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| Mon, 02-20-2006 - 9:50am |
i'm really bad off....
faxed a note to pdoc
trying to stay out of i/p...dunno.
i'm getting psychotic...can't really tell the diff btween dreams and reality right now...having horrible dreams when i'm a wake...haven't done anything...but its getting bad
was at my parents...my ds went...i was bad all wknd...was so mean to them...told my ds i wanted to kill myself...how could i do that to him...yelled and screamed at both of them...said f you to my son...
depression bad...most depressed i've ever been...can't remember...can't focus when driving...missing all my turns...don't know whree i'm ending up...got to work late this morning...trying not to cry...i hate life...for real. pdocs won't help me. don't know how to put on the work face...
cell phone off...house phone will be off today...dunno how anyone can get in touch wiht me.
wanna cut so bad..wanna do something, but on't even have enough focus for it...
scared to talk to pdoc...don't wanna go i/p...

oh God honey, do you have any ativan with you? try to go home, take something and sleep, its all you can do I think right now. Your family loves you, your son loves you, regardless of what you said or did, when you are better apologize to him.
He knows you are bp, he may not understand totally but one day he will. I grew up just like him and yanno what, I still love my mom, even though she makes me mad as hell and sometimes it hurts to think about things she said, it doesnt mean I dont love her and wont always love her. But the things she said that hurt me, were really bad, not just f you. When she said that and I just blew her off, hes old enough not to sweat that mess.
Make sure you tell pdoc you dont want to go i/p, that you need something else to help you right now, even if it is to go sit in his waiting room all day for someone to watch you, anything. Is DH home? He can help you, you know that.
You WILL get through this, and you WILL be ok. Hell you may be ok in 10 minutes.
I love you
Rebekah
Keli, I can't believe you even made it to work. You really need to pressure your pdoc to do something for you, besides i/p. But if i/p is what you need, then it is what you need. Keep in mind this will pass. I know it is hard going throuh it right now. You need to call your pdoc back and insist they help you. Call him now. Let me know what happens. I love you.
Tina
Keli
I'm not sure there's much more then to go i/p....this is the worst I've ever seen you.
God could not be everywhere, so
Keli,
If you haven't already heard from your pdoc CALL HIM!