keli....
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| Sun, 03-12-2006 - 7:57pm |
saw pdoc fri. tried to confess about ed. guess what. he didnt seem to see what was wrong with me "dieting". even when i said "i'm not eating" "i can't sleep" "i feel sick all the time"
i was afraid, and things were coming out wrong. and i know i dont really want to stop. but im really afraid. but i just ended up feeling like a complete *** for bringing it up in the first place.
but it proves one thing. i AM too fat to have an ed. and pdoc just confirmed it. so im in the clear. so fine with me. im gonna continue on my way until i reach my goal. and another thing, that proves it's not just "in my head", even my doctor thinks so.
he also said i'm pretty hypo,and blamed just about everything im going thru on that. told me i have to cut back on my wellbutrin, & to take 400 trazadone, and ativan. whcih pissed me off even more. but i guess only cuz he's right. all the anger and meanness and insomnia, etc. yah, hypo. i was so cranky at the appt., i just sat there with a pissy look on my face, snapping at everything. he was so surprised. said if im not better by the time he comes back, he will put me on a little lithium. NOT likely. there's no way that's gonna happen.
im still mad, probably cuz i havent come back down yet. been taking ativan and all that other stuff. that makes me mad cuz i dont WANT to be a zombie again. but i feel SO bad for being such a jerk to him, especially when i wont see him for two weeks.
BUT, he said to call him today and check in. so i did, and he STILL hasnt called back. so i guess if he hasnt called yet, then hes not going to. grrr!!!

hey bethie...sorry i wasn't in touch this wknd...am pretty depressed, sucks...how r u today?
love u lots
hi babes...
sorry to hear you were depressed this weekend. i was looking for you here and there, missed not seeing you, but figured there was a good reason for it.
me, im still pretty high, and not on a good ride. pdoc did call me this morning, and i feel better after talking to him. but im still in a pissy mood. everyone and everything is setting me off. full moon tomorrow, and it's a doozy this month.
couldnt hold down my meds again last night. so no a/p (seroquel) for the 4th night, no traz yet again. so i couldnt sleep at all. it's sending my bp way out of wack. i feel so sick. im trying to drink a slim fast right now. we'll see how that goes. im sooo hungry, but you know how it goes when i try to eat. but apparently there's no problem here, so im carrying on with my plan. cuz fat kids cant have ed's.
the stupid full moon is kicking my A$$ this month...ugh. now, as for you missy...drink that slim fast, even if it takes u all day...k, i'm FAT, and i have an ED. Big time ED. No matter what pdoc says...try to remember that...u KNOW u have an ED. So, just do what we talked about...liquids, small pieces, TINY pieces of fruit...apples are best...I'm munching on Chex Mix right now...It has small pieces...and not many calories for the whole small bag...so that would be something you could do and not have hardly any calories if u ate 1/4 of a bag for the whole day. Cut up a 1/4 of an apple into very small pieces and then cut them up if you have to...just get some food into your body.
I am mad at your pdoc right now for not listening to you. He is distracted and isn't listening to you. So, you may be a LITTLE hypo...but that is NOT your biggest prob right now...in fact, it the LEAST of your probs...but its the EASIEST to fix...I hate when the pdocs do that!!!
I'll check on you later.
Please try to finish that slim fast...maybe some fruit tonight???? Please? Try for me...k? If u can't, its okay...just get that liquid down...and tomorrow, we'll do fruit...or something.
Love you tons.
Keli