Traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Traci
5
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 7:34am

Traci,

You okay, hon?

I know u weren't doing too well last week...let me know, okay?

Love u,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
In reply to: keli003
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 9:18am

i've been better. i don't know what's going on. my meds i guess are working but at the same time i don't think they are. how much sense does that make?


finances caused me to have to stop seeing tdoc so that my dd could continue. i couldn't afford both of us. it just all sucks.


love u 2,


traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: keli003
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 9:39am

i can totally relate...believe me. just wanted to check on u...don't stay so quiet...talk it out here...whether u repeat yourself over and over, doesn't matter. okay?

we love u and worry about u...

i know exactly where u are right now, and isolating yourself isn't the best idea...

k.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
In reply to: keli003
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 12:04pm

i don't know, my depression is getting bad again and i don't know why. i just finished up with the college i was going to and am transferring to another one to go for my bachelor's so i should be excited about it, but i'm not. i should be relieved because i get a break from classes until the start of the summer semester, but i feel guilty for the time off.


my 16 yo dd had a pdoc appointment today and pdoc told her what tdoc and i have been telling her all along which is get more sleep 'cause that's what is contributing to her swings, but again she just made excuses as to why she "couldn't" get more sleep. that pi$$ed me off. and i told her so after we'd left the pdoc's office. i hate getting on her because she is so emotional but yet i have to in order to get the emotions under control. it's a viscious cycle.


i've been looking for a new job for about a month now and can't seem to find anything. i've still got the mess with the ex hanging over my head. i've got expenses coming out of the woodwork for everything that has broken down in the past month and a half. it's all just getting to me. i go to see the lawyer on the 23rd of this month to hopefully get things resolved with the ex, who coincidentally is now playing superdad. ever since he found out i was taking him to court he can't see the kids enough now. that really has me torqued.


i've started sleeping a lot again and i know that's the depression. i haven't been taking the klonopin 'cause i haven't been having rage issues. it's been more depression than anything. and i'm so sick of depression i hate to even admit it.


and you're right, isolating isn't a good idea but it's hard for me not to right now. it just seems easier ya know? so i'll try to post more. thanks for understanding and listening.


love u


traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: keli003
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 12:26pm

btdt...btdt...btdt...almost word for word...except for the ex issues...

depression sucks...ever since i got out of i/p, i've been depressed, REALLY depressed...but i'm trying to fight it now, instead of laying down and letting it beat me down...course, i didn't start this til today, lol. its been really kicking my butt, too.

i have soooooooo many money issues that just thinking about it will start me spinning, so i'm just not thinking about it right now...nothing i can do about it so i am not giving it power to cause me any stress...

my ds is getting more ADHD or BP every day...he's failing a class...but there isn't anything i can do about that either...right now, i just want him out of 9th grade...we're moving, he's changing schools, to a much better school for 10th grade, and we'll begin again. he won't take meds, that's his choice, but he also has to take responsibility for that choice, and he knows it and i'm holding him to it. i'm releasing myself from that one at this point. that is all i can do...he is old enough to take responsibility for himself to that degree. i did talk to his pdoc when i was i/p and she said that i cannot force him at this age...that he will either work it out on his own, crash, or decide he needs help...she said that unless he's in major trouble, which he isn't...failing miserably (he's not) or raging out of control (he's actually been in more control) then to let him deal with himself. So I am.

my parents still need me...but i'm trying to tone it down...

so, yeah...life is still overwhelming...but i am trying to realize that I am letting outside stressors kill me. Ya know?

Its very hard...not as easy as it sounds here...but I'm working on it...I freak out every day about something...but I've learned to try to relax...if it means going to my room for bed at 7:30 and watching t.v. til I go to sleep by myself so be it...

I'm just trying this time...really trying...no more starving myself...trying to exercise some...trying to get out of my house more (NOW THAT ONE IS THE HARDEST!!!). Depression really bites A$$, but I think we have to try to bite back.

Love you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
In reply to: keli003
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 12:43pm

you're right about everything. i think dd is the one that's hitting me the hardest. i know what she's in for if she doesn't start doing what everyone keeps advising her to do. as a mother i want to spare her that. but on the flip side, like you said, she is by far old enough to accept the responsibility for herself. i've just got to learn to let go.


the money thing, too. there's not a thing i can do about it but just do what i can when i can.


i've just got to turn it over and stop stressing over it. i wish i could find an easy way to do that though. yesterday it was a gorgeous day and i stayed outside as much as i could. only had a short nap during the mid-day break. today is cooler but still pretty. but i took a long nap after dd's pdoc appt. i know that's not good. and that i probably need to fight that. but i'll work on that.


i'm glad to hear you're fighting though. that gives me hope. i'll talk to you soon.


love ya,


traci