Rose...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Rose...
1
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 1:24pm

Hey Rose...

I'm sorry I haven't posted to you before now....please forgive me! As you know I was in the hospital for several days when you first posted...anyway, its GOOD to see you! Now, to your post...lol. We've "known" each other for a long time now...and have followed each other from board to board to board and kept up with our various issues, and problems, and progress(es). Its good to see you doing well and/or feeling good right now. And, I will reiterate what I've told you in the past, many times. It seems to me that you have a classic case of Bipolar II. But you know that I'm not a pdoc and all that fun stuff. As for being narcissitic? NEVER. You may FEEL that way from time to time...its what we sometimes feel when we are a bit manic...or more than a bit manic...your need to shop...you don't feel that ALL the time...your energy...you are NEVER that energetic...Its cyclical. Your hyperness...same thing. I could go on and on...but you know exactly what I'm talking about.

You have this GIANT need for a diagnosis, and I really really think you should PUSH the issue with your pdoc. The pdoc/tdoc you're seeing isn't going to dx you unless you REALLY PUSH them to. They just aren't. They've never cared to in the past, and you've hinted to them about BP. PUSH THEM.

Please keep posting with us...everyone fits here...no matter what. I wonder about you all the time...how you are, where you are...how school is going...so keep me posted. Okay?

Love and Hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: keli003
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 9:43pm

Thank you so much, Keli...it's really good to hear from you too, though I'm so sorry for all you've been through lately. It's so sweet of you to post to me even when you're struggling so much...I need to take an example from you, I know.

And you are right on with what you posted...I do really feel like I need a diagnosis, even though I'd like to tell myself otherwise...and even though a big part of me knows that this up-and-down is just not simple depression. But now I can still deny things some, and mostly just be continue to be confused about these two different people I seem to be (like, was I ever really depressed, or just imagining it?).

But my pdoc and tdoc both don't seem to like to "label" things, as you said...but I think I will have to bring it up. My tdoc also seems to want me to think of my feelings and reactions to things as more normal than not (but then again, I haven't seen her since I started feeling "high" like this).

And I'm not sure how to ask about it without seeming like I'm looking to be diagnosed as BP...though I'm not sure why anyone would "want" to have that diagnosis! It just feels weird to me to have to try to convince them of what I've been going through...

And my good mood never seems to last long enough for me to see my pdoc during it...now my next appointment is not for over a month. But I do see my tdoc this Thursday...

But already, today I first started feeling like this "episode" may be coming to an end. Just because I was able to sit down and study for several hours at a time (before, I couldn't sit still to save my life), and I started feeling a little sleepy this evening. I'm going to hope maybe it's just a little lull, though...I've been having a great time.

Thanks again so much...I often wonder about you too, and how things are going...I was sad to hear how hard it's been for you lately. I hope things get better...keep me posted too, OK?

Rose

Edit: not to make this post even longer (sorry!), but I read something in someone else's post that made me think. I also feel like maybe this is "me," the happy one, and that going on meds to change that might feel wrong. I'm on no meds now...but I used to be on many antidepressants at once and actually still felt depressed (which makes me doubt that I could be bipolar...but the meds made me so sleepy from side effects that I could barely function anyway). Sorry for this late-night, post-Ambien rambling...thanks for listening (if any of it made sense!).




Edited 3/7/2006 12:52 am ET by rosa444