Adult discussion...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2003
Adult discussion...
12
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 5:35pm
Ques... I'm having some problems being "in the mood". I'm on good meds now, so I don't think that's the problem. I haven't had that problem before while on meds, I don't think. It's when my dh does anything overtly sexual (kisses me or feels me up, etc.) I get turned off. I am very attracted to him, but thinking of doing anything sexual makes me feel uneasy. I guess I'm just looking for similar experiences/tips to help. This is hurting the intimacy in our marriage. I'm stuck. I don't know why I'm like this, and I don't know how to fix it. My body responds, but my mind doesn't like it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2005
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 6:25pm

Im not sure why it happens either, but lately I have had the same problems. I thought they were meds related and DH isnt really worried about sex too much anyways...so its not a huge problem, and I can kinda fake it if I have to every few weeks but thats okay with me so its never really a big issue...but it does happen. I thought maybe it was because I am so fat that I gross myself out when I see me naked, but I dunno if thats what it is or not. I was wondering if I was normal or not too, Glad to see im not alone :)

Rebekah

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 7:13pm

I used to be crazy about sex, wanted as much as I could get, but when I left my ex I didn't have much of it for 5 years, then I met my bf now and he could care less about it. He is great when we do it but he doesn't do 'IT' enough, but I love him anyway. Now that my body has gotten used to not being touched like that I have made myself not want it. I suppress those feelings. I have gained weight since my mom died in August 2005, about 15 pounds and I was already fat to begin with, so I didn't need my butt and stomach to be any bigger, but now I feel so ugly that I don't want it. I would definately bring this up to your pdoc and tdoc. I know it is uncomfortable to talk about but there may be something tdoc or pdoc can do to help you with this and you deserve that opportunity.


Tina

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2003
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 7:39pm

I think a lot of it has to do with me ONLY being a mother and housekeeper. When dh is home we are both so stressed that we get lots of "me time" but not much "couple time". So I'm not a woman, not a friend, not a wife, not a sex goddess, etc. I'm JUST a mom and a housekeeper. That sucks the sexuality right out of me. Those are not roles that are supposed to be sexual, so that's a good thing, but it's hard to get those feelings back when I'm pushing them away constantly. I think one of the biggest problems is just that I don't get couple time with dh, so we have no time to intimately connect mentally or in other physical ways. And also that I've gone so long without it, and have to go through each day without it, that I'm comfortable the way things are. I mean, I'm not because of the conflicts it creates in my marriage, but really, I could do without it. I don't even take care of myself anymore (uh, how can I put this...double clicking my mouse), and that used to be a big priority for me. I've seriously lost ALL desire.


Anyway. I will bring it up with the docs, but I can't see them until early April, so it'll be a few weeks. This problem is bugging me so much I don't want to wait that long until I deal with it. (Part of my OCD.) hehe I appreciate everyone being so candid and open with me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 7:31am

Same here...dunno what it is...i think its a combination of just being so sick for so long...and then having the opportunity is also a big thing...i go to bed early...dh stays up late...my ds is home, and 15 and KNOWS all about what IT is, and that totally freaks me out now, lol...we live in a very small house, and his room is RIGHT next to ours, and well, you know how that is...then i just got lazy, and i could do without it anyway...which is really funny, cuz for all those MANIC years, i was a FREAK.

Weird. You are not alone.

I know it needs to change, for the intimacy of my marriage's sake.

But I'm like Rebekah, I fake it about five times a month. Not the all exciting kind of passionate stuff...but the get it done kind of stuff. Oh well. Its all I can do...

And weight gain DEFINITELY has something to do with it. I totally believe that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 8:03am

You are not alone at all !!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 1:12pm
i f my husband were to touch me i would puke.i can make myself sick just thinking about it.as a matter of fact i can't stay in the same room with him when he's breathing.it's like chinese water torture.
& even tho i'm not feeling particularly sexual,in my case i think if i were attracted to him it would be different.there are other people i would have sex with.
as for MY husband i cannot imagine living the rest of my life like this.spending more time together would make things worse.i cannot imagine HOW it would help.
i wish wish wish for a man in my life who i crave.so i know its in there somewhere.
just NOT with h.
i was glad to hear tho that some others here have the same reaction to sex,no matter what the reason.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 2:05pm
I think your case is a little different...you don't even want to be married to him anymore
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2003
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 5:53am

Donna, lol what you said to Suzi. I don't mean to laugh at you, Suzi; it really does sound like you're ready for him to leave!


I'm on Depo right now, but since that causes mood swings (arg!) I'll be trying an IUD next. I don't do well on hormonal birth control, but dh is allergic to spermicide so something like a sponge or cap is out. Plus, it needs to be something with little to no expense each month since dh is getting out of the military and we'll have no medical care and no prescription assistance. So an IUD may be my

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
Sun, 03-19-2006 - 8:43am
I thought something was wrong with me and not wanting sex. But after reading these posts I realize I am not alone. I don't know why I am like this either. It really upsets bf. He thinks I am not attracted to him. He is always asking me if he doesn't have a right to be attracted to me. I can't answer him. I tell him I think it is my meds. I noticed I have alot of the same feelings you guys do. I wish I could just crawl out of my skin when bf touches me. Otherwise I think we have a pretty good relationship. He's a good, hardworking man. He does lots of things around the house. I have spoken to my dr about this, she couldn't really give me an answer. All she did was up my meds dose. That seems to be her answer to everything, just up my dose. hhhmmmm? I do definetly hope that one day I can overcome these feelings.
 
 
 
 

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 8:50am

I have a really hard time with b/c also...and I'm really surprised they did that depo shot with you.


Have you tried the ortho trycyclin low?

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