To all of you...
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| Tue, 02-21-2006 - 8:03am |
I love each and every one of you...I truly do. You all keep me going when I feel like not going anymore. I thank you all for your support yesterday. It helped. I feel like I have people who really care whether or not I am here on this earth or not. Like I matter to someone other than my family. That means something, right?
I feel better today. Up cycle? Probably. But at least its better. Its not TOO up, so that's also better.
My pdoc called back at 5:30. She'll call again this morning. I guess she realizes that its just rapid cycling.
I did increase my Topamax to 400 from 350 and it seemed to help...I'll mention that. I would like to add 300 mg of Lithium like the new pdoc wanted 6 weeks ago...I think that will also help a lot. We'll see. Topamax is VERY good at controlling rapid cycling...Ultradian cycling??? Guess we'll see.
Its very frustrating. I did cycle back down again last night. I felt it very literally. But I managed to control it. Don't ask me how. My dh helps. He truly helps.
I figured out a big part of it is that I was VERY stressed out...with my parents again. I need a break from them. I hate to say that...but its true. I'm also finding a new therapist, or making an appt with the one I had before...I need to take it slower with her...she was moving too quickly for me. I wasn't ready for the EMDR. I don't know if she will take it slower, but I think I will call her. What do you think?
Anyway, thank you again for your support and friendship.

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yeah...much more to my manic stories too...way too much to get into...god...i wonder, REALLY wonder how i'm still alive to this day...
Keli,
I know what you mean about a therapist that goes too fast. My tdoc did the same thing and was also doing the EMDR. If you felt comfortable with that tdoc, I would go back to her/him and and tell them that you want to go slower this time. Good Luck and take care.
cyndi
Cyndi
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