New here intro-- possible triggers
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| Wed, 03-08-2006 - 1:36pm |
Hi,
I am 33 and was dx'ed BP in my early teens. I suspect that now I would dx'ed rapid cycling BPI.
I have lived and struggld with my illness for years. I do not take Rx'ed meds. Haven't for sometime. I do not like the way the make me feel; like the things I am saying and doing when medicated are not my words or actions. It's like I am a puppet and someone else is speaking and acting for me. Other times i feel like i am watching my life happen and not actiuve in my life so i choose no to medicate. Not to say that there aren't times where my cycling is just so terrible that i wish there was someone else puppeting me or that i was watching from the outside of my body. BUt i don't not believe that a chemically dependant (this is also how i feel when i am on meds like i am an addict that cannot wait for the next bump) lifestyle is the right treatment for me. I know others that have been true success stories i am not one of them.
When I am in a normal mood my tiggers eventually send me into one extreme or the other.
When I am manic I can generally manage my episode though daily relaxation/meditation and silent thought. If that doens't work I shift to daily stream I of conscience writing to clear my head. Sometimes none of it works and i lash out at the nearest bystander, and when that happens there is no knowing it is coming. Last Sept. i quit my job becasue i thought the stress was triggering manics, which ultimately exhust me and make me depressed. When depress i make my self get out of bed. It is a know fact that if i am been in bed for more that 12 hours myDBF better get me out of bed by any means possible, cause i'll just lie there. I try to find something that excites me when i am depressed i will make myself pursue a new adventure.
I do withdraw after a particullay bad episode, becasue i am exhausted and i just do't want to explain my actions any more.
I have a complex Med history that inculdes. ED- bulimia that evolved into anorexia, SI, and more. I have used drugs and been a drinker in the past. I no longer self medicate-- although i recently read that i shouldn't drink coffee. So i guess that might count as self medicating.
My current trigger-
Boyfriends family
weight
lack of work
I recently came to ivillage to seek some advise regarding my DBF family and it lead me down a path of self discovery to many different boards. one of the other boards had sugested that perhaps the intimacy issue i am having w/ DBF are a result of BP cycling. any thoguhts? anyone out there living wiht BP and not taking rx'ed meds? What kind of alternative methods have you heard of? I would like to hear from all but esp. looking for others with similar experiences.
thanks for being there,
Ooi

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Hi, OOI...nice to "meet" you. I'm probably not the best one here to give advice since I am still not sure what my diagnosis would be...but I did want to welcome you here. It does sound like your bipolar has caused a lot of difficulty in your life, from career to relationships...did you feel like you were at least better able to handle those kinds of stresses while on meds?
I think it's great that you use relaxation and meditation and writing to help you deal with your emotions...I've heard those can be helpful. But unfortunately, from what I know, bipolar I is a serious, physiological problem that pretty much requires meds to keep under control. I know that's not what you want to hear, but I haven't heard even one success story of a person with BP I managing well without meds (if anyone else knows differently, feel free to speak up!).
How recently has it been since you tried meds? I'm just asking because I know there are now a lot of newer meds in the past few years that can help with BP without necessarily causing the same side effects as the other ones. I know a lot of people have to try several different meds before they find the one that works well for them.
Also, have you thought about seeking therapy to help you understand your difficulties with work and relationships? I know it could be hard financially if you don't have a job, but some therapists do have sliding scales.
Still, it seems to me that trying a different medication could give you the best chance at success. Wouldn't it be worth at least a try to allow you to function enough to work and feel more in control of your moods?
I'm glad you posted...let us know how you're doing,
Rose
thank you for your post. i think you may have misunderstood me a little.
I am satisfied with my choice to not take rx'ed meds. I am also content with having quit my job-- the job was not a healthy one. It took advantage of my manias and when i wouls swing into a low they would belittle me for not seeking pdoc or rx'ed meds. It was the worst kind of codependent relationship in my life. I was not fired. I left on my own because i did not want my job to manipulate my condition any further.
I sometimes have difficulty managing my episodes. I am looking for a place where other understand the rapid switches and triggers. My boyfriend doesn't get why his family sends me off the edge. I am looking for another coping tool. I don't intend to seek out a pdoc or rx'ed meds at this time. I have managed for nearly 17 years with out them.
again thank you,
Ooi
Hello! Most of us here who rapid cycle can't function without meds. Its good that you have been able to do so. We understand the triggers, and swings very well. But without meds, they're usually quite catastrophic. What kind of coping tool are you seeking?
