depressed - trigs
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| Tue, 04-18-2006 - 8:42am |
i'm not doing well right now...my life has been turned upside down...my marriage is over, unless a miracle happens, and its been turned into my fault...i never in a million years thought i would be here. but i have to stop hiding in bed, and face facts...dh says our marriage isn't over, but i can't live the kind of life that he wants to live, unless i just want to die, unless i just want to swallow a bottle of pills. he wants more freedom again...apparently, i was a major source of stress to him...he never told me, but that that doesn't matter much after the fact, now does it?
the kicker here...is this...if i leave, i will be the bad guy...ha.
he wants to go out every week with his friends...female...friends...til all night...
he wants to go running for three hours every night...who the heck goes running every night from 9-12a.m.?
he wants more freedom, period. and no questioning from me.
things are very different with us...i am no longer #1 in his life...and this was placed upon me like day upon night.
my son says i am doing this...my dh says i am doing this...making it happen...maybe i am...all i know is i can't live like this much longer...i was NOT depressed, NOT having panic attacks 24/7, until this happened.
i can't do it. and its heartbreaking. and i hate him for it.

Wow Keli. I don't know what to say. I'm really, really sorry. Your message is a bit cryptic as to exactly what's going on, but if I had to guess I'd say that your H is involved with someone else and is blaming you because he couldn't take your mood swings anymore???
You've been sounding so wonderful and so positive lately. If I can help, I'm here. I just don't know what to say...
Love, big hugs and prayers, Mo.
God could not be everywhere, so
WTF, don't let him make you feel this is all your fault. I know it can be hard on family members and our spouses dealing with mental illness, but he is going too far. If he really wants to make things better he would go to couples counseling with you to work on your relationship. I agree with Mo, it sounds like he wants to be with someone else. If he hasn't met someone, he wants to. You deserve more than someone using you for financial security until he can find someone else to work while he stays home. I am sorry if I am
{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}
IMHO, anyone in a marriage deserves #1 royal treatment. While I don't like divorce usually, if your husband doesn't want one, he really should clean up his act. If your marriage is over, at least your not losing someone worth losing sleep over by the sound of it.
Express!
Beth "Petrouchka"
and if I said anything that was not my place to say, many apologies!
I am so sorry Keli. I know how hard marriage issues can be. Trust me, I am right there with you. I love you. Email me anytime you need to talk.
Missy