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| Thu, 03-09-2006 - 1:08am |
I have a therapy appointment tomorrow morning, and I'm debating how/if to bring up my concern over a diagnosis. She normally asks how things have been going, and I can tell her honestly how much energy I've had and how "high" I've felt...although today, with a horrible migraine (maybe I shouldn't have gone off the Topamax!), I was feeling much less that way, and I'm wondering if it may be coming to an end anyway.
But then we usually decide together what we want to talk about that session (which I do like, though it's hard for me to nail down the issues sometimes). And recently at least we've been talking about more basic things, like taking care of myself physically when depressed (showering, etc), as well as bigger issues like family dysfunction...well, really it varies each time.
Sorry, maybe too much info! But if you were in my shoes, would you just start out the session by saying something like "there's something I want to talk about with you"? And then just jump in to all the recent hyperness and my confusion about what that could be, other than bipolar?
I know I do have a tendency to "pathologize" things, as my therapist has said...to think that my "normal" thoughts and feelings are somehow abnormal. So I don't want this to end up a similar kind of problem, that I could end up trying to convince her there is something wrong with me, when she feels like it's within the normal range.
Sorry, it's late and I did take a good bit more Ambien than usual (nothing else was working until this dose to make me even a tiny bit sleepy!)...so this may not make a whole lot of sense...and I apologize for asking about something that I should be able to figure out on my own.
But as you said, Keli, I feel like I do need a diagnosis if in fact I am bipolar, just for my own peace of mind...so I'd like to have my therapist at least be clear about what she thinks is going on. I'm not sure how to get her to be clear, though, or how to get her to believe all the crazy moods I've gone through when she hasn't really seen them.
Thanks so much for listening, and helping, as always!
Rose

Rose,
Here's what you do...seriously...lol.
Go in, and say, there's something that's been on my mind for a long time...and its recently come back up again and for my own peace of mind, I really need to discuss it once and for all........
Period. And make her do it...try to be precise (i know this gets hard when you're right there -- i always forget things) with what you're trying to say...be as firm as you can be and say I want and need to know if I have Bipolar II Disorder. I have some friends who are Bipolar, and they really think that I am. I have a lot of the symptoms, and here they are....list them out...
Something like that...she what she ways...go from there...
Remember YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR THERAPY! She's not.
Love and Hugs!!!
Keli
Thanks so much, Keli...that really helped. I did bring it up today, in a way a lot like you suggested...and I know my therapist is a great one because (among other reasons) she also told me that I was in control of what we were going to talk about.
It was a good talk, and I was relieved to get it off my chest. For a while she seemed skeptical that it was more than a good mood, but she told me she believed me and she did listen. She brought up a few things that it could be, like hormones or the fact that I was overmedicated for a long time, and now maybe I'm just feeling better off meds.
But after I described it all, she said the one thing that made it sound more like a normal good mood than hypomania was the fact that I recognized that it was strange...that someone with bipolar usually wouldn't. But I didn't recognize it until after the hyperness had already started to fade...so she said that was fair.
We didn't come to any major conclusion...she says it's something we should follow and "gather more information" about how my mood changes. And she wants me to make some notes about the times in the past that I've had these episodes, and if they've been related to anything I can think of (that's going to be a hard one...the past times are all kind of a blur...anybody know how I could try to figure that one out?).
Also, has anyone heard of this being strongly tied to hormones? She did mention something about the time around ovulation, that people can have a week or two of really good mood...but I can't really put my finger on any hormonal connection for me.
So I'm glad actually that she didn't jump to a label in one session (this is the first time I've ever really brought anything up like this...I tend to kind of forget about the up times when I feel bad, and I don't go to therapy when I'm feeling good!).
My biggest issue is that the good times seem to be so rare compared to the bad...it might be years before I have another one, for all I know.
We did talk a while about why I felt like I needed a diagnosis...she even asked, like would I want to go on long-term disability or something if I were diagnosed?! My answer, of course, is no...I just feel like it would help explain things, help me understand myself and what's going on. I don't know that I'd even want to go on meds or do anything differently if I had a diagnosis...I'd just like to know!!!
Sorry, you probably didn't want to read a transcript of the entire therapy session! But thank you again for the advice...I might have waited another few weeks, or months, to bring up the issue otherwise. I am glad I have this particular therapist...she has helped me and taught me more than any of the many people I've seen in the past.
Hope you are doing OK...guess I should try to get some studying in,
Rose
Edited 3/9/2006 11:11 pm ET by rosa444