Bethie
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Bethie
| Thu, 03-23-2006 - 10:57am |
Can you check in with me please? How are you doing? See pdoc tomorrow, right?
Talk to me...miss u tons...
love you more...
k.
| Thu, 03-23-2006 - 10:57am |
Can you check in with me please? How are you doing? See pdoc tomorrow, right?
Talk to me...miss u tons...
love you more...
k.
hi babes...
doing ok. staying calmer. what's stopping me from acting like a lunatic is the ativan. and that everytime i raise my voice i see everyone look at me out of the corner of their eye. just waiting for me get out of control again. so i've been better about it. but not perfect. and it hasnt been easy.
freakin dbt bites. i hate that woman. she thinks i need to find a new therapist. BITE ME!!! like she's one to friggin talk. i sit in the corner stewing, pissed off as all hell. she's casually talking about sa, si, and all that and she wonders why im dissociating. wonders why im shaking with anger. and blames it on MY PDOC. the most wonderful person in the world.
she has the friggin NERVE to tell me that ive been dwelling on my dads (i HATE!!! CALLING HIM THAT!!!!) surgery, and my brother moving since i was at the partial hosp. last friggin SUMMER!!!! dwelling? since last SUMMER?! this **** just hit the fan w/in the last MONTH. get your facts straight miss thing before you criticize how IM dealing with my life.
MY GOD. you want to see dwelling. look at the women in the group who have been going for YEARS and havent changed a BIT!!!! they're just addicted to support groups like friggin Ed Norton in Fight Club. there's one that goes to support groups 5 nights a week, not to mention therapy 2x's and pdoc. but ME!!! im in my 20's, but I"M the one that's been dwelling??!??!?! WTF? screw you! and i spend $30/wk for this. MY GOD!
yeah, pdoc tomorrow. not even sure what to tell him. think i need help dealing with the mess ive created for myself. but i dont want him to think i need a med change cuz i dont want to insult him when i refuse it. dbt dumb*** trigg'd flashbacks. why the hell would you tell stories about sa when you KNOW there's someone with ptsd in the group? tell stories about why you're so friggin ugly. but dont tell me about your friends daughter that was sa'd, dumb***. so i ate on my way home. that means now i can si. either i restrict or i si. one way or another i need to hurt myself.
and ive been having a hard time dealing with the fact that since everyone thinks im crazy cuz ive got bp. (and am "out of balance") how the hell would ANYBODY believe anything that comes out of my mouth as truth, if they think that i'm just nuts? as a matter of fact, i dont even know if my sil or brother even REALLY believe me. they're probably just humoring me, or just erring on the side of caution with that "creep".
i could go on and on. but what's the point. there IS NO POINT. ill go in for my stupid 45 minutes of therapy, which wil probably be cut short because he'll be running late. i'll end up having to take an hour and a half lunch cuz he'll be so late, and i'll get hell for it. so my appt will be cut short, and my issues will never get addressed, and i'll just have another week to stew. oh, i'm sorry, to DWELL (apparently that's what i do best.)
WTF!!!!!!!
oh, and one more hting. this is the anniversary of my going i/p last year. when they put me on effexor and f'd me aaaaallll up.