worried about intimacy with DH

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
worried about intimacy with DH
4
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 11:05am
I am so weird! I thought a lot of us BP's had sexual urges! I am not one. I hate it, the thought turns my stomach and I want to boil my body afterwards. YUCK! It absolutely disgusts me and I feel nothing at all during intimacy. WHY??? I was never sexually abused (to my knowledge) or physically abused (much) while growing up. I had a lot of peer abuse but not really much adult abuse. I did have a couple of incidents as a child where I was inappropriately touched but never was I raped. Not sure if that has anything to do with it-thinking about it doesn't particularly bother me. DH was my first and only relationship in my whole life. So where does this antipathy for intimacy come from? It's really putting a strain on my relationship with DH. And a lot of guilt on me. If I had my way, we'd NEVER engage. Which certainly isn't fair to DH. I'm not sure what to do. My DH is a great and caring guy and it tears me up that I can't be intimate.
Jodie

Jodie

Avatar for suziq_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 11:34am
you aren't odd.i wasn't abused at all & i feel the same way.
i admit that i have had relationships & affairs that were purely sexual,but with my husband i feel just the way you described it.i remember feeling this way in a long term relationship a long time ago too.blech.ugh can't thru it & if i want to torture myself all i have to do is imagine it.
meds can cause the apathy but as for the rest,i think you should bring it up in therapy.there could be a million reasons.
youre NOT weird!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 11:38am

ur not weird, or else i'm weird too...i have been that way for a while now...hate it...but i feel exactly the same way...hate it hate it hate it...ick! my dh is great about it 2, but i feel SO guilty all the time, and he doesn't deserve it either...

how are U feeling today?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 12:17pm
Really crappy. I can't concentrate on anything at all. I am glad I'm leaving at one today. My pdoc wants to reduce my hours or have me go out on a leave of absence. HA!
With all the bills we have to pay due to my horrendous spending...that is just a dream!
Hope you are feeling OK. BP SUCKS!

Jodie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 9:06pm

you are not weird. I am the same way.

I suffer from the same lack of desire, gross out factor. I once for almost a year that every time he sat near me i thought he was so unpleasant i would move to another part of the house.

I find it is worse when cycling has been particularly active. When i am having normal moods i miss his intimacy, but since i just bit his head off for touching my hand three days ago it is hard to get him back on my side. I started to just tell him so that when i do feel like being touched he is game.

it helps when write down: when i felt like touching and when i felt like his touch was offending me. So i could pinpoint any triggers that i might have missed.

it sucks to not understand why someone you know you love so much repulses you for no apparent reason.

good luck,
Ooi