Was manic...then it all went downhill
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| Wed, 03-15-2006 - 2:55pm |
Well, all was thought to be well in work land. I got relocated to another department. Instead of taking calls from not so happy customers, I'm now taking their email requests and processing them. Easy, no presure, no more panic attacks when I can't help. My supervisor is professional enough that I shared with him my illness and told him not to worry, but that I should let him know just incase something goes wrong. I'm working with fun people. I can listen to music while I'm at work. My stress has gone down at least 75% since I got this new possition.
And the best part is: I think I finally figured out the signs that I'm truly manic. I've actually got the drive to want to do art and music again. It's going to be on my own this time, but I've already got at least two pictures drawn and am trying to plan paitings. I've picked up my guitar again and I'm actually really close to learning Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here, solos in all. The stars are aliging, I'm ready to express and that's making me feel so good.
So yesterday I was sitting quietly at my desk and a guy walks up and starts talking to my neighbour and he reconizes me. Takes me a minute to recongize him because he's lost weight. It's my ex's best friend. I had to take 45 minutes of my time to go sit somewhere and cry. I paniced so bad. I told him he is not to report he saw me under no circumstances. He seems to understand, but I can't trust him. He's done it in the past. I cried because I hate who I've become and I thought I was doing so well. I cried because of the memories. I cried because I was alone. People gave me my space yesterday to cry. I had to call up my best friend to get a least some input and I still felt lonely. I don't have anybody who understands what I'm going through and why I'm still dwelling on the past - and then they get mad at me for wanting to talk about it.
Thanks for listening. I just had to get it off my chest.
