(((KELI)))
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(((KELI)))
| Mon, 02-20-2006 - 11:20am |
I'm glad you answered when I called. I was very scared you wouldn't. I know what I called to tell you was NOT what you want to hear...but it is all true. You KNOW what you need and what you need to do. I know how hard it is, but can it be any harder then living the way you are now?
I am VERY VERY worried about you.
Please let me know what pdocs say and what is going on.
Love you!!!
Tracey

Okay, the office must be closed for President's Day. I am doing a bit better, stronger, and please dont be disappointed in me, but I just can't face I/P right now. I'm going to go home, take some Seroquel (only 25 mg) and get some rest. I'm going to talk to the NEW pdoc tomorrow, start some Lithium again like he said he would, and go from there.
I have to stay away from my parents again, whether or not they are giving me money right now. They are making me crazy. My dad is doing his thing, having fun...while i am taking care of my mom...which is normally, okay, but not right now...its been every weekend, since Christmas or BEFORE. I just can't do it.
I will be honest with Eric when I get home today and tell him how bad I've been/am. He will watch me, and take care of me. I will get stronger and stabilize. I'm not better, just stronger, and I'm not confused like I was this morning. I cannot face I/P though. Its the same thing as the last 4 times, and I can't do it. I'll just be firm with my new pdoc and not Jane...and get it together.
No matter what, I'm starting Lithium tonight, at the dose he said last time...
I also have to find another therapist. I'll work on that tomorrow.
I'm sorry...I just can't do the hospital thing. However, if I do get worse, I promise you that I will go...I will tell Eric to just take me himself if it gets worse.
I love you.
p.s. see my post under tina's life and stability post...thought you'd get a kick out of it...lol.
:)
Hey you - how're you doing? I am NOT disappointed in you - I never could be, unless you did some serious damage to yourself. Then I would be very sad, disappointed, and hurt. So don't do that.
I know how you feel about I/P. I know how you are cycling like crazy, and I know the guilt you put yourself through. I have to say that I was VERY proud of your post - even as bad as you have it right now, you KNOW what you need to do. And the fact that you are acknowledging you need to find a therapist says a LOT. I think once you have gone through with the therapy and dealt with your issues, you will improve VASTLY. I wouldn't be surprised if the BPD went away with the PTSD.
No matter WHAT your situation, I am ALWAYS here for you and am always proud of you. You have been a great friend since we met, and no matter how bad things have been for you, you keep going. You are so much stronger then you even know.
I love you :)
Tracey
Keli,
I hope you are feeling stronger and more grounded today. I don't know if you had to go i/p or not but I hope you are feeling better. I know bp is so hard for you, not that it isn't for us all but you are one who has it rough because your body won't allow the meds to work the way they should. I feel so helpless to help you. I don't know what to say because we drifted apart some and I don't really know you like some of the others on the board, hopefully we can change that. You have always been there for me when I was unstable and suicidal. I wish I could be of more help for you. IF EVER you need me you let me know. I am going to e-mail you my phone number. I am sending it to your work e-mail. I don't know if you have a e-mail addy for personal use anymore. I am praying for you. I know this crap gets the best of you but you keep strong and kick it's a$$. I wish you didn't have to always have it so hard. You deserve so much more.
Love you- Tina