OMG, I am way too manic again

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
OMG, I am way too manic again
2
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 8:21am

I can't be still again...I can't breathe...I feel dizzy...I feel, OMG I hate this...I want to scream and cry and I hate this...I think I need to go back home and knock myself out with some Seroquel...can't call pdoc and wait for her to call me back...dunno if I can sit here long enough...omg omg omg...

k, gonna go take an Ativan, and smoke a cigg and see if that helps...

I wanna cry becuz I hate this so much...dammit...dammit...dammit...

i feel so crazy...i do...its just nuts to cycle this quickly...it IS...

i cannot go back to the hospital...i can't and i won't...i don't care...i just won't...that sucks so bad...

gonna call pdoc right now...just need her to talk to me...cuz i am losing it...but i don't want her to section me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 8:44am

called pdoc...told the answering machine it was emergency...i still can't breathe...took ativan...i need to be off work...don't want my boss to know i'm this bad though...but i am...i am so scared...i don't like this at all...this is the bad bad bad bad manic...the really dark one...the one that i can't handle...if i had seroquel now, i would take it, but its at home...i need to be at home...i need to go home...i want to talk to my pdoc right now, but even then, my sutpid office mate will hear everything i say and that is bad cuz she will tell everyone how nuts i am...this isn't fair...

how can i calm down???? how can i cycle back out of this??? i'm trying to just wait it out...i know i'll cycle back out...but how long...how do i wait it out while at work? i just need some time off to wait the topamax increase out...and the lithium to kick in...pdoc will sign me off work for the rest of the week...but i need to talk to her...i know i'm talking faast and repeating myself, but i have to or i'm going to lose it...i'm already crying sitting her and peole are walking by but i cannot help it...i want my dh, i want you guys...i hate this so freaking much...

is anyone there? i wish we could see each other...and not just type...i have nobody here that understands what i feel right now..if i told them all, they would SO lock me up...and i'm not crazy...this is not in my head...its all physical...it sucks...my friend sara here at work knows...i've talked to her, but she's a secretary in an open area, and i can't really go out there like this...

i wish my pdoc would call me...maybe i can give her another number to call me at, where i can talk privately???

k, i'm taking deeper breathes...maybe i can calm down some...i still can't be at work like this...i've already gotten my stuff done...so i can be out...

i just want to sleep so i don't feel this anymore...

sorry to post again...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 9:08am

I hope pdoc calls you soon...I wish there was something I could do or say....I'm so sorry.


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