SO embarrassed!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
SO embarrassed!
18
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 10:06am
I just learned thru the "grapevine" that the ENTIRE big office building (5 floors) heard me the other day screaming my lungs out in my car. Probably close to 100 people. I am so mortified I am afraid to look anyone in the eye. Why do I completely FREAK when ever someone criticizes me?? I don't get angry at them, I just start to hate myself. I even feel suicidal, like driving my car over a bridge. I almost always loose it and have to run out of the office in hysterics while everyone watches. This has GOT to stop, but I can't even begin to know how. I don't think there's any "magic" medication out there that will ease my raging emotions. Sometimes I think they need to lock me up and throw away the key.
Sorry. Feeling glum and anxious today.
Jodie

Jodie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 4:14pm

I've always responded to those rumors in the past by saying "why, yes, I am, but they let me out and I'm doing much better now" - followed by my best Jack Nicholson crazy look.

Most people get the joke and those that don't, well, oh well.

Avatar for chilaili
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 6:36pm
I've been on Trileptal (now the generic version Tegretol) for a couple of years and I really like it. Initially it caused some memory loss issues, but I've always had a lousy memory so nobody really noticed, and it makes me sleepy so I take it at night before I go to bed. Small dose, only about 300mg a day. I tried 600mg once and got a nasty rash on my chest, but apparently that goes away if you stick with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 8:35am

did u have any trouble going from trileptal to tegretol??? its so much cheaper!!! i take only 300 of trileptal too and LOVE IT. but its like $50 for me, and the tegretol would be $10. lemme know!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 10:26am
I don't think I've heard of tegretol. The trileptal might have worked if I hadn't been given an overdose. I may decide to try that one again. The only drug I don't seem to build up a resistance to is xanax-which puts me to sleep. Good stuff! :)

Jodie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 10:47am

i really LOVE my combo of the small doses of lithium 300 and trileptal 300...even that small amount makes me sleepy, but it really really works...i was SO overmedicated it wasn't even funny...i can finally get my life back. ativan works VERY MUCH like xanax...it doesn't put me to sleep though...xanax is too recreational for me...big no no for an ex addict...they even hesitate to give me the ativan...but pdoc said if i did get addicted (i'm not) we'd deal with that when the time came, that i had to get my anxiety in check...it is, on ativan...

really think about trying small doses of the trileptal...it works...it didn't get rid of my agitation or irritability completely, whichi is why i added back in the lithium, once i did, it was heavenly...and no side effects...i'm even losing weight...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 11:26am
How can you tell if you're addicted? I can stop taking all of my meds at once without getting so much as a headache. But I do know if I don't take the Ambien and Xanax, I simply won't sleep. I guess you could say I am addicted? I don't get any symptoms if I stop my meds, I just don't sleep. I go into SUPER mania. I like being manic but not THAT manic!

Jodie

Avatar for chilaili
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 11:28am
I didn't notice any real difference between the Tripleptal and the Tegretol. Actually, I think my memory might be slightly better these days. What I do notice is if I stop or forget to take it. Within just a couple of days my rage level goes thro the roof and I have to lock myself in the bathroom to calm down. It seems to be doing good so far.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 3:32pm

Jodie,


Don't sweat it--would they rather have you inside screaming at them?

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