My family is making me crazy...!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
My family is making me crazy...!!!
7
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 11:41am

okay...

so my mom calls...just now...and asks how i am...should have known something was up...she only calls me at night now...anyway...so i say, well, okay...about the same...cuz i don't even wanna talk to her right now...dammit...she chitchats for a minute...then says, u wanna talk to ur dad? i said, okay...so he gets on the phone and i can immediately tell he's pissed...but he tries to act like he isn't...so i say what time do u work today...he says oh, today i work an overnight...yeah right...so then anyway, my mom gets back on the phone and asks me if i'm going to come spend the night with her tonight...an hour and a half away and i have to be here at 7 in the morning, not to mention take my kid to school...and i said, no, i'm not...i'll see you this weekend...so then she says, okay, well, i'll talk to you tonight...and i can tell she is crying...then she hangs up...FOR GOD'S SAKE! My freaking dad and working a freaking OVERNIGHT in HOME DEPOT????? Oh he does this about every 2 weeks...and this is beside the fact that the weekends that I DO go up there, he goes "hunting" overnight. My mom may let it go, but she isn't stupid, and I for damn sure am not stupid...

This is not my life...and not my problem...but it IS.

Does anyone see why I feel the need to run the f**k away??? I deal with that on one side...then my dh and my ds on the other...no friends, no fun, no nothing...just that and that...and work in between.

I cannot freaking do it.

So now I feel like crap because my mother is going to be alone all night tonight, and that is one of her biggest fears cuz she can't see...and I could easily go up there...I'd just have to get up at like 4 in the damn morning to come home...and I'm already freaking a mess, and god dang it I am so freaking pissed right now...I hate my family in so many ways...but I am SO bound to them. I am so trapped and it sucks...not only do I have this stupid freaking BP, but I have the most dysfunctional family that I know.

I do not know what to do, which way to turn as it is...this is all making me crazy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 12:04pm

Honey,


You cannot let them keep doing this to you--you need to put your foot down and tell them you CAN'T do this now--you need to concentrate on getting yourself stable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2005
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 12:05pm

Ok,
In my opinion, your mom HAS to get used to her vision and the more you keep doing crap for her, the longer it will take her to do that. I cant see worth a crap...but I take the fn bus by myself and cross a busy 6 lane street alone EVERYDAY. I used to do the same stuff with 2 babies less than 2 yrs old till they were 4 & 5. So she can stay alone by herself. She wont realize she will make it and wont stop being afraid until someone forces her to do things she is scared of. I am scared to death of crossing that fn street, but each time I do it, it gets easier and less scary. So dont feel bad that you cant help her everytime she asks you. She can do it. There are totally blind people who live completely alone with only a seeing eye dog or sometimes not even that, and they work and do all sorts of crap...so she can make it, yall just gotta stop doing it for her.

Tell her you love her and you will help her on the weekends but she is going to have to learn to be somewhat independent, and that you cant drop everything and take care of her, you have a life and a family and problems of your own.

But thats just my 2 cents. Im sorry you are not much better, did you see pdoc again yet?

Love you
Rebekah

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 12:22pm

You're both right...thanks.

Saw pdoc this morning, but not tdoc yet...pdoc told me this morning that I HAVE TO GET INTO THERAPY ASAP OR I WILL NEVER EVER EVER GET ANY BETTER, PERIOD! and she is so right...i have so many issues, mainly stemming from my past...abuse, etc...i have NO boundaries, with anyone...not work, family, home...nothing. i have a call into my new tdoc now...

My mom will be okay tonight. She's getting more used to being away from home, from her program and they actually are trying to get her to start getting used to the idea of learning braille and having her at least start with Books on CD. She has to be FORCED into things. She's very stubborn and will let you do everything for her, so you're right in that she has to do things for herself. Except COOKING. She almost burned down the house the other day trying to cook for herself. She probably could be TRAINED to do it again, but not right now. She can only see very vague shapes in front of her...and she has a very hard time accepting it too...that's hard to hear her over and over say "i can't see"...I'm sure you know how that is too...

It just all caught me off gaurd at the wrong time...I couldn't deal. I do have to learn how to set boundaries with all of them...dh and ds too. Gotta learn that one...

I am starting to feel better, though, if I can learn to not let things affect me like that...I just dont' know how to do that...

Pdoc gave me some Provigil to pull me up out of the depression some...it will help too once I start a/f...am right smack dab in the WORST of PMS. So I am getting better...its just very hard to remember that when you feel horribly depressed, ya know?

Gained some weight back...but I did a bit of PMS bingeing this weekend...I'll try to make it up again, lol.

Did you ever get my email with my cell number????

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2005
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 12:37pm

Ok...I got your cell number. I NEVER EVER EVER use that email account. LOL I need to change it in my profile as soon as I figure out how. I left you a voicemail so you would know I got the email. I wanted ot make sure I had the right number. Anyways, I will call you tonight after 9 so we can talk. I am going to try to get into therapy ASAP. I am so messed up and it wont ever get any better either unless I go. This fn Geodon sucks balls. I had the worst reaction over the weekend. My pdoc didnt tell me not to take pseudoephedrine with it, so I took a 24 hr allergy sinus pill and was all messed up for the whole weekend. I probably should have gone to the ER, but I have to pay for that crap with Medicare and I am broke as a joke. I am depressed too lately and I think its the meds bc nothing is going bad really. You will be okay, what about lowering your lithium...what did pdoc say about that?

Love you
Rebekah

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 1:11pm

I can't lower Lithium any lower than 900 mgs cuz it won't do crap then...this is as low as I can go for it to be at all therapeutic...I think its a mix of bad PMS, and just getting used to the meds...the Wellbutrin hasn't had a chance to kick in fully yet...and of course throw in a ton of stress and my general dysfunction...I'll be okay...the Provigil at least helps me function a whole lot better. If I just don't allow myself to THINK I'm okay, lol.

To be perfectly honest, I don't want therapy. I hate therapy...it scares me. But I'm going, and I'm going to give it all I have. I do want to get better. I want a life again. I want a normal life again, maybe for the first time, I would like to experience what that would feel like.

I'm trying to get my brain to understand that I have to make some changes...if that makes any sense!!! Does that make any sense? LOL. I have to work on myself...and get myself to understand that I cannot control what anyone else does or doesn't do. That I only have control over my life...but that I have to TAKE CONTROL over my life...I can't expect miracles to happen. I have to MAKE things happen. Confusing, I'm sure. DH still isn't working...he says he will be able to get more work when his truck is fixed, which will happen when we get the tax refund, but what about NOW? That's making me mad and stressing me out. How do I get him to see that? I don't want to blow up...but I can't take it much longer...also, we aren't intimate anymore...at all...its been over a month...I just get so tired and my moods were so off the chain...and I don't know...oh well...seems like its getting worse though as time goes on...

Avatar for cla3a
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 1:29pm
Hi Keli luv,
ITA with Marci. Boundries, boundries, boundries.
You have to do what is right for you.
Just sit them all down and tell them that unless you work on you, you will not be much good to them.
If you need to talk, I am here.
Love you,
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Registered: 11-18-2003
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 5:12pm

((((((((((keli)))))))))) i can't add anything else to what's already been said. 'cause it's all great advice. but know i'm thinking of you and sending you positive vibes to keep your inner strength up.


love you,


traci