We all support each other here very much and feel free to join in on that support. Just understand that we're all on meds and sometimes still struggle very much. Many of us sometimes hate the meds, would like to not be on the meds, but have no choice.
Hugs,
Keli
keli,
What kind of coping tool are you seeking?
Not sure. Just wondering if there some others that i can learn from y'all.
Right now. I use relaxation and meditation most. when that doesn't work i move to writing. I try to isolate/determine why i am having an episode (sometimes this doesn't happen until after the fact) What triggered it if anything. I have been know to "flip out" or "act out" for silly reason other are deeper less obvious. either way i always self analyze after the fact.
You know when i was first diagnosed i spent 6 plus months hospitalized and several years working with a Pdoc and therapist. But when i turned 18 i told my parent s that i didn't want to be in a weekly treatment program anymore. we talked to my Pdoc and decided that if i worked toward holistic wellness i might be able to live rx'ed med free.
I made a plan then that I try to stick to. Up until recently the plan was working. The last few years have been rough. I have fallen back in patterns that I had broken years ago. That is what sort of what brought me here. I realized that in the last 10 years I haven't once read a recent medical study on BPD. A few years ago when my relationship started to have problems i assumed it was because of the outside forces not my inside demons. Now I realize it may not be the case.
I am also a classic over achiever being good isn;t enough for me i want to be the best al the time asking myself to be perfect is not an unusual request. I have to make a CONSCIENCE effort to just be the best me without all the extra credit. That is tough.
When I started posting to Ivillage on another board someone called me brave for living without Meds. It got me thinking that maybe there are other that are doing the same.
I am not totally unlike the rest of the people with BP. I still say and do things that are completely out of my control, I cry for no reason, sleep very little, the list is long.
Ultimately wonder why my "body" is not in balance. Why am I affected by this PARTICULAR problem.
When i think about it have a genuine awe for the nature of the universe. If i wasn't BP I wouldn't be the creative force I am. I make my living as a Designer and performer, IMHO, if my feelings weren't as close to the surface i wouldn't be half as creative or dynamic a person on stage or otherwise. I look at it as a gift with some down sides.
hope this helps you understand where i am coming from a little.
all the best,
Ooi
Hey there! I too, think you are brave for choosing to live without meds. I many times wish I could make that same choice. My BP is really severe, and I struggle HORRIBLY on meds...so I don't think I could do that. Maybe one day, who knows? I'm actually doing well right now, after a very bad episode of rapid cycling, and a hospitalization. I think we all find different ways to cope...sometimes I just have to be alone, in fact, a lot of times, I have to be alone. I have a great dh who understands this. But in being alone, in my room, with my dog, either watching tv, or reading, i can quiet my mind. I can just be. This board is my other coping skill. The girls here on the board are my only true friends...and they have saved my life, more than once.
I'm glad you're sticking around with us.
Hugs!
Keli
Yes, I'm sorry, OOI...I did misunderstand you. I agree that you are brave for managing without meds, and for quitting a job that wasn't good for you. I hope the board helps you to find some more coping skills...I could use some myself too! :)
Sorry again for the misunderstanding,
Rose
Ladies (Iassume we are all ladies... if not and Gentlemen..)
thank you for your welcome. glad to be here. felling a little like normal today.
all the best,
Ooi
and that is always the BEST kind of day!!! YAY!
:)
Hugs,
Keli
OH and the sun is shining outside so i am going for a walk.
Ooi
Rose,
I was trying i way to send this post to you directly but i couldn't. so here it is.
You don't need to apologize to me. I appreciate it though. You are very entitled to think i should seek med and a pdoc. Your right that meds have changed. It has been years since i was last in treatment and who knows it might make a world of difference. But for me i also know that with a history of addiction and addictive behaviors the best me i can be is one that is drug free. I don;'t think it make s me brave i think it is my only choice.
You gave me some great things to think about. In return I thought I should just give you a little bit more info about me (so as to not appear like i was a complete whack job not talking med..he-he that is my need to be accepted that makes me explain myself to complete strangers)
ok? please don't be sorry to me because you shared you feelings about what i was doing. I wouldn't be here if i didn't want someone else's opinion.
all the best,
Christine
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