My mood is still a 5!!!!

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
My mood is still a 5!!!!
6
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 2:34pm

(My pdoc has me rate my mood on a scale of 1-10)


This is the best I have felt in a long time and not been manic. Now that I'm just at that stable level I have to learn what it feels like to be a 6-10 mood without being manic.


Once I discovered that SSRIs always make me manic and usually dysphoric, therefore not helping the depression, that was a big step towards recovery. Also, my antipsychotic was the first drug to really help me. It helps with my psychoses, sleep, mood and even my tic. (often tics or other neurological affects are SEs of neuroleptics, but I had the opposite effect on it yay. Also it was only recently that I read (can't remember where) that some antipsychotics work on the three same chemicals in the brain (dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine)). Then I discovered lamictal and that has been a god-send. I apparantly have the perfect bp for it...mostly depressed with a few manias (mine are usually hypomanias and often dysphoric or mixed, but I have had one full blown euphoric mania, what a ride! Even that ended in disaster because I got paranoid and psychotic)


I met up with my friend at school, which I normally do every Tuesday, but today she had brought me a birthday present! I actually wasn't expecting a present. So, that was nice. I'm going out tonight with my other friend for a birthday dinner (and drinks ;) yay). Don't worry I'll be good. I know my limit is 3 with the current medication I'm on.


I probably didn't tell you this but I'd like to recount the last time I drank (secondlast actually, but whatever). I had 4 drinks which were likely double shots, knowing the people who were mixing them. So I had the equivalent of 8 drinks add to that my newest med (at the time), amitriptyline (or maybe the combination of all of them together) and that doubles the effect again. So

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Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 2:49pm

happy birthday to you, my love!!! drinking carefully is your best bet and i am really proud of you...

my mood has been about a 2 for the last couple months, yes...months...without being manic...stupid a/d's don't work...am on wellbutrin and i think its maybe keeping me from being suicidal, but that's about it...the best thing i've done in a long time is this...small doses of lithium (300 mgs) and trileptal (300 mgs). Along with 400 mgs of Topamax, and 1 mg Ativan. Not sure yet what to do about the Wellbutrin...scared to death to go off it...because I didn't take ANYTHING in the form of an a/d in about a year. Ugh. I seriously doubt its doing jack though. My mood went to a 4 last Friday when I added the small dose of Lithium back into the mix. Now its going up to a 5 and I'm scared to death of that...just waiting for the hell to come back. Know what I mean? I've not had any mania in over a month. Getting rid of the depression now, i think...but I'm so scared it will all come right back...i still get down for brief periods...but I'm able to use journaling, and positive thinking, and coach myself back up.

I'm very very proud of you, honey.

Have fun tonight.

BTW: Give me some details if you can, on the wellness recovery plan, k?

Love you!

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 4:35pm

That's great, Amanda...I know even with all the right meds, it takes a lot of effort on your part...I'm really proud of you too. I hope you have a great time tonight...you deserve it! :)

Rose

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Registered: 04-06-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 8:32am
Happy belated birthday !!!!
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God could not be everywhere, so

Avatar for schitz
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 2:38pm

Sorry to hear that you've been so low lately, but I know, I've been there and only just coming out of it. I also wonder when the other shoe is going to drop, but as mindfulness goes I'm doing really well just living in the moment and not worrying about anything but what I'm doing right now. Try it. Consciously make the effort to put your everything into what you are doing and when a negative or any other thought appears say, I acknowledge that thought and will deal with it later.


I will post the wellness recovery action plan in a separate thread.


My birthday was awesome. I love my friend J. She is so good to me and a little manic and that rubbed off on me. I only had two drinks and didn't even get a buzz but it was fun. I was able to rate my mood a 6 for that part of the day!


Off to see my pdoc. I'll let you know how that goes.


Love ya.

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Avatar for schitz
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Registered: 02-06-2004
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 2:40pm

Thanks rose. I did have a good time.


And you are right, it's more than meds that makes the mood. I have been working hard to be well. More info will be posted with the wellness recovery action plan.


Hugs,

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Avatar for schitz
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Registered: 02-06-2004
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 2:43pm

Thank you Donna. It was great.


We went to Montana's. It's just your general steak house. I had a veggie burger. I also had bruschetta and desert. I have never before eaten a 3 course meal. Luckily I only ate half of each of them. And I didn't purge (that was an issue that I developed in the hospital).


I got a book, journal, magnet and bag for my birthday.


hugs,

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