Questioning myself...
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| Sat, 03-04-2006 - 9:06pm |
I just wanted to ask a quick question if it's OK. I realized I've been acting (and feeling) very self-centered lately, thinking probably too much of myself...though I still have been feeling so good and energetic that unfortunately I can't get myself to be as upset about it as I would like.
I just feel like I can do anything, and without too much effort...like everything goes perfectly smoothly, and nothing can go wrong...like I am just a blessed person, awful as that sounds to say out loud.
But I don't like the thought that this is who I am...and I don't remember feeling like this at all for most of my life (especially when depressed and thinking I'm worthless). Is it possible that some of this is due to my good mood, or should I try to accept that I have this major personality flaw and do my best to improve it?
Though of course I am going to try at least to act calmer and more restrained now...I realized something was a little odd when yesterday, a guy in my class I hardly know told me, kind of jokingly, to "stop flirting with me and get back to work!". When usually I am very much a non-sexual person, very quiet and pretty low-energy.
Thanks for listening...I apologize if I have come across this way here.
(On the up side, I spent most of the day cleaning my bedroom out from under literally years of piles and dust bunnies and other unsanitary things...and my car is now clean too...now it's on to laundry...)
Rose
Edited 3/4/2006 11:06 pm ET by rosa444

Thanks for the reply...this is a recent change for me...I found a post of mine as recently as January when I was talking about how bad things were. And this is unusual for me, too...I haven't been quite like this for several years, I don't think.
I did see my psychiatrist this past Monday to check in (since I've gone off all my meds), and told her that this is the best I've felt in years, that I felt great...and she was glad, but didn't make an issue of it...but I think I'd just started feeling better then.
And I am in therapy...I saw my therapist a little while back, and told her that my mood was good...she said she'd never heard me say that before! (I've only been seeing her since the start of this year). I will see her again later this week...though we do usually talk more about longer-term issues than about my mood, if it's not too awful (many times I've seen her in the past, I've cried throughout the session, though, so I guess my mood was obvious!).
But I don't have a diagnosis of bipolar, so I guess as long as my depression continues to be this "under control," I'm good to go...? I did just get upset at my parents today (for intruding into my life too much, when I guess they really weren't doing too much wrong), so I guess I do need to make sure to keep my energy in check...
THanks again for your post,
Rose
Edit: Anyone happen to have hints on how to calm down to get to sleep? I ran out of Ambien a little while ago, and I hesitate to ask my pdoc for yet another refill...last night I ended up taking two Dramamine, some valerian root, plus some alcohol in hopes of being able to sleep (not healthy, I know)...but it didn't help much.
Second edit: ok, I can't seem to get off the computer! I realized people are generally too nice to call someone self-centered or full of themself...but I feel like I need to know honestly, am I a narcissist? If so, I will do my best to shut my mouth and keep to myself until I can figure out how to be a better person...
Edited 3/5/2006 10:00 pm ET by rosa444
Edited 3/6/2006 12:45 am ET by rosa444
Hey Rosa! I remember your post from last week about the weight loss and high energy/happiness. That, together with this post, does suggest some mania in your life. Manic episodes especially involved the type of "flirting" your classmate mentioned. Why not check this out with your pdoc or therapist? I know you said you've never been dx'ed with BP, but then I wonder why you're posting here? Sorry, honey, but you sound manic to me. Just my .02.
Love, Mo.