not doing very well
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| Wed, 03-15-2006 - 8:59am |
I'm not doing well. I keep getting jobs and getting fired from them, due to being so depressed i can't manage to make it to work. And dh is a full time student, so i need to work. Have yet another job interview in a few minutes that i'm sure i will get. great job, a nurse, weekend shifts only, benefits on the first day. somehow i'm sure i will screw this job up too. the longest i've held a job is 2 months. husband is saying i should get disability or something, we're so broke and it's all my fault. i feel so depressed.
i'm almost out of free samples of my meds from pdoc and i can't afford the amazing cost of refilling these prescriptions. another reason why i need this job.
it's amazing i make more then $20.00 an hour and i still can't make it to work.
i feel like my family is falling apart. dh is finally coming around to understanding how i feel. someone the other day referred to their depression as having to be scraped off of the floor. boy is that how i feel.
i took a shower today, well a bath. i couldn't even wash my hair unless i used baby shampoo. i just couldn't MOVE enough to go get my shampoo. and i wouldn't have even taken a shower if i didn't have to go somewhere. ugh it feels easier to do brain surgery then it does to function right now. thank God for the disney channel, dd can just stare at the tv. gee, i sound like mother of the year, huh?
well, i'm sure i'll be at the other end of the spectrum soon enough, and all of this will go away. it sure sucks now though.
hope everyone else is having a better day then i am!
i don't even care that i'm in sunny florida anymore
Lauren

lauren-
I can so relate to what you are going through with not being able to hold down a job. The longest job I ever had was for 1 year. I was good at what I did, but couldn't get there when I was depressed. I also used to have a bad phobia of going in public and being around crowds. I would get so scared that I wouldn't leave my house. I would call work and quit...telling my boss I can't leave the house and I don't know when I will be able to. Before I was treated for BP the pdocs had me a mess. I would cycle like no tomorrow and then crash big time. I am so glad I am not there anymore. I still have my bad times but they are not as dramatic as they used to be.
If I were you I would check into disability. I had to go on it. I am on it now. I am hoping to finish college and return to work someday but I can't right now. Not being able to work/hold down a job can make your self-esteem plummit to the ground and you can feel so ashammed and guilty. I have overcome some of those feelings but I still feel like crap about it at times. I have the drive until I have to do it everyday and then emotionally I can't work. I really hope you feel better. Good luck on this next job.
Tina
I'm sorry you are having a rough time right now.
Somehow I seem to keep my jobs...not really sure how I do it.
God could not be everywhere, so
Lauren...I know exactly how you feel...I can barely wash my hair either, it just takes too much energy!!! I work, and don't ask me how I do it every day, but I do...and its actually what keeps me going every day...i would be totally LOST without my job. I get suicidal when I can't work...go figure. But, its something to do, I'm around people (but I don't like being around people...another weirdo thing...) and then I keep myself occupied...my brain occupied...
I hope you get the job today, and I know you can do it!!! You have to do it, so you can get your meds, and get through the depression and end some of the cycle!!!
Keep posting with us and we can help, okay?
Love and Hugs,
Keli