...i am up, wanting to go outside and be happy with my family...then i crash and want to sleep and then THEY will be happy, cuz I KNOW i'm going to f it all up for them, like I always do...then i cry...then a little while later, i'm okay again, HAHAHAHAHAHA, well not okay...never okay...but my kind of okay...which sucks...but then it goes around again...
how do you explain that in terms that anyone could understnad that won't make them rush you to the damn psych ward and put you in a straitjacket?
i'm too manic...i'm waaay too manic right now...gonna do something stupid...i know it...and i don't want to...i don't want to mess things up for anyone...but i KNOW i'm going to...i don't want to though...
can anyone hear me??? if they knew here at work, how i was...omg. they already hate me...they alrady talk about me...
what am i even talkbing about? ugh...jsut never mind me...please. i am just rambling on about bull crap here...i'll be okay.

Let's both take a deep breath! I know exactly how you feel!
Jodie
I wish I could do something for you both.
I really can't say I know how you feel, I don't.
God could not be everywhere, so
cycled back down...deep breaths...feeling a bit better...will take ativan in a little while...boss said okay for a half day and to have fun...lol.
i'm fine. sorry for the freak out.
love u
Keli,
I am sorry that you are going through a hard time today. Have the pdocs tried to change your meds lately? From reading your posts it does not sound like they have you on the right meds or the right dose. Then again maybe the do have you on the right ones and they have not had time to get into your system good yet. Just a thought. I hope that things calm down for you today. Take care and be safe.
cyndi
Cyndi
your brain is like the gear/chain on a bike when you are going down a hill...it just starts going and going and you try to slow down and the pedals dont do anything and then all of a sudden the bike stops and you fall off...thats how I explained it to DH yesterday. Sound about right? Dont think that you are alone and the only one who can understand...cuz uhhh yeah, im right there with you.
I am so freaking nuts its ridiculous. Last night I was hiding under the covers because I thought if I lay there long enough I would disappear and everyone would forget about me, and I kept getting mad because I heard the clock and it made me know that I didnt disappear, then it went away and I was happy and then it felt like someone was strangling me, but I could still breathe...I didnt really understand how that was possible, and I have been thinking some of the weirdest stuff...wayyyy too weird to talk about. I stopped eating and I dont know why, I didnt eat for a whole day, and I just didnt get hungry, I am out of meds and feel like I am really losing it, hahah for about five minutes I thought I was stable today, then I was trying to keep msyelf from running out into traffic, just because I wanted to see if I could beat the cars...so yeah, you arent alone.
I hope your weekend is better
Love you
Rebekah