New here intro-- possible triggers
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 03-08-2006 - 1:36pm |
Hi,
I am 33 and was dx'ed BP in my early teens. I suspect that now I would dx'ed rapid cycling BPI.
I have lived and struggld with my illness for years. I do not take Rx'ed meds. Haven't for sometime. I do not like the way the make me feel; like the things I am saying and doing when medicated are not my words or actions. It's like I am a puppet and someone else is speaking and acting for me. Other times i feel like i am watching my life happen and not actiuve in my life so i choose no to medicate. Not to say that there aren't times where my cycling is just so terrible that i wish there was someone else puppeting me or that i was watching from the outside of my body. BUt i don't not believe that a chemically dependant (this is also how i feel when i am on meds like i am an addict that cannot wait for the next bump) lifestyle is the right treatment for me. I know others that have been true success stories i am not one of them.
When I am in a normal mood my tiggers eventually send me into one extreme or the other.
When I am manic I can generally manage my episode though daily relaxation/meditation and silent thought. If that doens't work I shift to daily stream I of conscience writing to clear my head. Sometimes none of it works and i lash out at the nearest bystander, and when that happens there is no knowing it is coming. Last Sept. i quit my job becasue i thought the stress was triggering manics, which ultimately exhust me and make me depressed. When depress i make my self get out of bed. It is a know fact that if i am been in bed for more that 12 hours myDBF better get me out of bed by any means possible, cause i'll just lie there. I try to find something that excites me when i am depressed i will make myself pursue a new adventure.
I do withdraw after a particullay bad episode, becasue i am exhausted and i just do't want to explain my actions any more.
I have a complex Med history that inculdes. ED- bulimia that evolved into anorexia, SI, and more. I have used drugs and been a drinker in the past. I no longer self medicate-- although i recently read that i shouldn't drink coffee. So i guess that might count as self medicating.
My current trigger-
Boyfriends family
weight
lack of work
I recently came to ivillage to seek some advise regarding my DBF family and it lead me down a path of self discovery to many different boards. one of the other boards had sugested that perhaps the intimacy issue i am having w/ DBF are a result of BP cycling. any thoguhts? anyone out there living wiht BP and not taking rx'ed meds? What kind of alternative methods have you heard of? I would like to hear from all but esp. looking for others with similar experiences.
thanks for being there,
Ooi

Pages
Thank you...I appreciate it. I do feel like the apology is necessary, though...I realized recently that when I'm concerned about someone, I sometimes tend to jump to a strong opinion...maybe because I don't want to believe that the situation is as bad or complicated as it really is?
Sorry, just to give a little background on me too! (Plus, the ultimate irony/hypocrisy is that I'm currently not taking any meds myself...but I haven't been diagnosed as bipolar, so somewhere in my incorrect logic, I could justify it to myself!). So I really have no good excuse for having that opinion anyway...I am learning that I need to think before I speak or write, and that I have a good bit of growing up left to do!
Thanks for being so nice about it,
Rose
rose,
no worries . I am here ( as i am sure other are) if you need someone to bounce stuff off.
I posted a list of things i do to get through
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-bhbipolar&msg=11512.1&ctx=0
maybe it will be of some encouragement to you.
chrisitne
ps. i am one of those that doesn't always think before i write(say) as well. I work very hard to bit my tongue.
Pages