Therapy appt...all anxiety? trigger...
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| Wed, 03-29-2006 - 12:48pm |
Just got back from therapy...very strange session. Basically she thinks my underlying problem is anxiety, even though I don't feel anxious. I told her about my "slip of the tongue" a while back and how I got so upset when I said something perverted...she wanted me to tell her what I said, and I couldn't/wouldn't...I guess I'm still thinking about that incident, which is the kind of obsessive thing my therapist was talking about.
So she thinks it's kind of an underlying anxiety that's causing these physical problems (migraines, stomach aches, etc), and making me worry that there's something actually wrong with me (I guess like bipolar?). It didn't make a whole lot of sense to me, and I kind of told her so...but then I went and told her about my mom and her anxiety problem, which was stupid, because it just reinforced her opinion of me.
So now it's quiet here and lonely and I can't stop crying...I don't want to face all these long, empty days in front of me (we're on spring break, I'm here by myself because I chose not to go home). I can't eat because my stomach hurts so much...my therapist hinted that maybe there could be an eating disorder there...and I just want all this to be over. Sorry to come here and whine, especially if I don't belong here...I just don't know what to do anymore.
Thanks for listening,
Rose

Rose
do not appologize...this is what we are here for !!!!
God could not be everywhere, so
Thanks very much, Donna...that did help. I think I realized I have to take what the tdoc says with a grain of salt, hard as that can be for me to do...I do see a pdoc also, but my appointments with her aren't very frequent (only every few months). She also doesn't like to give diagnoses, so I don't know exactly what she thinks either.
I would like to go home, but flights (just across the country) are now close to $1000! Crazy, I know! But I'm going to try to enjoy the quiet, as you said...and try not to slip back into depression...I can feel that happening, if I let it. It's surprising how depressing the quiet can be if you're already feeling down!
I just don't get exactly what my tdoc was saying...I guess I do have my obsessive tendencies (OK, I definitely do)...but the idea that "all this", the years of meds and in and out of hospitals, was "just" anxiety, seems ridiculous to me, even if it's "anxiety with a capital 'A,'" as she put it.
She mentioned that maybe the ECT I had last year was partly doctors over-doing it, more extreme treatment than was necessary...but then I told her I honestly didn't want to live back then...I guess she didn't know me back then (I only started seeing her this year), so maybe that's it. And that the "up" period that I thought could be hypomania was maybe just anxiety making me do more things, be more active??!
I have no idea...that doesn't make sense to me...what I don't get is, how am I supposed to learn to trust what I'm feeling when I'm being told what I think I'm feeling isn't real?
Just confused...and feeling the start of a downward turn...thanks again for your post, it did help,
Rose
hey rose honey...just wanted to send you some love and hugs!
careful of your tdoc...tdocs cannot cannot cannot cannot cannot dx...they know better...or should, anyway...and yet, they still try to do that very thing...she's throwing you for a loop, and you gotta not let her have that power...k?
yeah, so most people i know have anxiety...so what? i have anxiety with a capital A...but it doesn't make my moods go from upward to downward...it doesn't give me energy...it doesn't make me cry for days on end...and it sure doesn't make me not want to live.
you hit the nail on the head in your post...she doesn't know you "back then". all she knows is, you obsess sometimes...you have stomach problems, you're a bit "twitchy"...
let it go at that...don't let her try to diagnose you, k?
eating disorder??? yeah, maybe...but that's something else quite entirely.
and don't you dare let me hear you say you don't belong here ever again!!! you totally do...we love and care for you here.
keli
I hear what you are saying.
God could not be everywhere, so