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| Tue, 04-11-2006 - 9:15pm |
Hi ya'll
Sorry I havent been around lately, things are going pretty nuts. Papers and presentations out the butt these last few weeks, its getting close to the end of the semester so there is a lot going on. Thats not the real story though, just icing on the cake. I have been cycling super fast but not severe. I have been so severely anxious and paranoid and looney.
I realized a few things too. I have been denying my SI for a LONG time. I always thought, oh well I dont cut myself repeatedly so its not SI, but I pick at my ears till they bleed, my nose, my zits, I scratch my hand so hard my skin comes off, I picked all the skin off my ankle, when I was younger I carved into my hand....DUH, if thats not SI, then what is it?
Im so fn paranoid that I wont sleep with my back towards my husband because I am scared he will stab me in the middle of the night just because he yelled at me. I cant sit in a crowded room because too many people see me, I have to take a xanax just to do a presentation and even then I turn my back to the people. I hide under my covers so no one finds me...its nuts.
Me and DH got into an argument and he yelled at me and that totally flipped me out. The next day I had to go home from school in the middle of class because I was having a panic attack, thats the day I scratched all the skin off my hand.
I saw pdoc today. She gave me a rx for xanax to take as needed, she upped the Paxil to 60mg and wants me to get my lithium level done again, then next time she said she wants me to go on another med in addition to all this stuff. So we will see.
SO thats where I am.
Love you all
Rebekah


I been missin you!!! and worried about you!!! things with me are so so...i hate my dh, but well, call me when you can...k? my meds are still working, anything i am going thru is situational and i'm handling it, but i'm going manic...and wanting it...and doing everything i can to get there...but the meds aren't letting it get out of control. so its almost perfect...which is not so good in my current situation, or its actually the perfect crime, so to speak.
SI has also become an issue in the forefront of my mind again too...we'll talk.
love you
k.
Rebekah,
Hope the change in meds helped.