I am so hurt and angry......TRIGGS
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| Fri, 04-07-2006 - 9:33am |
I had my gallbladder removed and then went to Alabama with Billy to visit his son and mother. His son came there from Key West where he is living now with his mom. Billy and I got into a BIG fight before we left b/c I wasn't able to ride that long distance (about 10 hours) with my incision and I was in pain. I felt so devauled, like I always do. Well, he ended up putting off the trip for 2 more days. Then I went but didn't really want to go. While we were on vacation Billy(mybf) decided he is going to get custody of his son back. That just hit me hard b/c I have had enough of his troubled punk son. I told Billy I was going to move b/c I wouldn't be able to handle the stress of him and his son fighting all the time. I said I didn't want to break up. I want to go back to school in August and I can't have extra stress like that. Well, Billy gave me the silent treatment for about 1.5 days.
I came home yesterday from spending the day with my dd and her friend. I asked him how long he was going to not talk to me. We ended up argueing and saying things to hurt each other. He kept on and I went to slap him(I know it was wrong) and he grabbed me by my hair and threw me to the bed and started choking me and saying how much his despised me. Then he wanted to act like nothing happend last night and bought me a cup of coffee. I went along with the act b/c I was afraid and didn't want to get into another fight. I woke up this morning with my neck so sore. It is swollen but I don'y see any bruising. I need to move as soon as possible. Until then I will try and keep things as calm as possible. I am so sad. I am incredibly angry. I know me wanting to slap him was wrong but why did he feel he had to choke me? I have a handful less hair. My hair was already thin. I didn't need to lose anymore. So, right now I am not doing to well.
I SI'd the other day and wanted to so bad last night but didn't. I took some meds that made me knock out and sleep instead. I wanted to die so much last night. I am awake now and feeling like so much has changed in my life. I need my mom so bad here with me in person. I need to see and feel her. I am extremely lonely and scared.
Now it is starting to show bruising... I hope it doesn't get to bad looking. What would I tell people.
Tina

Tina...I love you...you know that. Yes, you know that going to slap him was wrong. I've done that before, when I found out something horrible about my dh. I pushed him, heck, tried to push him down the stairs in a rage...he didn't do anything back to me, but I know how you felt.
Now...you MUST get out of that apartment. Now. I know you don't get along with your sister and can't go there. Do you get paid soon? And will you be able to move then? This relationship is O-V-E-R. Do you hear me? The line has been crossed. You cannot and will not be able to stay with Billy any longer. You've done enough. You will NOT die because of this man. Its just not worth it. HE isn't worth it.
I've had some major stress this week with Eric. Nothing like this, but still stress is stress. It almost caused another set back for me, but I sat back and realized that I was not going to allow that to happen. Regardless of anything with a MAN, I am worth MORE than that. So are you.
I know you want your mom. She's there, but she's not. And I know that hurts. Your feelings are valid and real. Feel them. Feel the anger towards Billy for not being the man you deserve and then LET HIS SORRY ASS GO! Do you hear me? REALLY HEAR ME?
You deserve better and you will HAVE better. He is only holding you back.
Again, I will say this, YOU WILL NOT DIE because of him. LISTEN TO WHAT I AM SAYING.
I'm sorry, very sorry you were so hurt. I love you and I'm here for you. Stand strong, and be that beautiful strong PROUD woman that you know inside that YOU ARE!
Call me if you need me...no matter what time of day or night.
Don't you dare let him touch you again...call 911...have him arrested...I'm serious Tina...I don't care what happens to him...You are most important...do what you need to do to stay safe. KEEP POSTING TO ME. Promise me.
Love you.
Keli
Tina
Keli is right...she basically wrote what I was thinking.
God could not be everywhere, so
Honey, I know you don't know me from Adam, but you need to get the hell out. Today.
He hurt you b/c he's a sack of shiat in a human skin and NOT because you've done anything wrong.
I lived with a guy for over a year and no matter how manic and angry I got, he never hit me back. Ever. The only time he hit me was to smack me across the face when I was crying so hard I couldn't breath, and he was scared I'd pass out. And even then he felt awful about it for months.
I know it seems easier to stay, financially, and everything else, but it's not. My mom left my dad and took my brother and I to a shelter when I was only 10, and it was fine.
Please, please leave as soon as you can get some clothes and pictures together. Just take your most precious things.
Any man that would expect you to take a road trip right after having had surgery clearly cares nothing about you as a person. You are his "thing".
I know you know that, though.
But you can't stay there; if he doesn't kill you, the stress will.
You HAVE to take care of yourself.
If it helps, imagine yourself as Angelina Jolie. She'd kick his ass and take all his stuff, lol, right?
I love Angelina Joli too!
I am moving. I am going to try and get out of here within the next 2 weeks. He won't touch me again. I will kill him if he does. Right now he is sleeping and I can write freely. I hate him for doing that to me. I feel so victumized. Last night during our arguement he said I was always against his son. That I never liked him. That isn't true. I have always been sick of his kids crap but I did love the boy. I don't respect Billy anymore...he hurt me, physically and spiritually. I am not going to make this move an ugly one. I am going to do it though, believe me. I won't have a computer at home...mine broke. I will see if I can get it fixed but I don't know when I will be able to , so I will have to go to the library