big fear come true...

Avatar for suziq_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
big fear come true...
3
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 9:09am
i'll make this short as possible.....i was asked to do a show in an old haunt & i accepted.it's a difficult shlep but everyone close to me admitted it would be good for me to have a project to get me out of the house.
so far i haven't been having alot of fun..i tend to get manic around people.i also tend to feel as tho no one likes me.
i have a close email relationship with a woman who was my best friend.i was so happy we were speaking again since we had stopped.(when i attempted suicide i wrote to her & her h told her to run to my house...which surprised me since he never liked me...anyway she refused saying i didn't mean it & i never heard from her again...till recently)
she tells me all her hopes fears & complaints.
sounds close,right?
i knew she was on the theater grounds & i went out of my way to see her.she was standing outside talking to other people & completely ignored me.
i didn't make much of it since she always acts that way towards me but i brought it up to a friend yesterday & i found out..
EPILOGUE:
nancy doesn't WANT anyone to KNOW that we so much as speak to eachother.people in the group think we cannot stand eachother & she either started the rumor or prefers it that way...AND other members of the theater group talk about me being "crazy"....the other night some guy said i looked good in a tired sort of way...WTFdoesthatmean?
i'm numb..as tho i can live w/ it but it'll hit me soon.i am humiliated & my fears have come true.
i can't quit.it's too near the show.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 11:46am

ok, I'm sure this is way more easier said then done, but here's my thoughts.....


you should confront this woman...that is just wrong what she is doing.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 1:33pm

This is easier said then done. I agree confront her, if you don't deal well with confrontation, put it on paper like a letter address it and everything, and then put it away, if you can post by mail do so if not put it away in you journal or similar Then get her out of your life. I hurts when someone you thought was close to you passes judgment. It hurts because you thought they were you friend, confidant and support. The hurt goes away, eventually, give it time.

I too am in "show business" and it can be an ugly and judgmental place but the fact of the mater is, what some perceive "crazy" is the same energy feeds our creativity. It may be a craft that we learned in school and it may be part talent but, i tell you what if your emotions aren't close to the surface you will be hard press to deliver a compelling performance. Ever watch an actor's performance that if falls flat, or doesn't quite connect to the audience. I have it is painful, I fell for them because they cannot access there pain or joy and let me fell it too. I once had a theatre teacher in HS caution me about my career choice. She was a feared i would be eaten alive in the business. I have worked in theatre for most of my life. I have been successful and making a living both on and off the stage, behind the scene and as designer. I have met with similar accusations of "She is crazy." "are you sure you want to work with her?" I have also heard 2nd hand that "although i might be crazy i am talented and get the job done." You got the gig let her words wash over you and use it to your advantage. Channel it into your current project. When the run is through you an can walk away with your head held high knowing that you did your best and that is all any director or producer can ask of you.

All the Best,
Christine
Ps. break a leg!

Avatar for suziq_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 4:41pm
thank you for your advice & support.
i'm not sure i can confront her without coming across as crazy...especially in writing.tho i do have a message written & saved in my drafts folder....
the best i can do is just NOT answer her future e-mails..let her wonder & just adopt the same cold attitude she's given me.
i tell you...all this info is a blow that feels worse everyday.i'm not feeling good about myself for so many reasons & this is just more.
at least i have something to talk about in therapy on sunday.