Tracey
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Tracey
| Tue, 03-07-2006 - 12:00pm |
How are you doing today? Hope you're okay...I'm managing...trying to feel better, and wait out the meds...its a bit better today...hate certain people at work though...ugh. have a meeting at 1:30...and have a TON of work to do, but i just can't seem to stay focused.
Guess who is back at work today. Yikes. We talked briefly, only like 60 seconds.
Love you.

Hey - am hectic and crazy and busy as all get out. Having some really crabby days, but think PMS is involved. The apartments ticked me off because they told me a month ago my rent wouldn't go up this year, then I got my renewel notice yesterday and GASP it is going up $25 again. Ticks me off.
Otherwise I am fine.
Glad to hear you are doing ok. Hang in there and NO MORE MISSING MEDS!!! You are SO lucky I didn't read that until late last night or you would have gotten a call. Keep in mind, as quick as the lithium gets into your system and starts working, it also is metabolized OUT of your system. You cannot miss a dose. Can't. Not allowed. :) Plus, while it will never be the great anti-depressant other drugs are, lithium WILL help with your downs a little. Keep taking it. AND...no ED issues are allowed either. No "I only ate a tiny bit of food today" crap. No, you don't have to eat like you did in the hospital. Have several small meals a day. A banana or some instant oatmeal. A sandwich. Some carrots or celery. An apple. A hamburger with some fries. I don't care. But you must eat.
***Interesting note***
I work with, and have become friends with, a complete health FREAK here. He is the one that when I had the sinus thing was giving me herbs to help - remember me telling you about the oregano? He actually eats almost MORE when he is trying to lose weight then when he is not watching his weight. He will have a pouch or can of tuna (in water!!!). Or several hot dogs. A bowl of chili. He eats something at least every other hour. But it is WHAT he eats. He also eats fish at least 3 nights a week - best food in the world for you. He also has explained to me that as big an issue exercise is for me to lose weight, sleeping at LEAST 6-8 hours EVERY NIGHT is AS important.
Yes, your other issues do have a serious effect on your moods. I also think (don't get mad at me) you have been unstable for SO long that you don't feel right/good when you are stable so you subconsciously try to sabotage it. I think a lot of us do that. Take a deep breath. Remember that you can ONLY control things that you have control over. So when your dad gets up to his games, breath a few deep breaths and put it out of your mind. You can't control him. Your mom being along for a night can be difficult for her, but she CAN handle it - she likes to convince you she can't though because then you give her control over you. You can't control her view of spending time at home alone. Yes, it would stink to be her sitting there alone like that. You can't control Eric going to work. You can get upset and tell him to, but you can't control it. You can't control Mike's attitude at times. You can punish him and get angry with him, but you can't control him.
The more you examine what you Can and Cannot control, it is AMAZING how little we actually have the power to control. You can control your reactions sometimes (not always, I know...me either). You can control so many things regarding what YOU do and say and think and feel. As for everyone else...you can't. The best you can do is influence them. You need to teach yourself to take several deep long breaths, clear your mind, and then let it go. It is SO hard to do that, but makes life SO much easier. For example: The other night my sister called me all upset. She had spent the previous 2 hours talking to Mom - dad is gambling again and stealing money from her and overdrawing her accounts and not making housepayments and Mom is freaking out. A year ago, I would have gotten upset, called Mom and tried to figure out what to do. Now, I listened to my sister vent everything and told her "There is NOTHING I can do about the situation." Mom knows what to do. She TELLS everyone what she needs to do. She lacks the conviction and strength to do it. That is for HER to control. Not me. Dad needs to stop gambling, but that is for HIM to control. Not me. I didn't lose a minute sleep over it. Yes, I am concerned about them because I could see someone dying over it one of these times (and I can't decide who is more likely to kill the other). Yes, I wish I could fix it. But I can't. So I didn't even call Mom. I waited. I will probably call her tonight and if she brings it up again I will let her vent to me and then tell her the same thing I told my sister. Mom CAN control Dad's access to her money. She chooses not to. That is HER fault. Mom CAN control getting her house fixed so she can sell it and divorce Dad. SHE chooses not to. That is HER fault. Dad is a lying louse of a gambling addict. That she can't control. She can only control how she deals with him.
Enough of the lecture. I'm off my pedestal.
See if you can find the book "7 habits of highly effective people". It is a fantastic book that teaches you how to be more effective and to have more control over issues in your life. It is actually geared toward business but the carryover into "life" is good.
Take care and call if you need to. I will try to call you this weekend.
Love ya!
LOL
Of course I am NOT mad at you...and of course you ARE EXACTLY dead on right about me. I laughed like crazy while reading your WHOLE post...its so so so so right. I do sabotage myself, my stability...my everything...I do. Completely. Its something I just realized, very recently...and then you hit the nail on the head by coming out with it and telling me point blank to my face (well, you know what I mean) today. I needed that. But you always know what I need to hear.
As for eating...and taking the LI...I've already done better today.
That's cool what you said about the guy you work work...I ate a good hot breakfast...then I had turkey and cheese for lunch...and will eat again later a couple times...I am not starving myself anymore...I really DO want to be better in all areas.
As for my parents...it actually turned out to be JUST FINE last night...its me who turns everything into such a huge drama...like you said, I try to make myself nuts...and I even said so in an earlier post this morning...oh well. My mom didn't need me last night like I immediately freaked out about...she did perfectly fine...its all me! I don't know why I am like this now...
I am really making Eric a bit nuts too...and bless his heart he's so patient. I don't know HOW he is doing it...but he is.
k, gotta meeting...we'll talk again soon.
Love you